I will never be the same without you...

Chapter 37

Song: Cavetown "Talk to me"

Oh... I wasn't expecting this answer... especially considering how bold he was this morning, both at my place and in the car. I thought it was ok to keep the banter going... Did I make him uncomfortable at work? Shoot, I should have thought about that!! Darn Saifah!!! You bonehead!

— (Saifah) I'm sorry Zon, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable at work. I miss you. I'll talk to you tonight. 🥰🥰

I could feel a small ball forming in the pit of my stomach. That gut feeling that something is going on, and you missed it. Maybe I was reading too much into this. He just got caught off guard, that's all. I sighed.

— (Zon) no big.

Well that's... huh?? That's... well, I don't really know what this is. He said he had something due today, so he must have just been busy. Just go back to work and talk about it tonight, no need to freak out, Saifah.

I focused on my project again, and the rest of the day proceeded at warp speed. When I finally got home, it was past dinner time. I texted him but didn't hear back from him right away. I missed him as I ate leftovers in the kitchen, too tired to set the table. I wanted to ask him about his day and unwind with him, but I didn't want to call and disturb him. I also didn't want to seem too needy. I played some music and got ready for bed, still waiting to hear from him and feeling a bit down about that. He sent a text while I was brushing my teeth, and I excitedly scrambled to get my phone, almost tripping over my own feet.

— (Zon) sorry. Still at work. Talk tomorrow.

My excitement deflated like a sad little soufflé. I knew I shouldn't feel that way, but I couldn't help myself. He didn't have time to talk, and I understood that, but he only sent a couple of short texts, and this really terse one. No good night, no emoji, no *miss you*. I was bummed that he felt distant. Did I upset him with my first text? Was I being too demanding? Maybe he didn't like that. We didn't really discuss our respective boundaries, so I had no idea what he liked or not. Did he prefer someone more detached? Did he just want more space after spending a whole weekend with me?

WHOA!!! Where the heck is all this coming from? I've never been this insecure before. Hello, downward spiral, meet Saifah!! Urgghh... I did not like feeling this way, not at all.

Things didn't improve, and I barely talked to him during the rest of the week. He was always too busy or too tired for a call. The only time I managed to get him on the phone, we had a short, strained conversation. I didn't want to insist and sound needy, but I hated this uneasiness between us. We had talked more before the weekend than we did now, and we were supposed to be dating! What was going on? I was sad, and I couldn't shake the feeling that he was pushing me away. I also missed him.... badly. It was hard not to be straightforward and ask, but I didn't want to do that over the phone. I didn't want to push him.

I was so confused. I was not even sure if he still wanted to go to the beach on Saturday or maybe even date me. That was ...

Wait!! Saifah, you are a dunce!!! This is Zon, and what did Zon do when he needed to figure things out last time? Huh? Do you get it now? Why was I talking to myself? That doesn't sound very healthy... never mind, Focus Saifah!

I reclined on the couch, feeling more light-hearted than I had been all week. Something was definitely going on with Zon. I had been too blind and too sorry for myself to look at the problem the right way. I needed a plan to talk to him and get him to stop running away. He needed to know he wasn't alone and he could rely on me,

What if I was the problem? Well... that would suck, but I'd either have to do what needed to be done or leave him be if that was the case. Staying together under these conditions would not be beneficial to either of us.

Conjectures were useless at this point. I needed to know what happened and I just had an idea how...