I will never be the same without you...

Chapter 19

Song: Ani Difranco, "Overlap"

He liked me and had wanted to confess. That thought stunned me, but hearing him call my name continuously brought me back to the present. His voice was full of need and something akin to anguish. Anguish? I raised my head and saw tears brimming at the corner of his eyes. I moved my hands to hold his face, interrupting him and compelling him to look at me.

"Sai, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, ok?"

He buried his face in the crook of my neck, my arms winding around his neck. His grip tightened as I held him. I was stunned by the intensity of his emotions. How could I have ever missed it? How could I have not seen how deeply he had cared? I silently cursed my navel-gazing clueless 20-year-old self. Keeping my voice soft and gentle, I spoke to him.

"Shhhhh, baby... it's going to be ok. Trust me."

As I gently rubbed his neck, he grew calmer and his grip relaxed. I pulled back a little bit, and he straightened up.

"Let's go back to your flat, ok?" He nodded.

I took his hand, grabbed the empty glasses and led the way back. We settled on the couch beside each other, hands still clasped together.

"Sai, are you alright?"

"Yes... yes, I'm ok. I'm sorry."

I turned and sat sideways with my legs crossed, facing him. I reached up to his cheek, caressing it gently with my thumb.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm the one who misunderstood you, I apologize for causing you pain."

He turned his head to look at me and smiled, leaning into my hand. I smiled back.

"Zon, you were not the only one who made mistakes. I should have talked to you and been more straightforward."

"Ok, you're right, we're both tragic dumbasses."

His smile turned into a cheeky grin, laughter dancing in his eyes. It was a relief to see his mood lighten. I slid my hand to his neck and leaned in.

"Unless you stop me right now, I am going to kiss you."

He didn't stop me. I softly brushed my lips against his and saw him close his eyes, shivering. Feeling empowered, I kissed him again, touching his upper lip with the tip of my tongue. It was like I flipped a switch. His eyes flew open, his hands grabbed my shoulders, and he pulled me into his lap. We closed the distance, suddenly urgent. The feverish energy grew, as he kissed me back, playing with my tongue and sucking on my lips. His arms pinned me against his body. His phone rang at that moment. He broke the kiss and blinked a couple of times owlishly, then fumbled to get his phone out of his pocket, anchoring me in place with his other arm.

"Hi mom, are you ok?"

I had to resist the urge to burst out laughing and barely managed to stay quiet.

"Yes mom, he did. Yes, thank you. I will let him know. I love you too. Good night."

Laughter bubbled out of me uncontrollably as he was staring daggers at me. He rubbed the back of his head, looking mildly awkward. As I calmed down, I touched his cheek again.

"You are so adorable."

"Are you done making fun of me?"

"I'm not, I promise. I was laughing at the situation."

He suddenly seemed to realize that he had been talking to his mom with me sitting on his lap halfway through a heavy make-out session. "Oh, right." We both looked at each other and literally guffawed like two teenagers. One of his arms was around my back, his hand resting on my waist. The other one lay across my thighs, keeping me where I was, so I just leaned into him and rested my head on his shoulder. We eventually calmed down and without moving I asked,

"So, what now?"