I will never be the same without you...

Chapter 33

Song: Marina "About love"

I love him... as if there were any doubts... I love him... I love him... I love him...I love him...

My heart is so full, I am struggling to keep it from bursting out through my mouth. I cannot tell him this, not yet. It's too soon. But I love him. I love him. I LOVE HIM!!!

Letting him take control was...phew... just... whoa! If having sex with him stays this way, I might not survive. Our first time together was amazing, but this... this was a revelation. I cannot believe he never had a chance to experience this before, that's really too bad. I can't wait to see what else he wants to try... squeeee... Oh dear! I'm back to talking to myself like this. Yikes!

I'm surprised he became so emotional. Oh wait!! I almost had a nervous breakdown when he told me he still liked me. So yeah.... who am I to talk? And... well... I did get a little choked up yesterday too. Right, let's pretend I didn't. I'm totally in control of everything. Yep! Full control, nothing to see. Thinking about all this makes me feel some feels, though. Now, I'm imagining how he must have felt today. I AM NOT GOING TO CRY TOO!!! Get a grip, Saifah. Seriously!!

I held him while these thoughts rolled around my head in all directions. I cuddled him and stroked his hair, waiting for him to calm down. When his breathing was back to normal, I kissed his head.

"Zon, are you ok?"

"hmm, hmm."

"Thank you."

He lifted his head up, clearly astonished. His eyes were a little red, and his hair was mussed up. He looked good enough to eat.

"Why are you thanking me?"

"Because my Zon, you made me come harder than I ever had."

The small person who was laying on me turned bright red and smacked me on the side of the head while squealing.

"You!!! How can you say such things with a straight face!! You're not only a perv, you're also a boldface liar!!!"

I laughed and wrestled with him until I had hold of his hands. I kissed his knuckles, then his nose and looking into his eyes, seriously told him the truth.

"I'm not lying. Yesterday was good, but today was the best sex I've ever had. I promise, Zon, I'm not exaggerating."

He just stared at me open-mouthed.

"Zon? .. Zon?"

He shook his head and furrowed his brow.

"Are you making fun of me?"

"No, I would never joke about this, especially not with you, Zon. Trust me, it was really, really good."

"But it was my first time!!"

"So? Is there a rule that says you have to suck the first time? It's not like you'd never had sex before. You just didn't have it this way. Everything we did made it great, Zon. Without being crude, having you inside me was freaking hot. And if you liked it, then I want you to do it again. I also want to try other things. I want to keep exploring with you because everything we've done together has felt so good."

He looked at me with big eyes. Oh damn, did I say the wrong thing? I didn't want him to be upset again. He suddenly threw his arms around my neck and tried to squeeze the life out of me.

"Thank you, Sai. It was really good for me too. Thank you for being open to it. Thank you."

"Anytime, baby. Thank you too."

I wrapped him in my arms and kept him close for a long while. I wondered why he felt so insecure about all this when he was just so amazing.

Eventually, we got up and went to the bathroom for a quick shower before going back to bed. He fell asleep in my arms and that was all that mattered to me at that moment.