The only way to cope. Snape X reader

CHAPTER 46

Y/N POV

I certainly had not missed the damp cold of the dungeons that seemed to suck out any slither of warmth you had left in your body as I wandered down after dinner to Severus' quarters. He hadn't appeared on the head table at dinner and I had presumed he must of been so busy with marking the papers from the first year assignment he'd set that I had picked him up a blueberry muffin and a glass bottle of pumpkin juice- he never took enough care of himself to eat when he was stressed with work so if I could ease some of the burden, i was more than happy.

But what greeted me as I strode through the empty classroom and into his chambers stopped the breath in my throat. There was my trunk, my Slytherin scarf still wrapped around the handle. And three pairs of shoes that I normally kept under the bed. And my coat draped over the top of the trunk. And my school books, hurriedly stacked to one side, propping open the door.

"Sev...." my voice caught on my teeth as I slowed to stand in the doorway. He was standing by the couch, a bottle of Firewhisky lay half drunk on the table and a glass nearly full gripped in his fingers. His eyes met mine, dark and cold. The face of the Potions Master. The Head Of Slytherin house.
"Get your things and leave." His voice was so quiet. So dangerously quiet that I thought I may of misheard had it not been for the solemn expression plastered on his features.
"Wha-"
"Take your things and go to your dormitory. You will stay there. You will not come here anymore. Go Y/N."
No no no no no. Don't let this happen please god don't.
"Severus what the fuck?" My voice was hard. Demanding answers. Please don't do this. Please. Everything was perfect. So completely perfect.
"Get out Y/N." His hand had risen to the bridge of his nose as he sighed, not once looking at me.
"Sev, please, what have I done?"
"Get. Out. Now."
"Severus Snape you tell me right now what's goin-"
"ENOUGH Y/N!! Get. Out. You stupid, stupid girl. Did you think this would work? Did you think that I was going to give you more than the time of day once I'd gotten what I wanted?"
"Sev-" Please no. My heart was breaking and yet I couldn't even muster the strength to argue. His eyes told me the story. I was nothing. I was useless. He didn't want me. He never had.
"GET. OUT" the glass flew from his hands, passed my face and shattered into the doorframe beside me. I shuddered.
Don't cry. Don't cry. Be brave. You're better than this. Better than him.
"It didn't mean anything Y/N. You didn't mean anything. Just leave."
Don't cry don't cry don't cry.
"Fuck you."

I didn't let the tears on my eyelids fall. But my voice betrayed me. Breaking at the last second. Breaking at the same time my heart did. Never to be picked up again. I threw the muffin to the floor, dropping the bottle of Pumpkin juice and letting the glass shatter alongside the whiskey glass. I didn't pick up my things. Didn't think I had the strength left to. So I turned, looking him dead in the eyes one last time and summoning my things to float silently behind me. And just like that, every single thing, person and feeling left me.

Snape POV

I broke her. I'd never forget the image of her eyes fighting to keep the tears inside. Never forget the look of devastation on her face as I told her that she meant nothing to me. Cruel. The only way to describe the way I'd just behaved.
But more than anything, I'd never forget the kindness in her heart that had led her to bring me something to eat and drink or the way her voice cracked as she turned on her heels. I'd never forget anything about her for as long as I lived. And I wished I wouldn't have to. Wished I could end this here. But it was the only way to protect her. If I had to force the pair of us to live through hell to keep her safe, I would do it. I wouldn't let another person I cared for so deeply be killed ........

-I'm so sorry if I broke anyone's heart. know it's short again but it's going to work better this way  x