I will never be the same without you...

Chapter 15

Song: Shower Becky G // Madilyn Bailey (Acoustic Version)

Sitting next to him in his office was torture. His face was bent down towards mine. So close, I could feel the heat from his body. So close, I could caress his cheek, if i wished to do so. I managed to resist the urge...barely. I am not sure how I survived this meeting without bursting into flames. It was fortunate he was busy that night, I would not have been able to hold back if I had found myself in a secluded bar with him. I was not ready yet, we had to talk first.

How many days were left until Saturday? Too many to wait patiently!! I felt like a live wire for the rest of the week. I thought about him when I woke up, throughout the day and of course, before falling asleep. He never left my mind. I couldn't wait to talk to him in the evenings and felt lonely and disappointed when he was busy. I was surprised to see how much it affected me.

Saturday came at last. I woke up so early I had to wait to run my errands, cursing time for moving so slowly. Finally, the stores opened and I picked up wine and dessert along with my usual groceries. I spent the rest of the day power-cleaning my apartment to curb my nervous energy, unable to sit still. I had to wait another 3 hours and 18 mins when I was done. That's 198 mins or 11,880 seconds... 11,879 seconds...11,878 seconds...not like I was counting.

To distract myself, I looked for an outfit for the evening. I wanted something casual but cute. By the time I was done, my bedroom looked like a bomb had exploded in it, clothes were strewn around haphazardly, draping almost every available surface. The day was warm, so I settled on a pair of cropped pants, a linen shirt, boat shoes and sunglasses. Once I had put my room back to some semblance of order, I showered, brushed my teeth and shaved. I stared at myself in the mirror and worked on my hair. After half an hour of effort and a million different styles, I decided to rinse it off and start over. It refused to cooperate and it was simpler to wear it down and leave it be. I was ready but realized I still had an hour to wait..

I mentally kicked myself. I had forgotten to pick up flowers or something for him, because I wanted the evening to be a date, whether he meant it that way or not. It was too late, the stores were closed now. He had told me to bring the wine and the dessert, so they didn't count. I wracked my brain to come up with an alternative, when an idea suddenly hit me. I ran into my bedroom, opened the closet, pulling boxes out, trying to remember where I put it. Which box was it? Oh!!! I'm such an idiot, I knew where it was, of course! I ran to the closet near the entrance and frantically dug up my guitar case. It was there, nestled in the little built-in box typically used to store spare strings. Kneeling down in front of the case, I almost cried with relief. How could I forget? I had stopped wearing it because it hurt too much to see it everyday, but I hadn't been able to get rid of it or leave it behind when I moved out of my parents house. It had always been with me, all this time, just like my guitar. I sighed and put it on, feeling like it belonged on my wrist again. I rolled up my sleeves to the middle of my forearms. I wanted him to see me wearing the bracelet he made for the guitar pick he bought for me. I wanted him to know I still had it and it meant something to me. I hoped he'd like that better than flowers.

I shoved the case back in the closet, grabbed everything and called a cab. There was no turning back. One way or another, I will know where we stand tonight.

I got to his apartment right on time. With a racing heart and shaking hands, I took a couple of deep breaths and knocked on the door.