I will never be the same without you...

Chapter 27

Song: Joel Plaskett Emergency, "Happen Now"

I cannot believe that I asked him to date me like a 15-year-old with his first boyfriend. OHMYGOSH!!! What was I thinking? I wanted to do something special, take him out for dinner or something; instead, I just blurted it all out. Then, to add insult to injury, I did ... I can't even think about it, it's too cringy. I'm never going to live this down. Urrrghh!! BUT HE SAID YES!!!! I'm just so happy he said yes. All these years, all that stupidity and pain. I don't want to go back to life without him. I can't get over how well we click. I usually hate having people in my space. Whenever I'd dated someone, I always stayed over, so I could go home to my own place.

I kept covering him with kisses because touching and cuddling him was so enjoyable. I loved being entitled to do so. I wiggled us around on the couch to lay on my side, so he was in my arms, partially on me. I sighed deeply, feeling content, and hugged him closer to me. He fitted nicely and comfortably.

If I was completely honest with myself, I'd admit that I had pined for him and chose to ignore it. I had been a big coward, but It has always been hard for me to trust anyone. I don't know how Zon got under my skin. Maybe it was his feistiness or his frankness. He didn't give in easily, and he was challenging and intriguing. As I got to know him, I discovered an amazing, kind, imaginative and beautiful person.

"Zon, what do you want to do today?"

"I haven't really thought that far because someone took my coffee, and my brain doesn't work when it's under-caffeinated."

He chuckled, and I squeezed him.

"Silly!! Do you want to sit up then so you can have more coffee?"

I started to move as if to sit up.

"NOO!!!"

He started wrestling me down, pouting at the same time. I couldn't help kiss his plumped up lips, enjoying when his sulky expression turned into a smile. I was getting hard. It was tempting to just take him back to bed, but I wanted to spend some non-horizontal time with him. We had a lot of catching up to do.

"Ok, ok! We'll stay like that a while longer, but you need to pick what we do today."

I wanted to make it clear I wished to spend time with him and not just have sex.

"Hmmm, I'd like to swing by my place to grab some fresh clothes. I feel like a little kid when I wear your stuff. Maybe we can go to the market. I usually go on weekends when I'm not travelling for work."

I kissed his head.

"This is a great idea. I have been so busy lately that I haven't been able to go as often as I like."

"You go to the market???"

"Yeah, mom would kill me if I didn't buy the freshest ingredients."

"You're such a mama's boy."

I know he didn't mean to upset me. He didn't know anything about my family. I had only shared the story with a few people, and I never got a chance to tell him. I am usually good at hiding that part of my life, but I felt relaxed and got blindsided. The usual sadness mixed with anger bubbled up. Feeling vulnerable, I tried to get up and pretend to go to the bathroom to hide, but he stopped me. He was looking at me with a worried expression on his face.

"Sai, I'm sorry. I just wanted to tease you, but I've upset you instead. I know you love your mom, I never meant to make fun of your relationship with her."

I sighed, pondering how much to tell him. I was ready to brush it off when he touched my face.

"Baby, you never have to feel obligated to tell me anything, but please don't hide from me when you're upset. Let me comfort you."

I brought him closer, feeling his body against mine made me feel better.

"That's what my father used to call me, Mama's boy. But when he said it, it was an insult. He was not a very nice man, but it got worse when I came out. I was confused, so I talked to my mom, and he overheard our conversation. It was ... unpleasant. He wanted to straighten me out and blamed my mom. A friend of hers helped us leave in the middle of the night a few months later. She divorced him, but even after that, he made our life miserable. That's why we moved up north. I haven't seen him since. You didn't say anything wrong, my Zon, these words just bring me back. I'm sorry."

He hugged me harder. I felt tears on my throat where he had buried his face. I caressed his head, feeling strangely relieved after telling him my nasty little story.