The only way to cope. Snape X reader

CHAPTER 13

Chapter 13

Snapes POV

The days seemed to drift along quicker than the blink of an eye. I hadn't seen much of her in weeks. Her head had been in her books studying for her OWLs resit and then revising for her N.E.W.Ts. It clearly came as a welcome distraction to her and she had been sleeping thanks to the sleeping draughts she'd been taking each night. But I missed her. The potions lessons not being enough. I wanted to be with her on her own. The glistening eyes as she brewed a potion and the skill in which she did so made me admire her even more. I couldn't wait to spend the holidays with her. Despite how wrong it was to feel this way. I knew she had done exceptionally well in her OWLS resit. The studying and endless nights in the library had done her some good. Along with the extra dark arts lessons she'd been receiving. But I knew the NEWTS worried her. She was petrified of doing the practical exam. Her theory was spot on. Again, down to the books. But knowing she'd have to face a boggart and display her skills in a dual whilst under scrutiny from her teachers was making her nervous. I was glad to see she'd been sleeping. Again she had been skipping meals but I couldn't expect too much from her. She was coping with the news of her parents and her exams on top. It was enough that she was just there.

I'd been looking forward to her potions class all day. Knowing she'd enjoy brewing sleeping draughts as it was secretly for her benefit. If the rest of those pathetic excuses for students could manage it. My eyes followed her to her seat but she didn't raise her head or even acknowledge me. Strange. Something was on her mind. As I explained the task and received a groan from the rest of the class, she stared at the floor in front of her, not bothering to take out her cauldron at all. I watched her, she slowly began to brew the potion after I'd put a cauldron on her desk but the sparkle was missing. She looked as if she wanted to be anywhere other than here. I watched her repeat mistake after mistake. Very out of the ordinary for such a talented pupil. In the end she gave up, resting her head on the desk and facing the other way.
"Miss Y/L/N you will stay behind." The rest of the class laughed but she didn't even glance at me. As I dismissed the class she began putting her books away. Ignoring me completely. I'd only seen her like this after Christmas when her parents had gone and it worried me. She got up, walking towards the door.
"Did you not hear what I said? You will stay behind." My voice was sharp and I saw her flinch. Slowly turning back around and walking to my desk.
"Yes?" Still, her eyes would not lift from the floor.
"Look at me when I'm speaking to you it's rude." She rolled her eyes and stared me out, her brown eyes penetrating my very soul.
"Wrists. Now." I wasn't messing around.
"Excuse me?" She scoffed.
"Lift your sleeves now or I will do it for you."
"You will do nothing of the sort." She snarled and turned to go. What had gotten into her? The kind, caring girl had gone completely.
"Legilimens."
I saw she was being bullied. Someone had found out her parents were death eaters and the whole school had near enough picked on her for it. I saw her sat in a bathroom with yet another blade. I saw her crying her heart out into a pillow. I saw her sneaking out and drinking with the elves in the village again. She was not in a good way.
"Enough!" She screamed at me and suddenly I was watching my own memories. Voldemort, school, James Potter. Lily. Oh god my dearest Lily.
"Get. Out. Now." I growled at her, banishing her from my mind. The look that crossed her face was something of pure fear and guilt.
"Who was she?"
"I said GET OUT!" I bellowed at her, the jars around me shattering. She ran, petrified of what I would do.
Why had I spoken to her like that? Was it because someone had for once succeeded in delving into my own mind or was it because the memory of Lily hurt too much? It was like a betrayal to my darling Lily when I knew my patronus and my amortentia smelt of the girl. I collapsed into my chair and for the first time in 10 years let a single tear fall.

Y/N POV

I didn't know what I had seen. I hadn't even meant to do it. I just wanted him out of my head. I was having a hard enough time convincing myself that I was okay let alone him. Still, I couldn't dwell on it, I had to study. My NEWTS being only a few weeks away.