The only way to cope. Snape X reader

CHAPTER 49

Snapes POV

It seemed like hours that I stood on that field and hexed and cursed and jinxed. I gave everything. The anger that had driven me to this point over the past two years of being separate from my love had exploded from my chest as we had risen to meet Bellatrix and the scum that she associated herself with. And yet, despite my efforts and focus on the battle in hand, I couldn't take my eyes off her. Her defensive magic had improved ten fold and it was effortless for her to engage in such wicked spells. But she never looked at me once.

That saddened me the most. That even if we did win this battle, I'd broken her too much. I'd hurt her too much to ever be allowed back into her heart. She had dismissed me as any other member of the Order and it had shattered my heart. And yet I couldn't keep my eyes off her. I knew I shouldn't worry for her. She was more than capable of holding her own. Always had been. So when I finally did turn my eyes from her for a split second, I cursed myself for ever.

In that second that I had turned to deflect a spell, her own father had thrown the dagger that Bellatrix kept tucked into her waistband and aimed at his daughter. I watched it happen in slow motion. Watched it as time halted around me. Watched it as it's blade struck true. Straight into the chest of the girl who fell the second it hit her. But not before she shot that final spell. Not before she uttered the killing curse and caught bother her father and Bella in one.

It didn't matter then. None of this mattered. Those words I'd spoken to her, the years I'd left her, this god forsaken battle. Nothing mattered as my legs carried me quicker than they ever had over the field and collapsed at the side of her. The hilt of the blade stuck out from her chest and even I knew it was pointless to try and do anything. She knew it too. The look in her eyes confirming everything as I pulled her to sit against me, pressing my hand to the dark patch that was spreading across her front. Her face had paled, sweat bearing on her forehead and her eyes, they were sad.

"I never stopped loving you." My voice broke. I couldn't stop the tears that fell down my face as she tried desperately to catch her breath where she lay against me, her hands hot against my bare arms. And her arms. Littered with scars and cuts and that broke me further. That I hadn't been there when she needed me. That I, perhaps had caused those wretched marks on her skin.

"I know." Her voice was barely a whisper but it was all I needed. To know she didn't hate me. To know i had loved her all this time. Her hand found it's way to my cheek, wiping away the tears as I had often done for her, the girl who had been a simple fifth year witch who was exceptional at potions and had captured my heart.

"I wish we had more time." I couldn't stop the tears now, uncontrollable and flowing quickly. I hadn't cried like this even over Lily. The field around us had fell quiet and I could feel the rest of the Order around us, nobody moving as they too knew it was too late to save her. I needed more time. I NEEDED more time with her.

"You don't, I know you never stopped- lov- loving me. An- and I. I nev- never st- stopped. L- loving you. Sev." She'd learnt Occlumency. She had wandered straight into my head. I could see her there. Scanning over what I'd been up to in the last two years.

Her eyes closed then. And my heart ripped from my chest and went with her. Never to be found again.

I didn't realise that arms were pulling me off the floor. Didn't realise until I was far enough away that I could see them pick her lifeless body from the floor and carry it with them. Too much. This was all too much. I needed to get away.

Hey, sorry if I broke anyone's heart. I broke my own too. Please continue to read though, I have a few more chapters left and you've all been amazing and supportive so far 💕 let me know what you think and I'll see you all in the next update 💖