The only way to cope. Snape X reader

CHAPTER 18

Chapter 18

Y/N POV

I didn't remember going to bed, or to sleep for that matter. When I woke, I looked around the room. I was sure that Severus had slept in this bed last night but he wasn't here? I sat up, last nights alcohol not having the best of effects on my head and the duel with the death eaters had tired me out. I yawned as his dark figure appeared in the doorway.
"Good afternoon." I looked quickly at the clock. 11am.
"Well it's not, is it."
"It may as well be, you were out like a light last night." My head really did feel like it was splitting in two. I swung my legs out of the bed to find myself in someone's else's shirt. This isn't what I'd be wearing last night. A chuckle brought me back to reality as Severus handed me a cup of tea.
"You cannot remember a thing?" His eyebrows raised and an amused grin crossed his face.
"After you practically begged me to stay with you, you proceeded to undress, not wearing anything under your ball gown and insisting you had no other clothes." He was trying to embarrass me. Of course I'd remembered I'm tried to seduce him but not much was coming into recollection after that. Of course it was his shirt, it smelled exactly like him.
"So did we? Sleep together?"
"We slept BESIDE eachother yes. Now get dressed, we've got things to do." I really contemplated it over in my head before coming to the conclusion that there couldn't possibly be any negatives from what I was going to do. He was a male after all? With him stood in the doorway, I took the shirt off. He looked away instantly.
"Not that unattractive am I?"
"You know exactly what you are doing and as I told you last night. You are not ready for that. You are sixteen Y/N. This isn't right." He was frustrating. I summoned some clothes I knew I had in my dormitory upstairs and clambered into them. Why was he such a prude? I wonder if he was this frigid with his other girlfriends. Instantly regretting my thought process as he turned toward me, forgetting he was constantly dipping in and out of my head. Those black eyes didn't leave my face as he strolled towards me, commanding attention.
"I suggest. You watch what you're thinking." The whisper he sent into my ear sent a shiver down my spine. He was so close. I took my chance, reaching up to kiss his soft lips. To my surprise he responded, kissing me back hungrily. The kiss became more passionate, he pushed me backwards against the wall, his hands travelling around my body. When I couldn't be pushed back any further he lifted me off the floor, my legs wrapping round his waist as his hands tangled in my hair, the kiss becoming hotter and hotter. All too soon it stopped, he placed me back to the floor. I was panting, begging for more.
"Not frigid little one, but more considerate of what you could handle." With a swoop of his cape he left the room. And left me wondering if I could handle him at all. That had left me breathless, out of control and more importantly, wanting him. Maybe I wasn't ready for him yet?

