I will never be the same without you...

Chapter 17

Sun Rai, "San Francisco street"

Saifah's apartment was like him, convivial and warm. The kitchen was separated from the living room by an island, making the space open and inviting. He had a mix of old and modern furniture, framed music posters on the walls, a high-end stereo system with a massive vinyl collection and different guitars neatly organized on stands in a corner. As we sat in the living room, I sank into the cozy couch and listened to him contentedly.

He had stared at me with a strange look on his face a couple of times, likely because of the bracelet. He was very good at keeping his face neutral, but I was sure he had been startled by it. Good! It was time to have a frank discussion about the past. I was the one who had messed up, too nervous and insecure to talk to him, I had to make it right this time. I watched him go back to the kitchen, looking adorable in his apron. I wished I could go up and sneak behind him to give him a back hug and kiss his neck. I mentally shook myself back to reality.

"Sai, do you need help with anything?"

"Actually, yes. It's almost ready. Could you bring the bowls over so I can serve us? Also, open the wine and bring it to the table."

"Yes, sir!"

"Good, obedient boy!"

We both looked at each other as soon as he said this, both of us I'm sure, remembered the last time he said something similar. I couldn't help blush while he grinned, the jerk! He got the bottle opener out of a drawer and gave it to me. I had to brush past him to get the wine, sending a shiver up my spine. I served both of us, and we settled down to eat.

"Sai, this is delicious!"

"Thank you, my Zon. This is my mom's recipe, I'll let her know you liked it."

Saifah had met my parents, but I never had a chance to meet his mom. She lived up north and rarely visited while we were at university. II realized at that moment that I had never taken the time to ask him about his family, and he had never really volunteered. He had always cared for me well but I had been lacking, even as a friend. My internal realization must have shown on my face.

"Zon, are you ok? Is the food too hot?"

"No, Sai. I just realized that I never asked you about your mom and I should have."

He looked mildly taken aback.

"Err... I don't talk about my family much. My mom is great, maybe you'd like to meet her next time she comes to town?"

"Yes, that'd be great, I want to hear gossip about baby Saifah."

I smiled at him, and he beamed back. We finished eating, and did the dishes together. He refused to let me do them on my own since I didn't know where everything went. I washed while he put the leftovers in containers and then started drying and placing everything in the cupboards. His kitchen was well organized. Doing this with him was comfortably domestic. Every time he brushed passed me I shivered, his nearness affecting me each time a little more. Once we were done, he grabbed a tea towel and dried my hands, holding them in his a little longer than necessary. Hopefully, I wasn't the only one feeling the connection between us.

"If you're not ready to go home yet, do you want to have a drink on the patio?"

"Sure, but..."

I wasn't sure what he was talking about since he didn't have a balcony and lived on the third floor.

"Trust me. Grab our glasses, and I'll take the bottle."

He headed for the door, held it open for me and started down the hall towards the staircase. He lived in a small building. We went up two floors and ended up on the roof.

"A few of the people in the building got together to fix up the roof terrace and set this up."

I saw loungers, a few small metal tables and chairs as well as a bigger table under a pergola covered in bamboo. Potted plants and garden beds formed small alcoves and provided a sense of seclusion. It was lovely. He walked over to the back and turned on string lights. The soft glow created an enchanting atmosphere. I sat down on one of the loungers and reclined back, feeling quite relaxed. His place and building were so inviting compared to my high rise ultra-modern condo. My apartment felt sterile and cold in contrast, a metaphor for my life without him, maybe? He sat on the lounger next to mine and I gave him his glass. It was now or never.

"Sai... Can we talk?"