I will never be the same without you...

Chapter 45

Song: Phum Viphurit, "Hello, Anxiety"

I've always liked a challenge? Trust Mae to tease out what I could never identify myself. Was that why I'd been instantly drawn to Zon all those years ago. Of course it was, because her aim was always on target.

From the beginning, I'd been curious about him. So much so, I'd started observing him, thoroughly captivated. He always supported his friends and his sister, even though they teased him endlessly. He systematically bought extra food and gave most of it to Tor. This was quite a sacrifice for this voracious tiny person. He knew how much Tor was struggling, and without a second thought had found a thoughtful way to help him.

Above all else, he had been the only person on campus not to fall at my feet. Without boasting, I was generally liked by everyone, well except him. He was instantly annoyed with me, even prior to the debacle with Fai, and had no qualms calling me arrogant and conceited, to my face no less. It was infuriating not to be able to win him over, but also maddeningly compelling. Adding to his appeal, he had been completely oblivious to how attractive he was. Oh, Mae was so right!!

He had been magnificent when he took my hand. I had to stop my mouth from hanging open and wished I could take him in my arms and spin him around, but I knew Mae would disapprove. She has always been old school and her rules against loss of decorum applied to everyone, hets and gays alike. I squeezed his hand instead, trying to convey my admiration. He even got a hug from her. Not a small feat considering they were reserved for people she really cared about and those were few and far between.

When he saw the amount of food laid on the table, Zon's eyes grew twice their regular size. Most of the dishes were my favourites, which I was happy he'd get to try.

"Mae, you made too much food as usual!!! We will never be able to eat all this."

"Are you complaining, child?"

This was a typical exchange, she would have been upset if I didn't whine at least a bit. I grinned.

"Of course not, your food is the best, that's why I'd hate to see it wasted."

"You will just have to take what's left with you. You're both too skinny. You need to eat better."

We continued to argue back and forth, enjoying our typical squabbling. Pan laughed and shook his head while serving everyone and telling Zon about each dish. Our meal was full of laughter and banter.

Zon ate everything with his usual gusto, but in such quantity that I worried he'd get sick. While we ate, he was thoroughly investigated. The first salvo of questions covered his family and his job. The second was directed at our relationship. I groaned inwardly.

"Zon, what about your parents? Do they know about my child?"

"No, not yet, but they will."

He smiled courteously and kept on eating. I didn't know how to feel about this. As if reading my inner questions, Mae went on.

"Why not, Saifah told his family?" My breath caught in my throat.

"Because I am a selfish person. I want to keep him all to myself for a little bit."

Hmmm, his tone was nice but it also discouraged further probing, and I was quite glad the conversation drifted back to food and weather. Details would have to wait.

Zon had surprised me. He answered carefully and genially, giving anecdotes about his family and his job in an entertaining manner. The haunted waif I picked up in the morning was all but forgotten and my cheeks hurt from grinning. Once we were done, the mountain of leftovers was packed, and with the nod of a chin, Pan and I were sent off to bring it all to the car. Feeling mildly edgy, I had no choice but to comply.

As I set the bags in the trunk, Pan lit a cigarette and looked at me.

"So, my boy, you're still in love with Zon."

Oh dear... I sighed. It seems Zon was not the only one to get grilled. I finished my task and turned towards the sea , rubbing the nape of my neck.

"Yeah. Seems I never stopped."

Pan had always helped me find clarity. He was as observant as his wife, but he expressed his thoughts less bluntly. As I grew up, where Mae's attitude had helped me be confident and strong, his laid-back mindfulness allowed me to stay open and warm-hearted.

"I'm glad, I like him. He has kind eyes and a backbone. He'll need both to put up with you."

He grinned and I laughed at the teasing jab. I had not always been an easy child to raise, but they had always shown me endless patience and kindness. His words rolled around my mind as I watched the waves. He'd extracted Zon's essence, a caring nature and stubbornness.

He'd reminded me of what I had forgotten during today's emotional tempest. Zon was fierce and caring. He would do what he could to give us a chance, and all I needed to do was to keep encouraging him.