The only way to cope. Snape X reader

CHAPTER 40

***Heyyy, I'm so sorry I took so long to update! I just have become aware of how erratic and fast my writing had become that I don't think I was doing this story justice by simply publishing for the sake of it. My life has been hectic the past couple of weeks so I wanted to make sure I was happy and had taken the time to properly sit down and write before publishing this chapter- I hope you can all understand 🤦🏼‍♀️

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it, we've got much more to come so I do apologise if the updates take a little longer than usual. I just don't want to rush and ruin this just for the sake of publishing chapters quickly 💖***

Y/N POV

Life was becoming easier as I found the weeks ticking by until the June sunshine peaked through the gap in the curtain, comforting my shaking body. I had again had the same dream. My parents in a room with Bellatrix. I couldn't reach them yet it seemed that Bellatrix always waited for a signal that I was attempting to save my parents before screaming the incantation to silence my mother forever. It unnerved me and yet I knew there was no truth to the dream. They were gone and so was she.
Perhaps that was why, when Severus returned to the bedroom to find my eyes wide and chest heaving that I simply lied to him, telling him I was dreaming of the Ravenclaw boy touching me.
It wasn't that I didn't want him to know about these dreams, it was that I didn't want to worry him when I'd been doing so well. My sessions spent in Lupins office although aggravating to both myself and to Severus, had helped enormously. I finally felt in control for the first time since my parents had died.

Of course, this had been reflected in my relationship with Severus and I found myself utterly and totally consumed with my love for him. I found myself waiting for the clock to strike six each evening, signalling that he could finally dismiss his last class of the day and we could sit wrapped in each other's arms or reading down by the Black lake once curfew had removed the danger of any students discovering
A) what and where I had disappeared to after the night of the Hufflepuff party
And
B) The fact that Professor Snape was in a relationship with a student

So no. It wasn't that I didn't want him to know about my dreams. It was that i was scared that if I told him, If he thought that something was wrong with me that all of this would disappear. This calm, happy, loving feeling that enslaved my days and made me feel alive would disappear and I would be left unable to cope with the feelings that had finally been kept at bay. Severus had tried to help me when he'd discovered my cut wrists the previous year, it was only to be expected that if he believed something was wrong now, he would try to help and ultimately, we would end up at each others throats and me feeling broken once again.

Besides, they were only dreams. I'd always had nightmares, always made it snow in my dorm, always woken up screaming, always woken the girls in my dorm yet this was indeed different. More real. Perhaps because it evoked such strong feelings that gave it the feeling of being more real because it couldn't be could it? Everybody in that dream was dead. It simply wasn't possible.

"Dumbledore has requested that I ask you if you feel up to attending your classes again? Perhaps starting with potions?"
The question didn't take me by surprise. It was evident that I had been feeling much better. My arms were clear, just the remnants of silvery, shining lines lay where red ones once sat. Talking to Lupin had been a huge help and as much as I was enjoying simply spending time alone with Severus, I knew how important my studies were and the reality of the fact that I was a student.

"I guess that would be okay. I'll attend them all Sev, I don't need to miss my other classes if I'm attending potions now." A small smile threatened to light up his face but his mask was quickly returned, not wanting to show how pleased he was that I was feeling better yet it made me smile all the same. He truly was handsome and it made my heart beat wildly in my chest every time he glanced at me.