Memory Of A Dear Place

35. B.H.

August, 1996

~\~ Bella Huxley ~\~

If you could die of a broken heart, I would be dead. But I'm not. I'm alive. And the pieces of my heart have been shattered, poking and hurting me from the inside out. Making sure every little spot in my body hurts.

A aching heart is like a sickness. And you don't know if the pain will last for ever. Am I able to forget him? Am I able to forget my first love? Am I able to get rid of the pain?

The boy I wanted so badly crushed me. And I still want him. I long for him. For his touch. His voice. His presence. My name leaving through his lips if he is annoyed with me. Telling me he loves me. Comforting me. Keeping me from killing myself. Making me smile. Making me cry.

It hurts. Everything I have been through isn't even a fraction of the pain I'm in right now. It doesn't get better. It only gets worse.

''I'M DONE WITH YOUR CRYING OVER THAT PATHETIC BOY!!!!'' Amaris screams at me. The words don't even come through. They're far and far away as I am focussing my eyes as the ceiling above me.

A firm grip at my wrist. A pull. The comforting blankets leaving my skin. Feet touching the ground. A hit in the face. Burning skin. Taste of blood.

''YOU'RE WEAK BELLA!!!!'' she screams again.

My vision sharpens. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.

''I'm up... I'm up...'' I huff, waving my hand at her.

I don't exactly know how long I have been here with them since I got back from the dinner. It must have been two or three weeks. It's a prison.

A hand on my throat. Two penetrating eyes. Nails digging into my skin.

''There is no room for emotions when you are serving the Dark Lord...'' Amaris voice echos through my brain.

They have been patient with me. I didn't expect that to be honest.

''There will be consequences if you don't get yourself together before he grants us with a visit...''

My pupils dilate. My breath quickens.

''V- visit...?'' I stutter. A smirk appears on Amaris' face as she releases my throat.

''There she is...'' she says lowly.

''Practice starts in half an hour. Get yourself somewhat presentable'' she says as her eyes roll over my neglected body.

''P-Practice?'' I stutter, but she already disappeared.

I haven't been outside. I have barely left my room. Maybe doing something will get my mind off things. Maybe I can find an escape... Who the fuck knows.

I quickly get myself somewhat ready by brushing my teeth and combing the tangles out of my hair that have been formed over the weeks. I throw on some comfortable clothes. I don't dare to look in the mirror.

I dared to look in it once. At the very beginning. And I saw him. Standing right behind me. I felt his breath on the top of my head.

I slowly get out of my room, taking in the surroundings of the dark halls. It must be somewhere in the morning, but I just can't get used how dark it is inside.

As I walk I just feel myself getting more lost and lost with every step. I didn't realize it before, but I think the house changes itself. Every time I think I know the way and try to get to a specific hall, it's gone. It's fucking annoying.