Memory Of A Dear Place

30. Piano

TW: suicidal thoughts/self harm
I recommend a 'sad' playlist (preferably with piano) whilst reading.
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May, 1996

~\~ Bella Huxley ~\~

''We're just going to have a little fun together Bella...'' 

I scream but no sound escapes my mouth. 

''No one will hear you...'' 

I cry out for help. 

Hand on my waist. Hands on my neck suffocating me. Hands on the back of my head forcing me down. 

''Malfoy doesn't give a shit about you Bella... He won't come for you...'' 

My head is being pulled backwards. 

''Malfoy doesn't mind sharing a little whore...'' 

''Help... Stop...'' I whisper, not being able to scream louder.  

''Fuck you're a tight one...'' 

I scream again, no sound escaping my mouth. Pain. No energy. I can't move. 

I scream as I get up in a bed, soaking in sweat. It was a nightmare. It was a nightmare. It wasn't real. You're safe. 

My heart is beating out of my chest and I'm trying to control my breath as I slowly become aware of my surroundings. Draco's room. But where is Draco?

I can't really remember how I ended up here. I don't even know what time it is. Where the fuck is Draco?! 

I get myself out of his bed, but as soon as I do this I drop to the ground out of pain. I can't even pinpoint where the pain is coming from. It's everywhere. I manage to get myself up and I slowly walk towards the mirror. I look at my damaged body and I gasp as everything that happened hits me right in the face. 

I see Adrian. I see Draco. I see Voldemort. I see my the Huxleys. I see the Manor. I see Draco using Crucio on me. Shattering glass. Flying furniture. Pain. Exhaustion. 

No. no. no. 

I shake my head to get rid of all of it, but it doesn't work. I slap my hand against my head, but it doesn't work. I hit my fists into the wall but it doesn't work. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

''STOP IT!!!!!!!'' I scream. 

''WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!!!!!!!!'' I scream. 

Blood appears on my knuckles as I drop to my hands and knees, eyes wide, heavily panting. It won't stop. It won't fucking stop. The flashes keep going. The pain, the discomfort. I experience it all over again. 

I need it to stop. I need it all to stop. FUCK I'M GOING INSANE. STOP! STOP! STOP!

I get myself up and barge out of Draco's room, my anxiety attack is taking over more and more. I need this to end. I fucking need this to end. I don't want this. I can't do this. 

As I barge through the common room, the only one that's sitting there is Blaise. I ignore him. I need to get out of here. I need this to end now. 

''Bella wait!!!'' Blaise screams. 

I ignore him. I keep walking, but just as I leave through the wall I feel him grabbing my wrist. 

''Bella you can't leave...'' he says quietly. 

My blood starts boiling. I breath heavily as I turn around and press my wand against his throat. My eyes burn through his. 

''Bella...'' he whispers. 

''I need it to end Blaise. I need it all to end Blaise...'' I say shaking my head. I can't see straight anymore. 

''Bella just lower your wand I'll help you...'' Blaise says lowly. 

''HELP ME?!'' I laugh like a lunatic. 

''FLIPENDO!!!'' I yell as I send Blaise flying through the dark dungeon, which ends in him hitting into a wall. 

''Fuck...'' I hear him groan as I walk away immediately. 

The flashes keep appearing in front of me as I walk as fast as I can. I'm going to loose it. I'm going to fucking loose it. I need to get rid of myself. 

I just walk and walk until I reach the stairs to the Astronomy tower. It feels like ages before I finally get to the top. The sun is starting to rise. I don't even feel cold. I only feel pain through my whole body as I experience everything from the last hours over and over, and over, and over, and over. 

I shake my had again as I reach for the edge. The only thing keeping me from jumping off is the wooden fence I'm clenching my nails into right now. I look down, I'm heavily panting as the tears roll down my eyes. 

Everything is coming back to me. Every single thing that happened to me. Every bad thought. Every moment of pain. Every moment of hurt. Every moment of abuse.