Hello darling,
It's been almost three weeks...well...nineteen days and six hours...since I saw you last. I know you're here with me, no matter how far you seem to be.
You're settling in well, I suppose? You've found Prongs and Lily? How are they? Regulus? Have you already taken to annoying him for eternity? I'm not sure why I bother asking questions I know the answer to.
I remember when we were only children and would write silly letters just like this one to each other, I still have them all in my trunk. We were so clueless about each other's love. Scared of what they may think of us.
We're still in the middle of a war, my dear. That means there's no time to grieve...even for the greatest losses...even for the ones who have been lost before. That means I can only feel the absence of your presence at night when your side of our bed is empty...when I'm alone and have no one to be strong for. It seems you're always stolen from me at the moments I need you most. Isn't it funny? How that works out?
The day after I looked into your eyes for the last time we were off to another meeting, another location, another topic of conversation. Even though the presence and impact your life had on us all laid heavily over us, you were not brought up. It felt nearly impossible to speak of anything sad when your name was mixed in, seeing as how you were always the life of the party. And, after the way you left, we couldn't possibly hold a funeral...we had not the time, nor the security, nor the vessel to bury...you always did like to put on a show...didn't you.
After all that time...I thought we could make it...I guess I was wrong. It's like you disappeared, like you decided to take a vacation. We all keep excepting you to show up at a meeting with a glass of wine and a few random trinkets you found on your journey...smiling that Sirius Black smile...But you never do...why is that? Oh...right...you did like to say your family would be the death of you.
For the second time in my life, it brings me physical pain to think of you. It's different this time, I must say. The first time, it hurt because you were locked away for a crime you did not commit. I longed for you, waited on you to be released, but I knew that day would come. This time is different...because I know that even though I burn for you as much as the first day I truly loved you...I will never feel you in the same ways I have before. Never touch you, nor kiss you, ever again in an earthly manner. Though I miss you more than a needy child misses his mother...I do fear that our time apart may be rather short as things are only getting worse by the day here.
Time time time time time...that does seem to be the theme here lately, my love. Time between attacks, time before a much-awaited reunion, time enough for a last glance filled with love before you departed, and the time it takes to cast a curse...it truly was an unforgivable one...one that stains my memory every time I close my eyes.
On that note, sleeping has been difficult...I simply can't do it alone...and as much as it pains me, I have found someone to help me get through the long nights. I will never love the way I have you...never ever ever...but when confronted with the fact of the matter, it is true, she does have your eyes and your blood. She is the closest I will ever get to holding you again, pads...and if it's at your will...I will take anything I can get from her.
I love you with all of my heart, all of my mind, all of my body...but you know that...so I guess I only have one final question, Padfoot.
How does it feel to exist only as the thing they tried to strip you of?
-Your Moony
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The Pensive Dragon |Severus Snape Fanfiction|
Fanfiction(Y/N) Black was a Death Eater that had been assigned a big mission by Lucius Malfoy. What was this mission you ask? She had to become the Assistant to the Potions teacher after Lucius suspected the man wasn't a reliable source of information. What w...
