Memory Of A Dear Place

50. The Lancasters

December, 1996

~\~ Bella Huxley ~\~

I hang there all night, left with nothing but my thoughts and the after pain still flowing through my veins.

Why is it that things have to get worse before they get better? Why can't they just be better? Why is it there's always a monster waiting for you around the corner to snatch everything away again?

It's not as though the monster has a lot to snatch away from me. But it snatched away the one thing that I need to keep me going.

I have to push Draco away and it will break his fucking heart. I could tell him. I can tell him what's been asked from me and we could figure something out.

But I'm tired. I'm tired of having to hide things. I'm tired of lying. I'm tired of coming up with plans. Maybe if I just do what's been asked of me I can see this through. I will make it up to Draco later. He'll understand. He has to understand.

I mostly have been filling my days in the manor with reading, doing schoolwork and practicing my magic both with wand and wandless.

I get my dinner at 7 p.m. sharp every night. I usually eat alone in my room, since my parents are out most of the time. Sometimes Rhys joins me and we eat in an uncomfortable silence.

Rhys ought to train me, but the training is most certainly just for show. It's an attempt in them trying to make me think I'm actually learning something.

As Draco said; as long as I'm not in perfect control over my magic, they're in control over me. It makes perfect sense.

But there's a little light in the darkness that has been surrounding me. It's been getting closer with every day that passed by. And now the light is right in front of me.

I'm getting ready to go to Sam right as we speak and I'm awfully excited about it. Knowing I was allowed to see him during these two weeks has been like fuel.

A soft knock on my door rips me out of my thoughts. I turn to my right as I put some stuff in my bag and find Rhys opening up my bedroom door, placing himself to lean against the doorframe.

"You lucky sod." he says as he shakes his head with a frustrated smirk. "I can't fucking believe you got them to say yes to this."

I straighten my skirt and put on the robe that's been laying on my bed. "It's a strategic choice, Rhys. Nothing more, nothing less."

Rhys scoffs and a clicking sound escapes his mouth. "Bella, Bella, Bella..." He walks closer towards me and as he stops right in front of me he pushes his index finger below my chin to make me look up at him. "I'm not stupid, princess. You don't fool me with your strategic bullshit." He moves his hand so that he holds my chin with his index finger and thumb and playfully moves my head from side to side. "Unless your definition of strategic is being the nice perfect girl during dinner with his parents and getting yourself fucked like a little pet by their son right after."

I swallow slowly and pull my head away from his grip. "It's not like that. Sam is a friend. My only real friend."

"Oh?" Rhys raises his eyebrows and snorts. "Do we fuck our friends now?"

I look up at him angrily and feel magic prickle in my fingertips, eager to be used. Rhys quickly looks down towards my twitching fingers and then back up at me with a challenging expression.

"Try me, princess. I fucking dare you."

I slowly breathe in and out, subtly cracking my knuckles as I dig my fingernails into my palm and then look down towards my shoes.