I will never be the same without you...

Chapter 30

Song: San Holo, "Light"

We headed to the roof after putting our groceries away, settling in the shade, to hide from the heat. I looked at him, relieved to see that the shadows dancing across his face were gone and that his smile reached his eyes again.

"Next weekend we should go to the beach. Swimming would be nice right now. And if you tell me what kitchen things I need to get, we could even stay at my place and cook there."

I started blushing as soon as the words came out of my mouth. Was I too presumptuous to assume he didn't have plans or even wanted to spend another weekend with me so soon? Would he find me too needy or too bold to ask? We were in a relationship, but we hadn't defined boundaries yet, and maybe I was being unrealistic again.

"I mean if you're not busy.... I mean, even if you're not busy we don't have to hang out, I'm sorry for assuming we would..."

He looked at me strangely, tilting his head to the side. I squirmed under his gaze and felt the old familiar panic rise. I remembered what my therapist had said and started breathing slowly through my nose.

"Zon, my time is yours to claim. If I have a previous engagement, I will let you know. If it is possible, I'd like you to accompany me. If I'm free, I'll always be happy to spend time with you."

I pondered his words, feeling instantly reassured.

"Ok. Thank you." I smiled. "So... are you free next weekend?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great. Then let's do that, if you feel like it too."

"Yes, if the weather stay this warm, it'd be nice."

I sighed deeply.

"Hmmmmmm, this place is amazing, I wish I had something like this in my building too."

"You're welcome to come and enjoy it anytime you wish."

I smiled in response, stretching on the lounge chair. We drank our coffees in comfortable silence, enjoying the atmosphere. He reached out to take my hand in his, absently drawing patterns with his thumb. It was soothing. Being looked after by someone else was strange. In past relationships, I had typically been the one taking care of the other person. I liked the reciprocity and the exchange of support much more. I felt cherished.

The afternoon was still quite hot, so we went back to his place after we finished our drinks. I sat on the couch cross-legged, watching him walk over to the corner and pick two of his guitars. He gave me one before sitting down.

"If I'd known you'd make me play I would have practiced. I haven't had time in a while, my fingers are rusty."

"It's ok, my Zon. If you don't want to play, you can just sing. I've been longing to hear your beautiful voice again."

I am sure I gave some competition to tomatoes in the colour department as I blushed so deeply I felt my ears burns.

"Whatever, stop exaggerating!!" He looked are me earnestly.

"I am not and you know it. You have a wonderful voice. So stop denying it and let's practice."

I couldn't help the goofy smile that spread on my face and kissed his nose to thank him. We spent the next couple of hours looking for songs, laughing at off-key moments, and just enjoying playing music together. It was amazing, even though my fingers were aching.

We stopped when we got hungry, and he took the instruments back to their stands. He went to the kitchen to make dinner; I happily got up to help. I was not fond of cooking, but sharing it with him was different. We worked efficiently together. After seeing me wince a few times, he took my hands in his and kissed my bruised fingertips, looking at me in a way that sent shivers down my spine.