I will never be the same without you...

Chapter 20

Song: Capital Cities, "Safe and Sound"

What now? Good question.

"Let's just stay like this... for a little while."

He nodded, nuzzled into my shoulder like a cat and closed his eyes. How did he instinctively understand what I needed? The mood had changed after my mom's call, and I wanted to think. Holding him in my arms was grounding. OOOOH MY GOODNESS! I AM HOLDING HIM!! HE KISSED ME, AND I AM HOLDING HIM... IN MY ARMS. AAAAHHH! I was so happy I hugged him a little tighter. His arms wrapped around my waist in response. I reclined back and closed my eyes. I couldn't believe I had a near breakdown on the roof. What the hell, Saifah?? What is wrong with you?? How could you lose it like that in front of him? His willingness to admit his feelings shocked you, that's all... no need for emotional pyrotechnics!

But the truth is, I never believed he would like me back, not now and certainly not then. I just assumed he never would and walked away to protect my heart. That had been cowardly, and as it turned out, also really inane and misguided. I sighed deeply and felt a little kiss on my neck. I relished the tender gesture and the comfort it brought me. If he didn't stop being so adorably sweet, I was going to get myself in trouble!

I wanted to stay like this and never move again. I could feel my heart and my gut gripped by panic at the idea of letting him go. Really, Saifah? Dramatic much? Where is this coming from, huh? I didn't want to delve into the depth of my emotions, especially not tonight. I sighed again. This time he lazily trailed tiny kisses down to my clavicle, stopping at the edge of my shirt. I inhaled sharply as my brain rebooted. This...this is Zon? The same Zon who used to panic anytime I came within a foot of him?

I kissed the top of his head, and rested there, thinking about what I wanted to ask him.

"Zon?"

"Hmmm, yes?"

Feeling his breath against my skin sent more shivers along my spine.

"Errr... would you... errr... would you..."

"Yes, I would."

"Huh, you don't know what I want to ask."

"It doesn't matter, Sai. I don't need to know because it's you."

Oh crap, I choked and swallowed hard. He straightened up, grabbed my face with both hands and kissed me slowly and very thoroughly. I was breathing hard when he broke away.

"So, what would you like to ask me?"

He winked, bit his bottom lip and I forgot my name. I blinked a few times, and finally recovered my ability to speak.

"I ... I was wondering if you'd like to stay here tonight?"

I was blushing furiously. What the hell was that about?

"Yes."

"I mean it's ok, if you don't want to. I under..." He raised his hand to stop me.

"Sai, I said I wanted to stay with you." His smile dazzled me.

"Huh, ok" Here goes Saifah, the brilliant conversationalist!

"I wasn't really planning on going home."

"Huh, what?"

I think by the end of this conversation my IQ was going to range in the negative. I could have slapped myself.

"If you hadn't asked, I probably would have wheedled you to let me stay."

My brain suddenly lost its ability to process information entirely.