Snapes POV
I hadn't been told of her whereabouts. I hadn't been told she had even left the school and yet I knew. Couldn't feel her presence in the walls and no matter how many hours I stood outside Mrytles bathroom, longing to see her eyes, even if they were red and puffy, she didn't come.
No matter that Dumbledore had kept us separate to ensure her safety. No matter that I was under as much protection as she was from the remaining Death Eaters and Bellatrix for my betrayal. None of it mattered because I'd lost the only thing I'd cared enough to carry on living for. Dumbledore could threaten me all he liked, but in the end, threats would do nothing to deter me, for I had nothing to lose.
He knew this, of course, and I could only conclude that this was the reason he allowed me to start attending Order meetings again.
As the train finally left Hogwarts for the summer, packed with Students who perhaps felt deflated to be returning home, I took out the scrunched piece of parchment from the pocket inside my robes. The slanted ink of an overly sharp quill on that page had my heart beating in my chest. I'd read enough impeccable essays to recognise the handwriting instantly. And I knew the address just from sight of the words alone. She had written it. She had been the one to hand this parchment to Dumbledore and in turn, pass it on to me to reveal the next safe house. Secret keeper.
She'd let us into the one place she felt safe and had allowed the Order to use it as a stronghold. I could only hold my breath as I apparated from the station and appeared in front of that rose covered mansion once again. That summer sun that she kept so unbearably warm over the property beat down rays that reflected off every surface, basking the house in light that seemed to glow as my eyes fell upon it.
I nearly turned and left there and then. Too nervous to lay eyes upon a girl I had not seen in weeks. Would she be too thin? Her arms too scarred to even be bared in her own house? I couldn't stand out here forever. We needed to deal with the matter of Bellatrix and her relentless recruiting programme and that meant working with the Order to bring down the frenzied witch.
My hand had knocked on the door before I could retreat and it swung open to reveal Tonks, bright eyed and bushy tailed as ever. I followed her through to where they had gathered in the library around a large table. My eyes however, fell on the girl who sat on the piano stool, the face of calm collection as she simply observed what was going on. A nod was all she allowed me before standing, collecting the book which lay on the piano lid and leaving the room. She couldn't stand to be near me.
My mind wandered as the meeting was spent discussing tactics and how we would act out this new war. I hadn't wanted to become a double agent. Hadn't wanted any of it with Potter and had been glad to be holding allegiance to one person and one person alone. Had flat out refused myself to even think of doing it again. But, I had nothing to lose. If it would keep her safe. If it would keep her from Bella and her father, I'd do it again. All of it. To keep her safe.
So I found myself stood in Spinners end. A place I had not frequented since the Battle of Hogwarts and braced myself to infiltrate Bellatrix's ranks and rise to be her most faithful servant as I had done the Dark Lord. I prepared myself that I would be in the company of a man who had hurt the girl I loved. A man who had let atrocious things happen to his daughter and told myself I wouldn't lay a hand on him. Not until it was over. And then I would make him suffer.
2 Years On
Snapes POV
I had played my part well over the last two years. I had learned every trick that Bellatrix and her new army had up their sleeve. Had learnt that they planned to take the girl and use her as leverage on the ministry. Had learnt that they planned to launch an attack. Had learnt that her father really was as vile a person as she had described to me. And I'd relayed every part of this to Dumbledore and the Order.
If my nerves had been unsettled two years ago as I entered her house, they were chaotic now. Would she be alright? Would be have coped? Would she be with somebody new? I couldn't dwell. Not with battle looming hours away. I had to get through this. And then I would have her. And I would go wherever she needed to go. Would do anything to be with her.
I entered the house through the same door as I had before and walked through the hall to the kitchen, aiming to walk through and into a dining room where I knew the Order were waiting. The smell hit me first. Spices, herbs, sweet, sour. And then the bubbling of potions. She had filled every surface in this kitchen with cauldrons and turned it into her very own potions lab. Pride swelled in my chest. The girl had been incredible and it filled me with such incredible pride that she had continued in the art.
The clearing of a throat set me back from where I had leaned over a cauldron of amortentia. Not fully brewed yet but still holding the distinctive scent of vanilla and spice apple. My eyes raised to find a woman stood before me. Not the girl that had left school two years ago but now a woman with curves in the right places and eyes that drew me in from across the room. She was magnificent. Dressed in the same black jeans and knee high boots as always, a black, long sleeved v neck with small emerald snakes crossing over her shoulders. Elegant as ever.
"Are you ready?" Her voice. I nearly fell apart there and then. A voice that hadn't changed at all. A voice that was music to my ears and a funeral song at the same time. I could only nod. I couldn't even bring myself to grip her hand and apparate. Choosing instead to link arms with Black.
Her eyes met mine as we launched into that battle. Spells flying and screams filled the field and yet I couldn't take my eyes off her. The way she moved and fought was like nothing I'd seen before. And certainly not the way she had moved before. I couldn't do this. I couldn't be near her. Couldn't even fight beside her without feeling like I'd fall apart. This had broken me more than I could of ever thought possible.
Okay. So I know it's a little all over the place. But I want you all to understand that this is how Snape was over this time. He was all over the place and couldn't think properly. I hope you all enjoy what I've written so far and I would love to hear what you think of it x
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The only way to cope. Snape X reader
Fantasy***Currently re editing *** After Y/N family was taken in a serious accident she had to learn to be alone. When she starts learning some unhealthy coping strategies, it's up to someone to help.
