I will never be the same without you...

Chapter 47

Song: Nica del Rosario, "Tahanan"

I craved spending time with him so much that it was a relief when he asked me to stay with him. I would have jumped and screamed, but that would have landed us in a ditch, which almost happened anyway because I was laughing so hard.

Tears still burned in my eyes when he opened up about his family, taking me entirely by surprise. More at ease than ever before, he gave me insight into his thoughts and actions, likely realizing I needed reassurance. And I did.

The ride back was comfortable, balance restored even though much was left to work out. That was good enough for me. By the time we arrived and put everything away, we were both knackered. I pulled him into my arms, needing him close after having been deprived all week.

"Hmmm, I like that. I feel like a cosy blanket fort, cuddles and a movie. What do you think Sai?"

"Yes, please. A movie sounds awesome."

"Great! I'll prep while you go wash up. Gimme a sec, and I'll get you some towels. Do you need some clothes?"

"Nah, I brought an extra t-shirt and shorts just in case I got wet. I'll just use that."

"Ok, pass me the beach stuff while you're at it and I'll put a load of laundry."

I kissed the top of his head, and did as I was told, enjoying the quiet domesticity of the moment.

Zon had picked something silly and funny, which was perfect. He'd settled at the end of the couch, his feet on the coffee table and motioned for me to sit beside him and lay my head on his lap if I felt like it. His couch was longer than mine, and surprisingly I fitted comfortably. He played with my hair for a bit, eventually resting his arm on my side. I was in heaven.

The simplicity of the evening filled my heart with happiness. It was all I ever wanted, him and I like this together. We ate a very light late dinner before watching another movie. Exhausted by a week spent worrying and an emotional day, I fell asleep half-way through. I was woken up by a hand caressing my face.

"Sai, baby... wake up. It's time for bed. I would let you sleep here, but you'd wake up sore."

"Hmmm... sorry, I fell asleep."

"It's ok. Come on..."

He took me by the hand and put me to bed before tidying up, then turning off the tv and the lights. He finally came to bed and laid down behind me, velcroing himself to my back, nuzzling my neck. I loved that he held me.

"Good night, Sai."

"Good night, my Zon."

That night, I achieved a level of bliss I would never have thought was possible. I could do this every day. Actually, I wanted to do this every day... which is what happened for the following weeks as we spent all but a few evenings separately.

- - -

In the beginning, we alternated between his apartment and mine. Over time each home acquired items from the other, a shirt here, a pair of underwear there. A couple of my guitars migrated over, along with some kitchen utensils. Movies and sci-fi books suddenly appeared on my coffee table, strewn around haphazardly. We also brought each other to favourite restaurants and drinks with colleagues. Our lives were mixing.

After almost two weeks, Zon started a big project leading to longer and busier days.

"Sai, I'm sorry. I won't be able to come over as much."

"It's ok... but you know, I don't mind coming over everyday instead. And we can spend time at my place on the weekend."

I waited, unsure he'd want me around that much. The knot in my stomach unclenched when he smiled.

"That's a much better idea, but only if it doesn't bother you. I might have to pull a few all-nighters, though, so it might not always be possible."

"Well, just let me know if or when you get off work, and I'll meet you at your place. No big deal. And when you pull all-nighters I'll just go home."

To make things easier, I just moved enough dress clothes over to save time in the morning, and the extra hour I gained was donated to cuddle time. That had become crucial. Both of us were more irritable, had more trouble sleeping when we didn't get to spend the evening together and had to go almost straight to bed. We became downright unbearable when even that wasn't possible.

Weekends were spent at my place, enjoying the terrace, playing music and making food. Days went by quickly. We also had a few serious evenings where he'd shared a little more. He'd made time to see his therapist again, and following her advice, had slowly told me more about his past relationship. Being honest with each other hadn't been easy as he still felt so ashamed, which made me very angry towards his ex. Though, overall it had been beneficial for both of us.

One evening at Zon's place, he got an envelope from the front door and gave it to me. I let go of my guitar and read his scribbles on the back: Stars - starwarsisreal

"Thank you, but what is this?"

"That's my wifi and password."

Hmmm, oookkk.

"Thanks, that's great but, I'm not sure I'll need it."

"Oh, I think you will. You should check the envelope."

Looking like the Cheshire Cat, he walked into the kitchen to make some tea. I turned the envelope around and felt something in it. I ripped the paper and heard a ping. Of course, the small shiny thing I saw escaping its package ended up under the couch and I had to scramble around to recover it. Thank the universe for long arms, my fishing expedition returned a small key. I looked up at Zon who had been watching me all along, and was now doubled over with laughter. Great, I was the king of smooth.

I arched an eyebrow at him, questionably. "Zon? Would you care to explain what this is?" I was still puzzled and watched him wipe his eyes. Wonderful.

"Well, because of my schedule, we've spent a lot of time at my place, and I've started feeling guilty that you had to wait for me in the evening."

"Baby, you shouldn't. I told you I didn't mind."

"I know you don't, but I do. So... I got an extra key made to allow you to come over whenever you want without having to wait for me. With my wifi, you can work here if you need to or watch movies or play games. And if you get tired, you can even fall asleep here, and I get to snuggle up to you when I get home."

My face must have looked like that flabbergasted emoticon because he started laughing again.

"You were so cranky the few times I wasn't able to come over that your coworkers asked me if your were ok, assuming that as a *family friend* I would know. If for nothing else but the peace of your office, you need to keep that key."

I suddenly realized that I had yet to say anything. I sprung up from the couch, excitement bursting out of me like a laser show.

"Oh, YES!! THIS IS AWESOME!! I'll make sure to do the same so when I get busy, I can be the one to snuggle up to you in the middle of the night."

I was grinning from ear to ear, like a fool, but too happy to care. He was pouring our tea, so I rushed to the entrance to put his key on my keychain before I managed to lose it again.

"Here, it's safe now. Thank you, love. It'll be nice to fill your fridge and cook here instead of lugging everything around. It'll definitely be more convenient. I might have to buy you a few things, but for the most part, I think ..."

My verbal diarrhea dried out when my brain cells finally registered what I had just said. I stood there frozen. Unable to take the words back or turn around to see how Zon reacted if he'd hear them.