The only way to cope. Snape X reader

CHAPTER 51

Y/N POV

When Dumbledore had called for me at my home toward the end of summer, it had come as no shock. The Order had kept an unnervingly close eye on me after the battle with Bellatrix and my Father. Always on hand should I need anything and Lupin often appeared to keep me company once a fortnight.

I had defied my own logic, had defied anything within the realms of possibility by surviving that day.  I'd pulled a stunt very similar to the one I'd pulled on the battlefield before, playing with potions and altering them to assist me and whatever plan I had created. The one I had brewed however, had acted entirely differently to what I had expected. It had meant to be a blood replenishing potion that would continue to work for hours after it had been ingested, all I needed to do was dodge the spells.

It had come from the little book I had found in the library one day. Property of the half blood Prince. I knew who he was. How could I not recognise the handwriting of the man I had loved amongst all others? It was a combination of his spells and adaptations to ministry approved potions that had allowed me to make the blood replenishing potion. Or so it should have. Instead, it had knitted the flesh around where Bella's dagger had struck me, had kept my blood flowing and replenished it, repairing the damage that the dagger had caused at the same time.

It had come at a cost. I had been gravely ill for many months afterwards, barely having the energy to sit up, often relying on members of the Order and even employed Prinby back to help me with the most simplest of tasks.

But slowly, I had come back to life. I now could do most of the activities I had done before and only needed excessive amounts of sleep at most three nights a week. It had, however, come at the cost of my mental health. So although I was alive and exceptionally grateful for whatever was in the potion that had kept me in this world, I couldn't shake the feeling of despair, of worthlessness, of undeniable loneliness.

So no, it had not come as a surprise that Dumbledore had asked me to teach the subject I knew so well and had experimented with a lot over the years. And I had accepted instantly. Glad to be of service and able to be with people once more. Glad to have something to distract my broken mind.

I thought often of Severus. How he had been broken as he watched my eyes shut. But I didn't dare ask for him. Or his whereabouts. I couldn't put him through the trauma of seeing me when I could only imagine he had moved on and settled happily with someone else.

On taking the position of Potions Master at Hogwarts, I had assumed Severus had left the school, leaving the position vacant. Had not seen the sparkle in Dumbledores eye as I had agreed to the position.

It had pained me to enter that classroom. To see the desk I had often sat atop and teased him. To see the desk I had sat at and written essay after essay. And it had pained me most of all, to enter the chambers we had shared together. The scent of him lingered there, spices, and leather and rain on a spring morning. And my eyes had nearly wept as I caught sight of my jacket, still hung on the chair I had sat at each morning. He hadn't got rid of it. My fingers had stroked the dragon hide as I slipped it on, my own scent mingling with his. And the silk ribbon that lay on the desk that I had so often braided my hair with had felt cool in my fingers as I tied my hair into a half pony tail.

The first week had begun slowly and easy, exactly how it needed to and it had brought me some comfort to be in the classroom I knew so well, had excelled in and become confident and sure of myself.

And yet I found myself falling apart as calloused hands gripped my face and onyx eyes met my own.
We had both never imagined it. Could of never predicted we would end up in each other's arms, sat lounging in the potions chambers beside the fire.

He had kissed every single scar and cut on my wrists in the evenings that followed that first meeting. He never pried. Never asked me to speak of what I'd gone through in the past three years. I didn't either. He had avoided asking me so I wouldn't ask him. He had obviously been in as dark a place as I and I would not bring those shadows into the light.

Eventually though, as the nights of that first week passed and he had held me In these quarters each evening, making love to me in a way that he never had before, he found the courage to ask me how I did it. How I went to the grave and came back.

"On my very first lesson with you, when you embarrassed Harry in front of the entire class, you told us you would teach us something. You told us you could teach us how to put a stopper in death. I guess you really did." His eyes cast over my face as I spoke before he pulled me close to him.

"Never again. Never again Will I lose you." I believed it. I believed every single word.

2 years on

I hadn't cut my wrists since Severus had found me again.
My life was how I wanted it. We covered each others lessons, both of our expertise teaching the students something in both Potions and the Dark arts before we could collapse beside each other in the evening.

We had spoken of children, and decided that we needed to enjoy eachother first. My whole life had been spent trying to find comfort and a place where I was safe and I didn't think I was ready to give that to somebody else yet. I needed him to just be mine for the moment. I would want them. Eventually. But for now, I was content to achieve everything I'd ever wanted In life and when we were ready, we would make a family that would never have to know the pain and upset that we had both been through.
It was enough.

Heyyy, so that unfortunately is a wrap!

I can't Thankyou all enough for supporting this story and I love you all.
Writing this dragged me out of a very dark place in the time that I needed it the most and I will be forever grateful for that.

So although this is the end of this story, I do have a new Sev X Student on the way which will be called To Melt A Heart Of Ice. I will post an update on here when it's ready to go live for those of you who wish to read it or if you follow me, I'll post an announcement.

Once again, thankyou for being so kind and supportive, I love you all 💕