Memory Of A Dear Place

43. Control

All my demons hand in hand
Oh, I finally understand
There's no need to fear it all
Embrace the fall
That's the beauty of losing control
Control — IBE

November, 1996

~\~ Bella Huxley ~\~

I can see all Draco's muscles tense in the corner of my eye as soon as the words left my lips and some howls leave the mouth of the people surrounding us. No one dares to say anything and I can see a malicious smirk appearing on Sams face as he raises himself from his seat.

I can't specifically recall when I saw that smirk for the last time, but I do know it has been awhile. It's that smirk that's hiding a handful of complex emotions. A smirk that you'd never be able to exactly pinpoint or unravel. It comes with a slight hunger in his eyes longing for something or someone.

Malicious.

Sam Lancaster can definitely be malicious. But you have to fuck up real good if you want to push him there.

It's that Slytherin deeply hidden inside of him. That Slytherin blood running through his veins, trying to drown the reasonable, wise Ravenclaw who knows what's best for everyone. The one that takes the wise decisions. The one that protects you from making the wrong ones.

But Sam failed to keep Draco from making the wrong decisions. And unfortunately Draco is the only one to blame for them.

I don't even know what fucked up thing he's done to me this time. I don't even care to hear it right now.

Draco Malfoy needs to be reminded what he's about to lose if he keeps important details to himself. What he loses if he keeps trying to live his life all on his own. Ignoring advise. Ignoring help.

Ignoring love.

Sam slips his hands in is pockets and cocks his head with a chuckle, and then sends one last scowl to Draco before he walks towards the girls dormitories. I look down at Draco before I follow Sam, but Draco is avoiding eye contact. He's trying to shut himself off. Trying to occlude. Trying to step out of his body, waiting for the coast to be clear and then return again.

But pushing away your feelings doesn't solve your problems. Facing them does. And Draco apparently doesn't face his fucking problems.

My hand grabs Draco's chin and I turn his head towards me, his emotionless, dull and grey eyes piercing through mine as our eyes touch. ''Do not mess with me, Malfoy.'' I say loudly enough for him to hear, but lowly enough to keep the rest out.

He blinks once. Then twice. A swallow. And a clench in his jaws. Emotion begging him to be released, but pressured to stay inside.

I scoff, shake my head and place my hand on his shoulder, squeezing it softly. I then slowly walk towards the girls corridor and the last thing I can manage to hear is Adrians voice saying, ''Well Draco. She's a slut for Lancaster. Who would have fucking thought?''

I grab Sams arm, who was waiting for me at the beginning of the corridor and lead him towards my room.

Sam closes the door as soon as we enter and I turn towards him, looking him up and down. ''You really want this, Bella?'' he says lowly as he slowly starts to unbutton his shirt. I bite my lip, let my eyes glide over him one more and nod with wide eyes.

He slowly walks towards me, penetrating his dark eyes through mine. As he stops right in front of me, I look up at him and I his deep breath caresses my skin.

''To be perfectly honest...'' Sam says lowly as he raises his arm to wrap his hand around my neck, pulling me closer to him. ''I have been fucking looking forward to this for a while now.''