The only way to cope. Snape X reader

CHAPTER 35

Snapes POV

The sinking feeling in my stomach was getting worse the longer Y/N lay unconscious on the couch in my quarters. Nothing had worked to undo the damage the poison had so dramatically caused to the girl and with each minute of time that ticked by, it was a minute less I had to save her.
It was dawning on me as I sat and watched her face for any sign of life after forcing another Bezoar down her throat that perhaps I really did still care about her. After she'd done what she had I couldn't allow myself to be close to the girl who I had without a doubt, driven to fake her own death and in the process, broken me all over again. But as I watched her face, the white skin, her now blue lips, I felt my heart ache. Why couldn't I save her? Why did everything i have ever cared for in this life been ripped away by the hands of something I could not control. I tried to look inside the girls mind for any sign of her waking up but it was black and it revealed nothing beside the pain her body was experiencing. Why did she have to be talented at the precise skill of Potion making? Why did she have to research the ingredients so thoroughly that she had managed to find the one ingredient I would not be able to wake her from? And how had she got hold of it? Of course. Yet again it was my fault. If I'd of prevented the door from allowing her access to my personal ingredient store than perhaps this wouldn't of happened. It was weak to assume that. She would of found a way if she really had wanted to end her life. And it was all my fault........

Third person POV

Upon entering the Potions classroom Professor Mcgonagall gasped and placed a shaky hand on Dumbledores forearm. Never had she seen Severus' classroom in such a state. There were small wooden boxes and large glass jars and open cupboards and open drawers. It seemed as though the entire room had been emptied of magical herbs and substances in his efforts to wake the girl. Neither Professor nor Headmaster wanted to enter the open door to Severus' quarters for fear of what they might find. Alas, it was inevitable. A student was in severe danger and it was entirely appropriate of her headmaster to assist in her care, no matter how much of an invasion of privacy it may seem upon Severus.
"How is she, Severus?" The words of the Headmaster riled up an anger deep inside Severus that had been growing for the past ten minutes and it seemed to him that it was spiralling out of control as each second ticked by more painfully than the last. It had all become too much and, as a soft hand was placed on his shoulder, the anger burst from him like a caged lion. Flipping the coffee table in his quarters, scattering bottles and jars and discarded herbs across the room he turned defensively to look at the two Professors before him.
"How. Is. She? She's about to die! Help her!" By this point, the worried face of Madam Pomfrey had appeared in the doorway beside Mcgonagall, almost awaiting permission to take a step towards the girl who lay still, her breathing becoming slower and more shallow as the time ran away with them.
"I have not seen this before Headmaster, it is rare to use Spindle berries in Magic and I dare say Severus has tried everything that I myself would of attempted to help her."
"You're a healer! Help her!" The anger in Severus' voice was very clearly, to those around him, becoming etched with a painful, desperate plea as the Slytherin girl lay unconscious in the darkness and it was too, very apparent that they were running out of time and skill needed to wake her.
There had to be something he'd missed. After all, he was the one who had taught her everything she had ever known about Potions, it couldn't be something he didn't already know. There was nothing peculiar about poisoning oneself that should of stumped him in this way and yet she had managed it. How had she done it? They were only berries, it shouldn't be this complicated that a simple Bezoar wouldn't work. Unless that was exactly it. Maybe it was too simple that it shouldn't work.
Muttering to himself, Severus left the room and began to think, deep in thought about what actions the girl could of possibly taken to ensure that nobody would wake her. Her hands were covered in the pigment of the berries, that much was obvious. But was there something else? Returning to the room and making his way back to the girls side, in a last ditched effort, he took her hands in his own and examined them. What were they missing? How had she managed to poison herself and know that she wouldn't be able to be woken up again. Her hands were empty. Cold and white.
Still stuck in his thoughts, Severus ran his eyes over the girl. Her mascara had run down her cheeks, the buttons of her blouse were missing, her heel was snapped and her hair fell in loose waves around her shoulders. She didn't dress like this normally. It was late. Very late. Why was she awake at this time and more importantly, why were the rest of the students? The pieces were all starting to come together in his head like one huge jigsaw that didn't quite fit properly. Clearly, there had been a party of some sort. Which meant she would of been drinking...... Could it be? Did she even know the magic regarding that? Was it possible?
A million thoughts rushed through Severus' head as he tried desperately to fit the pieces of the puzzle together.
"You clever , clever witch." His words broke the silence and three sets of eyes turned to watch him as he rummaged quickly through the drawers of his own kitchen.
"Severus?" Dumbledore had clearly also come to the same conclusion as he had as he began to help the Potion master, beaming as he pulled a small vile from a cupboard held it out to Severus.
"Am I missing something?" Madam Pomfreys voice was as confused as the look on Mcgonagalls face as Severus stormed back to the couch where the girl lay motionless.
"Anything Elf-Made, when mixed with Spindle Berries creates a magical combination that cannot be cured. She has a reputation for drinking with the Elves and it is evident that the students have, without our knowledge, had a party tonight. She would of, I am hoping, drunk something Elf-Made and when wanting to take her life, decided that if someone were to try and help her, she would need something that would be seemingly incurable. I presume she was thinking that by the time we figure it out, it would be too late." It was all a mess of words coming from Dumbledores lips as Severus poured the contents of the vial into the girls mouth before rushing back into his classroom. Mcgonagall, still desperately confused, urged the headmaster to continue.
"Severus has given her a sobriety potion. This should remove the alcohol from her blood and if all is well, a simple Bezoar should bring her round from the poison of the berries."