I will never be the same without you...

Chapter 49

song: Harry Styles, "Adore you"

As we drove to Zon's parents, I experienced a mix of annoyance and concern, seeing him oscillate between apologetic and disconnected. He was getting better at expressing his anxiety and telling me when it was triggered, but this was reminiscent of the week he hid from me and spiralled sideways. I took a deep breath as I parked in front of the house and turned off the engine before looking at him.

"Baby, I know you're anxious about talking to your family. Anything I can do to help?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I... oh... I'm doing it again, I'm sorry..."

Over the last few weeks, with the help of his therapist, he'd started opening up to me. We figured that to feel more secure, he had to hear that he was welcome in my life. Some people need reassuring actions and caring gestures from their partners, but what he required were words – my words. Knowing that waking up with him made me happy, and that finding his shirts mixed up with mine or his movies on my coffee table, brought me joy, was what anchored him.

Obliging him was easy, and he quickly relaxed enough to start coming around my place unannounced. The first time, as a reward for such daring, I pulled him inside the threshold, closed the door and... well... thinking about what happened in that hallway makes me smile every time I go out...

I admonished myself for getting distracted and cupped his face, making sure his attention was on me.

"Zon, I love you... all of you, ok? That includes your family because they are important to you. It's ok to be honest with them."

His eyes were big, and his breathing was a little bit shallow as he looked at me. He nodded after a small pause, then took a few deep breaths before giving me a tentative smile.

"Everything will be fine, my Zon, I promise."

"Yes... yes, it will. They better not mess with you, anyway, or they'll have to answer to me."

I smiled, relieved to see him back to his usual feisty self and stole a kiss before getting out. At the door, it was my turn to feel a little bit queasy. I'd met his parents before but never as a boyfriend; actually, I'd never liked anyone enough to meet their family.

His mom greeted us; she hadn't changed and still looked as dashing and hip as she did back then. Zol hovered in the background, an odd look on her face, as Zon's dad hugged us and ushered into the dining room. He was looking at his son with a smile when he sat down.

"Zol said that you had planned on having lunch with Saifah, so she invited both of you."

As we all followed him, Zon's mom looked at me.

"It's been a while since we last saw you, Saifah. How have you been?"

I was about to answer when Zon's dad chimed in with magnificent timing and slightly startling bluntness.

"Yes, didn't you two have a falling out back in uni?"

I groaned inwardly, painfully aware now from whom Zon got that particular trait. Before I had a chance to answer anyone, my tiny feisty love piped up.

"Well, Mr. Curious, it all turned out to be a misunderstanding. We both hurt each other because we were foolish and only realized it a few weeks ago while reminiscing about the past."

"Oh that's good to hear then, son. Saifah, it's nice to see you again."

Well, with that out of the way, the rest of our meal proceeded in a pleasant atmosphere. Zon's dad inquired about my job; I mentioned his son's work and how impressed my company had been, eliciting proud, beaming smiles from both parents and an eye roll from his sister.

"Saifah, do you still play the guitar?" Zon's dad asked me enthusiastically.

"Yes, and as you know, so does Zon. We actually started practicing together again. It's been really enjoyable, you should join us sometime."

He almost jumped out of his chair to hug me, delight written all over his face.

"OH YES!! The guys I used to play with are either too busy or too far away. It would be great to spend time with my sons sharing music."

Sons? He used to call me son in the past; It had felt comfortable and pleasant but slightly tinted with a shade of sadness considering my own relationship with my father. It was nice to hear it again.

Zon's mom looked at her son, her smile not quite reaching her eyes.

"It seems that you've spent quite a bit of time together."

I wasn't surprised to feel him tense beside me and reached out to take his hand, smiling encouragingly.

"Yes, we are, mom. In fact...err... we started dating. I... I didn't say anything because I wasn't ready yet, but things are really great right now."

Zon's dad happily mentioned he'd always thought we looked good together; his mom made a more subdued comment and Zol muttered something akin to great, under her breath. I was puzzled by her prickly attitude; she used to be bubbly and outgoing and this felt unusual.

At the end of lunch, Zon's dad stood up to make coffee while Zol roped me into doing the dishes. This was my chance to figure out what was going on with her and give Zon some space to talk to his parents.