Live For Me (Drastoria)

Remorse

I'm tired of crying
I'm tired of yelling
I'm tired of being sad
I'm tired of pretending
I'm tired of being alone
I'm tired of being angry
I'm tired of feeling crazy
I'm tired of feeling stuck
I'm tired of needing help
I'm tired of remembering
I'm tired of missing things, missing her, those eyes, her smile. I should have listened to aunt Bella when she said love is something for the weak, the foolish.
I'm tired of feeling worthless
I'm tired of feeling empty inside
I'm tired of not being able to just let it go
I'm tired of wishing I could just start over
I'm tired of dreaming of a life I will never have. But most of all, I'm tired of being a death eater. For bearing a mark that'll never leave me. A guilt that I must carry forever, the guilt of being a murderer.  father was being tortured everyday. Mother is a total mess. It's not home anymore, it's just Malfoy Manor, turned into Voldemort's headquarters. I felt like a captive in my own house. Every time I saw a murder in my house, I feared my parents' life. 
I pushed myself, and reached the great hall. The thought of her with that filthy hufflepuff drove me crazy, and I regretted all of that happened on the train. Daphne and Blaise were upset, but it's not like I have someone to call mine, to belong to, do I? Every attempt I made to forget her, failed. I regretted doing that, I regretted everything. I wished to forget everything that has ever happened with her. It's been 9 days since she made anything close to an eye contact with me. I went to bed every night not wanting to wake up ever again. The cabinet is finally fixing up, but I'm lacking the courage to actually teleport them. The very thought of it terrorizing me.

I started walking through the busy crowd of students, to the room of requirement. I was preoccupied by thinking about Weasley. I almost killed him, something I really don't want to do. I'd run away, run away from everything, if I had a chance. A chance to be good. To be me. But I can't risk my family, just because of my worthless, disappointing life. I loved my family, Astoria above anything else. I was interrupted by someone, who's probably blind.

"Watch where you're going, you filthy-" my words stopped, as I noticed the bow in her hair. Astoria looked up, her eyes teary. I turned my back to her, on instinct. I didn't know where to go, and ran to the empty lavatory, on the same floor. She called me, but I didn't dare turn around as my eyes were tearing up.
___

"Draco," it came as a whisper.
I followed him regretting every step. He didn't turn around, his pace quickened desperately trying to escape. He went into the moaning Myrtle's bathroom. We were alone. His back still on my face.
"Draco," I whispered again, with teary eyes. He turned around, he finally did. Tears were on the brim of his eyes. I quickly grabbed his face, and pushed my lips against his. Our cheeks were wet with tears, but I forgot everything at the moment. I felt home after what seemed like an eternity. He broke us apart, and shook his head side ways.
"Please give me a chance to speak, or say something, anything," I asked.
"What do you want me to say? That I trusted you more than I trusted my mother? Or that I loved you the most? Don't get close to me," He sneered, I couldn't stop him from going, I shouldn't have done that.
"I'm dying," I whispered, as he stormed out of the place. He couldn't hear me. He needs my help.  I joined my friends who were sitting under the tree, chatting. 

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"He's being a majestic unicycle, and we are being his noble training wheels," Drew said, making me laugh. Poor Jace, they made him feel so single.

"Save me," Jace mouthed.

"We love you both," Scar said.

"Mmm, really?" I asked.

"Why of course," she said.

"Even if I'm a murderer, will you love me?" I asked, my voice cold.

"I'll hide the body," Drew said, making me chuckle.

"You both scare the hell out of me, sometimes," Jace shook his head, laughing along.

Scarlet mouthed something, and Jace rose up understanding we needed some girl time. 

"I'm going to the library, are you coming?" Jace asked, Drew.

"No, I'm not," he said.

"Yes, you are," Scarlet said.

"Yes, I am," Drew got up, and started walking.

"How can you be so clueless?" I rolled my eyes.

"I'm dating an idiot," Scarlet sighed.

"How's it going with the Slytherin Prince?" she asked.

"Terrible," I whined.

"I think he's with Pansy," I said, admiring the grass, under my shoe.

"No," she shook her head.

"Yes, his head was in Pansy's lap, on the train," I told her.

"Do you still love him?" She asked.

"Of course, I do," curse myself for that.

"But why did you break up, Astoria? Well, I know you don't want to talk about it, but I can help," she held my hands in her palms. And I sighed, not knowing what to do.