I will never be the same without you...

Chapter 13

Song: Crude Play (크루드플레이), "I'm Alright (괜찮아, 난)" [The Liar And His Lover OST]

I got Saifah's text on the way to my car the next morning. My heart sped up. I was inordinately happy to hear from him. I was also surprised, the insecure part of me still expecting him to distance himself again.

— (Saifah) Good morning, my Zon. I hope you didn't think too much last night and got some sleep. I'm here for you, call me anytime. Have a good day 😊

I blushed with pleasure, enjoying his ability to cheer me up when I needed it the most. I sent a quick answer back indicating I would call him in the evening. I had a work event that night, which hopefully would not last too long, allowing me enough time to talk to him. I finished walking to my car with a spring in my step and a smile on my face. The day went by quickly, the evening was pleasant but I made my escape as soon as possible. I couldn't get home fast enough, but before leaving the venue, I sent him a message asking if he was still up.

— (Saifah) I'm always up for you 😉

Whaaat?? Whaat was that?? Did he realize ..... My cheeks were flaming when I slid into the front seat of my car. Traffic was still heavy, and it took me longer than I wished to get home. I quickly got ready for bed. I nestled amongst my pillows, leaving only my favourite blue strip light on. I felt giddy and nervous, which reminded me of the time I asked him to come with me to the guitar shop. I remembered how long it had taken to muster the courage to call. I spent days agonizing over it, dialling and hanging up immediately. I still had that guitar, it was one of my most prized possessions.

Since I was bold and brave nowadays, I just dialled, trying not to hyperventilate. He picked up on the first ring causing me to grin like a fool, feeling so pleased he was waiting for me.

"Hi Zon"

"Hi Sai, how was your day?"

I wiggled around to get more comfortable and settled in bed, wishing he was with me.

"It was busy but I had something to look forward to, so that made everything much easier."

Huh, was he referring to calling me? Startled, my next words came out with a mild stutter.

"Oh thhhat's nice ffor you."

"Zon ... are you ok after yesterday? I mean, are we ok?"

Whatever I was expecting from this phone call, it wasn't him being so direct. I almost panicked.

"Zon? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put you on the spot. I was worried all day because you looked a little shocked yesterday."

My inner voice chimed in - you decided to be brave, you ding dong, stop stalling, answer and don't repeat your past mistakes. You guys are in this situation because you should have had this conversation 5-ish years ago. - I wasn't quite ready for that yet so I did the next best thing.

"Zon? Are...."

"I'm ok Sai, I'm sorry. I was thinking about what I wanted to say. It's been a long day so I'm a little slow." I could hear his little chuckle and smiled.

"It's ok you know, you don't have to answer."

I grabbed a pillow, hugged it and decided to panic another day.

"No. Thank you for asking. You're right, I was shaken yesterday... but could we talk about it more another time? I think I'd rather do that in person anyway."

I breathed hard, that was as bold as I was going to get tonight, but I wanted to let him know I didn't want to ignore it.

"Of course it is, and I think that's a better idea. Maybe I can cook for you on the weekend at my place?"

Huh?? How did I end up fumbling my way into what sounded like a date??? I didn't dare to ask, but my brain seized onto the important detail, if he invited me to his place to talk about this, he didn't live with someone... I was grinning from ear to ear when I answered.

"You cook? Since when?"

He burst out laughing and so did I.

"Ouch, that hurts. I am not that bad, but if you're offering, you can cook for me!!"

"Ah ah... nice try. No sir, as the guest I only plan on eating."

"So that's a yes then?"

I could feel my cheeks burning up. "Yes, I'd love to come for dinner." We ended up chatting about our respective days after that, some details about our next work meeting, and some songs he wanted to play with me. I eventually fell asleep with the phone beside me, the call still connected.