Memory Of A Dear Place

40. The broom closet

TW: sexual scenes
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November, 1996

~\~ Draco Malfoy ~\~

When Bella asked me why she fell in love with my a burst shot through my heart. I sincerely do not know how she fell for me after all the things I did to her. Assaulting her, bullying her, abusing her, ruining her. And I still fucking do it to her to this day.

This urge to hurt her takes over my body sometimes. This urge to keep pushing her away, scared she'll get too close again. Scared that she will hurt me. But the truth is I am the one that hurt her.

I feel like a disease, infecting myself and the people around me. And when Bella's memories of me were taken away, the disease left her body. The infection was gone. And now she's free.

We all know there's about 4,5 years of bad memories about me and if I'm lucky about half a year of good ones. And those months are still filled with bad ones. It's no fucking surprise she remembers the bad ones first, because there's barely any fucking good ones to be remembered in the first place.

She might have forgiven me every time, but I haven't forgiven myself. That's why I ran away from her in the Room of Requirement. I'm not ready face myself.

I'm not ready to talk about my bad choices, because I don't have a fucking explanation for them. There is no excuse, although I thought there was one for years.

I can't make new memories with her like this. She will despise me more with every bad memory she gets back. And if I'm lucky a good memory will stop her from wanting to choke me to death.

''Draco.'' A snap. A hand waving in front of me. ''Draco!''

My eyes flicker upwards looking at Sams face, covered with a shadow. ''What are you still doing here?'' He pulls a Ravenclaw Quidditch shirt over his head.

I glance around and the white tiles of the Quidditch dressing room shimmer as the moonlight shines on them through the small windows. I stayed behind after practice, wanting to have a place to have to myself.

''I have been looking for you all day.'' Sam says as he sits down on a bench on the other side of the dressing rooms, leaning his elbows on his knees. I huff and rub my hands over my face. ''You need to have sex with her.'' Sam says.

I frown my eyebrows and lock eyes with Sam, looking for a smirk as if he was joking. But all I see is a dead serious face. ''What?''

''I know you saw us during breakfast this morning.'' Sam shakes his head and clasps his hands behind the back of his head as he looks at the ceiling. ''I am on the verge of breaking this fucking bro code we have going on here, let me tell you that.''

''Sam...'' I scoff and shove my face in my hands, ''I'm not in the mood to talk right now.''

''Too fucking bad.'' He stands up, and his feet appear in my eyesight as he stops right in front of me. ''If you don't talk, I'm going to fuck her brains out.''

''No.'' I jerk myself off the bench and push him away from me, making him crash into the wall behind him. ''You fucking won't.''

I walk towards him and wrap my hand around his throat, leaving barely any air for him to breath, small gasps are leaving his mouth. ''Then talk to me.'' he squeaks as his hands wraps around my wrist, ''You know I'm not scared of you, Draco.''

I scoff and release his throat, making him cough. I turn my back towards him as I trace my hands through my hair. ''She came to see me today.'' I turn back around and find Sam rubbing his neck with wide eyes.