The only way to cope. Snape X reader

CHAPTER 5

Chapter 5

Y/N POV

The weeks went by quickly. I was doing okay. My arms were sore but I hadn't felt the need to do it as much. I was not eating much but it was enough. I was coping. I was enjoying my lessons. I was still severely stuck with the dark arts but everything else was getting easier. Smiling was getting easier, talking was getting easier, being alive was getting easier.

Then it all began again. It was Potter mainly, Weasly chimed in but it was mainly Potter. Ridiculing me, making me look stupid in front of people. Ignored it for a while. Until it got personal. About my family. Then the girls started. I was surprised that they did with them being from Gryffindor. It wasn't too bad at first but then again, it was personal, all led by Potter. They it got worse. It turned physical. It started off with pushing and then it turned to punches. I was miserable again. I withdrew myself from my friends and spent a lot of time alone, trying to avoid the bullying. I'd been strong for weeks but the pain I was feeling meant I couldn't cope much longer. I had to stop it. I stopped eating. It helped for a while but that alone wasn't enough.  My wrists were a mess of lines. It helped. But it was sore. And it looked awful. But at least it helped.

Snapes POV

She's stopped eating again. Picking at her food. Her robes hug losely off her. Like they were two sizes too big. How had I not noticed? This must of been going on for a few weeks now. But she had been a lot better. Only recently had she begun to withdraw into herself again. It was strange. What was going on?
I stormed into my next class. Summoning the shutters to slam closed. The class jumped.
"Open your books to page 219. I want three pages on the ingredients on that page and what they can be used for. In silence!"
They put their heads down and began. After an hour there was some commotion in the back corner. Malfoy and Y/N.

Y/N POV

Draco wouldn't leave me alone. I'm very proud of my work and don't like to be copied.
"Will you stop copying me" I whispered angrily at him. He sniggered and pulled my paper, tearing it where it rested under my hand.
"Now look what you've done!" I hissed at him.
"You should of let me copy then" he laughed.
"Oh will you fuck off draco!" My patience had gone and I shouted at him. Everyone turned around.
"Y/N detention. Stay behind" Snape snapped from the front of the room. I put my head down and sighed. Why did this have to happen today?

Snape dismissed the class and they filed out. Everyone except me. I stayed seated for my detention. It was the end of the day, all I wanted to do was to go to sleep.

"Miss Y/N you will be scrubbing cauldrons for tonight's detention." Snape stated, barely lifting his head from the papers he was grading.
I didn't say a word, I walked over to the sink and began the lengthy task. After nearly an hour I was exhausted, my fingers hurt and my arms ached.
"Miss Y/L/N what have you done?" Snape exclaimed from close behind me. I jumped, not realising he was there. I was confused, I'd done a good job? I followed his gaze, he was looking at my wrists. I'd folded my sleeves up as not to get them wet whilst washing the cauldrons. I hadn't even thought. I dropped the cauldron in the sink and pushed my sleeves down quickly, looking at the ground.
"It's nothing, an accident." I mumbled quietly.
"That's not nothing" snape breathed out. He walked over to his desk and pulled a chair out  by the side of him, he walked back to me and took me by the wrist gingerly, worried about hurting the fresh cuts from last night.
"Y/N" he addressed me by my first name and I felt tears prick my eyes. I couldn't look at him, the shame and the embarrassment too much to look up from my shoes.
"Y/N I need to see okay?" He asked as he went to lift my sleeves. I pulled back fiercely. No way was I going to get him look. His grip was too firm and he kept hold, as I went to pull again I felt the fresh cuts open and I winced.
"Y/N please. I just need to check you're okay." He was gentle, a soft voice I'd never heard before. I relaxed my arm and my tears dropped from my cheeks to the floor. He lifted my sleeve and inhaled.
"Y/N look at me" I couldn't. I couldn't look at him.
"Y/N?" He cupped my face and lifted it to look at him.
"This is not okay. I can't have this happen to you. You don't need to do this." He said gently, one hand still on my wrist and the other on my chin. My tears fell harder and he brushed them away with his thumb.
"What do you know!" I screamed at him, he looked taken aback.
"You don't know what it's like! You don't know what it's like to be bullied and to lose everyone you've ever loved" I screamed in his face and a look of pain flashed before disappearing deep within.
I ran from the room as fast as I could desperate to be on my own. At least I wouldn't have to face him tomorrow as I wouldn't have potions or the dark arts.

Snapes POV

That hurt me. I couldn't let her go down this route. She was wrong. I had been bullied and I had lost the only thing I held dear. I knew how much she was hurting. She didn't turn up to dinner and it worried me. She was thin enough. She was going to make herself seriously sick. I was just leaving the hall after dinner when a small, tiny voice caught my ear. "Professor.." a small cry, I turned. It was Y/N. She'd been crying and had her arms held close to her chest , looking at me with pleading eyes. I dragged her into an open classroom.
"It won't stop bleeding" she whispered,scared.
"I didn't know what to do, I couldn't think of anyone else to go to I'm sorry." I took her arm gently and felt the blood through the sleeve of her robes. I looked at her square in the eyes and she glanced down.
"Come." I told her, hurrying down to the dungeons. She followed, crying quietly behind. I sat her in my quarters and took her arm once again. It was deep. I took a towel from by the sink and held it hard on her wrist. She winced but didn't say a word. We sat there. Quietly for a whole 10 minutes before it finally stopped seeping out. I took some cold water and with another towel wiped her arms for her. She kept her eyes on me the whole time. I grabbed a vial and took the stopper out.
"This will hurt a bit okay?" I spoke kindly to her, scared she would fly out again. She snatched her arm back but I reached again. Taking her hand first.
"It's okay, it's just to keep it clean" she nodded and let me put the ointment on. It sizzled as it hit her skin and she squeezed my arm tightly in pain. Once it stopped I took a bandage from my classroom and wrapped it gently for her, her eyes on me the whole time.
"Okay, I'm going to make it heal a bit quicker okay?" I asked her, she looked scared.
"Will it hurt?" She whispered, tears in her eyes.
"A little. Take my hand." She reached out and gripped my hand gently as I took my wand and spoke a healing charm. Her hand tightened in mine but she didn't cry.
"Now Y/N this has to stop okay. One day this will go too far and we won't be able to do anything. " she nodded slowly but I knew it hadn't registered.
"I'm serious, you're stick thin, your eyes have dark circles underneath and your wrist is a mess. This stops now." I spoke to her sternly. Grabbing her attention. To my surprise she simply lay her head on the desk, her hand still in mine.
"I can't do this anymore Sir. I don't want to carry on." I couldn't take the pain in her voice. I removed my hand and grabbed her face, pulling her round to look at me.
"Don't you ever say that. You can do it. You're a talented witch Y/N who has had terrible things happen. Now go to your dormitory and go to sleep." She blinked and a single tear rolled down her cheek and onto my hand. She stood up, smiled at me and left. This girl will be the death of me.....

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