I will never be the same without you...

Chapter 46

Song: Mattnimare, "ความสุข"

As I finished putting some things away, I realized I was alone in the kitchen with Mae. I was somewhat uncomfortable, not wishing the conversation to veer back towards my relationship with Saifah. I understood her concern but preferred other people to let us figure things out without interfering. I hoped, however, that I hadn't been rude answering her questions.

I remembered seeing Saifah's face fall, the span of a fleeting second when I mentioned not telling my family about him. My chest tightened at the thought. He likely misunderstood. There seemed to be more for us to talk about today, after all. Suddenly feeling drained, I tried to take my leave.

"Thank you again for having me today and for such delicious food. I'll head out now, Saifah is waiting for me."

"You're welcome, child. I am happy to have met you at last."

At last? We hadn't been dating for that long. I didn't think they'd have expected him to bring me over so soon. Never mind.... She went on before I had a chance to move.

"Zon, he was heartbroken for a long time. He worried us. I thought he might never forget you. I guess I was right."

She paused and looked out the window. Her matter of fact words rang through my mind. He had been this heartbroken? Over me? Both my heart and my mind were in disarray. I recalled that night on the roof when he had been so overcome by emotion. Could that be why? No... that's not possible... is it? She turned back to me, putting a stop to my train of thought.

"I know how difficult it is, but the most important thing in a relationship is to talk to each other, to do it even when you'd prefer being silent, and always without anger. There is no other way to reach mutual understanding."

Unsure about what to say, I just nodded my assent.

"This child is quiet about his feelings. He will need your help."

Emotions bubbled just below the surface. If only she knew what Saifah had done for me today. If only she knew that the one who needed help wasn't him. It was me. I ached to be near him.

"Please take good care of him for us."

"You have my word that I will."

I meant it with every fibre of my being. I had faced a crossroads today and chosen the path I wanted to follow, beside him. I would not turn back or walk away. I thanked her again, and we went out to the car to say our good-byes. After best wishes and entreaties to visit soon and often, we finally got in and drove off.

"Zon, I'm sorry. I hope Mae didn't bother you."

"Oh no, she didn't... no need to apologize. She just asked me to take good care of you."

He sighed in relief and took my hand, squeezing gently. I brought them to my lips to kiss the back of his in response. In a contemplative mood, I turned my attention to the scenery. After a while, I shook off my trance and brought my mind back to the present and my companion. Leaving tentativeness behind, I jumped in.

"Sai, would you like to come to my place tonight?"

I could feel my ears burn, unexpectedly shy.

"Yes." His tone was definitive.

I relaxed, relishing that he was still interested in spending time with me after such a day. I was beyond excited to have him over since no one I'd dated ever cared to.

"I'm glad, but I'm afraid we will need to grab some groceries on the way because there's no food in my house at all."

"We have a car full of leftovers, baby. Do you want me to tell Mae we bought groceries because it wasn't enough?"

"OH NO! Right, how could I forget!!!"

We both burst out laughing uncontrollably at that idea.

"Please do not joke about this. I would likely not survive long if you told her!!!"

My comment threw us back into hysterics. Peals of laughter reverberated through the car such that Saifah had to pull over. Once we calmed down, I reached for his cheek with my free hand, turning his head so I could see his eyes.

"Mae scares me a little bit, but I am glad we met. Thank you for taking me to them."

Before he could answer, I kissed him slowly and deliberately, hoping to convey my feelings more fully. I pulled away reluctantly.

"Sai, I haven't talked to my family about you because of what happened to me. They have become overprotective to the point of being intrusive. I want to spend time with you without pressure or interference from them until I'm ready. I'm sorry, I should have told you."

He squeezed my hand, a half smile dancing on his lips.

"Thank you for explaining. You can take your time, there's no rush. We'll figure it out together."

Together. Yes, he made all the difference. With him it was possible.