Memory Of A Dear Place

25. Painful

TW: sexual scenes
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April, 1996

~\~ Draco Malfoy ~\~

She has been ignoring me and avoiding me for days. I don't know what the fuck to do anymore. The effect this girl has on me... It's unhealthy. 

She's become my addiction. She's become the only one that I need and want right now. I don't need fucking friends, I don't need my parents. I only need her. Fuck I need her so badly. It's torture.

My head is fuzzy from the alcohol in my blood I've been using again. I'm roaming around the dark halls of Hogwarts. I can't sleep anyway. There's too much stuff going on in my brain. 

I take another big chug from my bottle, feeling the alcohol burn into my throat. I almost stumble over my own feet. I let myself fall against the wall, down to the floor, staring in front of me for a couple of minutes. 

''I was looking for you...'' I hear Sams voice from my left. 

How the fuck did he find me?

''Piss off Lancaster...'' I spit, taking another sip from my bottle. 

''You're a fucking mess Malfoy...'' he says now appearing in front of me, looking down. 

Yes I am. And for what? A stupid fucking girl. 

''Let me help you up...'' he says as he bends over to reach for my arm. 

''I don't need your fucking help Sam...'' I scoff as I push his hand away and try to pick myself off the floor. 

''You do though...'' he huffs. 

''FUCK OFF!!!'' I yell at him trying to find balance against the wall. 

''No.'' he says lowly. 

''Sam if you don't fuck off right now I'm going to punch you in the face again...'' I groan. 

''Mhm...'' he says crossing his arms.

I snap right then and there as I launch a hard punch on his face with my empty fist. Sam walks backwards, his hand reaching for his cheek. 

''Oh you're fucking done Draco Malfoy...'' he whispers as he launches his fist back at me. I can feel it hitting my face, luckily the alcohol is numbing the pain. 

I fall onto my hands and knees, dropping the bottle of alcohol out of my hand. I slowly get myself up again. 

''You piece of shit...'' I whisper as I turn around back to Sam and hit him with another punch in the face. My fists are starting to bleed already. I hit him another time as he falls backwards. 

I crawl on top of him holding him by his collar with one hand, the other one ready to launch another punch. I lock eyes with him, his face is already bloody due to my rings. 

''Get it out then... Fucking punch me Malfoy...'' he says in between his moans of pain. We're both heavily breathing. 

I feel tears appear in my eyes. What the fuck am I doing?! I let go of his collar and get myself up again. Sam gets himself up as well. 

''You know the old Malfoy would have punched me again...'' he huffs, as he strokes his hand through is hair. 

The 'old' Malfoy...

''I'm going to bring you to your common room and you're going to fucking tell me everything...'' he says lowly. 

~\~

Sam and I are sitting in front of each other, both on our own sofa. It is dark inside the common room. The only thing that's offering light is the fire place. 

''So... Bella is the missing Huxleys daughter....?'' Sam asks me in unbelief. 

I nod. 

''And she thinks you cheated on her with fucking Parkinson when she was gone?!'' he asks again. 

I nod again. 

''What a shit show you're in mate... Now I understand the toxic amount of alcohol intake...'' he huffs as he shakes is head with wide eyes, trying to comprehend all the things I just told him. 

We share a moment of silence. 

''It al started with her...''

''I was doing bloody fine without her...'' 

''And now she's the only thing I think of... I can't get her out of my bloody mind...'' I scoff. 

It's hard to like someone so much that you hate them. 

''You need to know Draco I'm not after her at all... She's all yours...''

''...I mean she is gorgeous and I would definitely fuck her if you'd let me!'' he laughs to try and lighten the mood.

''Of course you would...'' I scoff. 

''She's the best thing that happened to you mate... She belongs to you... I've never seen you like this about anyone before...'' he says.

I look up at him, raising my eyebrows. 

''Do you love her?'' he asks me. 

I scoff. Love. A pathetic word. It's based around lies. 

''I don't even know how to fucking love myself, let alone how to love someone else...'' 

I truly wouldn't know. 

''I think you love her...'' he says, penetrating my eyes. 

The word love sends shivers down to my spine. 

''I can't even express how I feel about her...'' I almost whisper. 

Sam smiles. 

''What is it you're so afraid of though...?'' Sam asks me. 

Sam and his fucking difficult questions. He acts like a stupid therapist. 

''Losing myself... to her...''

''...And...''

''...If they find out I did stuff with her thinking and knowing she was a mudblood at the time, they will fucking kill me... And everyone here still thinks she's a mudblood. It would ruin my reputation...'' 

''Your reputation...?! I fucking can't believe you sometimes!'' he scoffs raising his voice. 

I stay silent. 

''Did you ever think about her reputation?! You have been ruining hers since her first day at school? Letting Pansy spread all those rumors about her? Abusing her? Bullying her?''

''...Did you even think about the fact that she let herself get fucked by the guy who made her live a living hell? You took away all of her self respect...'' Sam says raising his voice. 

I have a lump in my throat. The guilt feels like it's eating my flesh away from the inside. 

''I know what I did to her and I have to live with that every day of my fucking live Sam...'' I scoff, trying to press the tears away, appearing in my eyes.

I clench my fingers into the leather of the sofa, staring at my bloody knuckles. 

''What will happen next...?'' he asks me. 

''I don't fucking know Sam! Stop asking me these bloody questions...'' I hiss, raising my voice. 

''This is what normal people do Draco. They talk. You should try it some time... Maybe with the girl who thinks you cheated on her while she was being tortured by your own father?!'' he says sarcastically. 

I know he's right. But it doesn't make is easier. 

''I KNOW!!!!'' I yell, jumping from my sofa. 

''I fucking tried...'' I huff as I start pacing around the common room. 

''Not hard enough apparently'' he says strictly. 

I deserve this. 

''Make. Her. Listen.'' he says lowly. 

''You need to help her through this Draco... You know it's only going to get worse and she's going to go as crazy as her parents if you're not there to carry her through it...'' 

''I barely can carry myself through this Sam! Do you think I want that fucking Death Mark?! Do you think I want all of this?!'' I raise my voice, trowing my hands in the air out of frustration. 

''You're going to lose her if you don't, I promise you that... Voldemort will be eating her alive...'' 

My eyes widen as he calls the Dark Lord by his name. 

''Why do you always have to shove the fucking truth into my face?!'' I scoff. 

I hate the truth. It's painful. It's so much easier to lie, to hide things. At least for me. 

''Because your life always has been and is based around lies Draco. I'm only here to help you face the truth sometimes...'' 

Fucking Ravenclaw wisdom. 

''So what's next mister smart ass?'' I say sarcastically. 

''Let's get that fucking Pansy Parkinson on her knees begging for mercy until she admits her lies to Bella...'' he says lowly, with a dark smirk. 

''Now?!'' I ask him, since it's already past midnight. 

''Fuck yes now...'' he smirks. 

''I knew there was a dark Slytherin somewhere inside of you...'' I say as I can't help to smirk back at him.