I followed him through to his classroom where he was sat at his desk.
"Severus? Why did they come for me last night?" It was a question that had been on my brain since I'd woken up and it was still worrying me now.
"Because they're worried. Voldemort's not coming back and they're trying to recruit a base behind them so it is more difficult for the ministry to capture them and send them to Azkaban. We believe they may be trying to take you hostage. As a bargaining tool." I felt sick. First they'd killed my parents and now I was being used as leverage. My face clearly gave away my distress as Severus' stern face softened.
"We won't let them get to you. But you need to be careful. It was a mistake taking you out in the open last night. You're safe here but you must stay inside the castle. If it were up to me I'd say you shouldn't be left alone, even in these walls but alas Dumbledore thinks it cruel. You may go about the castle but ONLY about the castle. You don't go outside and you are to be back in this room by 5pm every evening. Until at least the rest of the students return from Summer." It worried me greatly that they thought I was in danger. I'd had enough of being cooped up all summer, I just wanted to be outside. Accepting my defeat I walked over to the potions store and began collecting ingredients to brew a sleep potion. The dreams hadn't been too bad of late but with the stress of the situation being on my mind I knew it would be a matter of time. Severus hovered near me, watching every move. He was clearly under estimating my talent seeing as I hadn't brewed anything for over a month but he needn't have worried. I loved potions. It took my mind off the chaos that had ensnared my life. My hands shook as I attempted to pour the finished potion into a vial and Severus' hands closed around mine, doing it for me. His fingers lingered a little too long, making me blush.
"Thoughts to. Your. Self." Why was he constantly in my head??
"How about you stay out of my head then?" I was aware of how close he stood behind me, his breath tickling the hairs on the base of my neck. A hand grabbed my shoulder, pulling me round to face him abruptly.
"Need I remind you Miss Y/L/N that you are still my student and I your professor." He was playing with me, seeing if I dared take it any further. I raised an eyebrow, tilting my head slightly. Licking my lips I looked into his eyes, plotting my next move.
"Well then Professor.... I suppose I should report you for kissing a student at approximately 11am this morning?" A flash of something I couldn't quite pinpoint crossed his eyes as I slowly started to move around him. A hand grabbed my wrist, pulling me close to him.
"You'll do nothing of the sort." His lips grazed my ear as I felt my knees go weak. It was too much, he was so close. I turned my head to face him and he took control, pulling me towards him as my lips met his greedily. It was rough, passionate. He picked me up, my legs resuming their position around his waist as he sat me on his desk, his hands reaching up my shirt as the kiss intensified. I wanted him so badly. Wanted his so desperately to take this to the bedroom. As he ripped open my shirt my hands started to explore his chest, his solid frame pressing hard against me. A gasp escaped my lips as his hands roamed over my breasts, the kiss becoming more and more desperate.
"Please-" I breathed into him, begging for him to give in. It wasn't quite the reaction I'd hoped for. He pulled away, looking where his fingers had travelled. Over the deep scars on my chest.
"Who did this to you?" His eyes filled with pity, embarrassing me. I wished desperately I could cover myself but my shirt lay tossed on the ground.
"I can't remember I- it was one night when my parents had woken me and we had to run. My father had left me with a man, looking back now probably a death eater. He'd tried to do things to my but I tried to get away, this is how he retaliated." His eyes followed the deep gauges across my chest, making me feel ashamed and inadequate.
"Y/N. I'm so sorry. I should never of done this with you." He picked my shirt up and wrapped it around me, the shame filling my cheeks.
"It's okay I wanted-"
"No. It is not okay. Such a brutal attack like this is mentally scarring for your mind. I can't take advantage of you like this." He buttoned the few buttons id managed to undo on his shirt as I felt the tears prick my eyes. He'd rejected me because of my scars. I stood up, shoving past him and running into the bedroom.

I'd been laying under the blanket for a few hours now. Staring at the ceiling or consoling myself before he strolled in, standing over the bed.
"Get up. We're going to have dinner with Dumbledore in the hall." I didn't respond, still heartbroken that he thought I was so ugly he couldn't bare to touch me.
"Y/N. Up. Now. You've been in here all afternoon!"
"I'm not hungry." My voice barely above a whisper I turned over, facing the wall.
"I don't care, you're coming with me." I felt the blanket be pulled from me and I dared him to try and force me. It wasn't long, his hands grabbed my arm and I snapped.
"Get. Fucking. Off me! You couldn't bare to even look at me earlier what gives you the right to lay a fucking finger on me!" I screamed in his face and it took him by surprise.
"You think that's why i stopped? Because I didn't want to look at you? I stopped because it's unfair Y/N. That man tried to rape you. It would be unfair for me to do anything with you that may make you feel uncomfortable or replicate that in any way."
"So what about when I had sex with Draco then! How was that any different to whatever this is between us!" My voice was growing louder and louder, my anger finally releasing the pain I'd endured all afternoon.
"Because you were a child and so was he!" It was silent for a few moments. I couldn't work out what he was trying to say.
"I told you i care about you and I mean it. But I will not put you in a situation that will upset you just so you can hurry into something." I didn't know what to say. My mouth opened and closed but I couldn't speak.
"Can I stay here whilst you go to dinner? I just need some time to myself." My tearful eyes met his own and he nodded. Leaving the room and shutting the door quietly.

Snapes POV

She was asleep when I returned. There was so much about her that I didn't know. Pain that she'd gone through unnoticed. I sat down and began to read, her breathing quiet and soothing as background noise. The scream that erupted from her was chilling to the bone. Her dreams captivating her mind as she wreathed in the bed, clawing at her skin, screaming but not conscious.
"Stop make it stop!" Her cries filled my ears as I tried unsuccessfully to wake her up, her clawing at her skin, leaving deep scratches from her nails covering her arms and legs. With a gasp she sat bolt upright, shaking uncontrollably, tears pouring down her cheeks.
"Make them stop please make them please. Get them out of my head!" She begged me, still clawing at her face and her body, fighting me as I held her arms to her body to prevent her from hurting herself further.
"Y/N. It's not real, it's not real calm down." Her eyes found mine and gradually calmed, realising where we were.
"Please get them out of my head. It hurts." Barely whispering, the tears brimming on her eyelids, she looked down at the scratches her nails had inflicted on her body, still shaking in shock. She needed to be trained in Occlumency before it was too late. They were getting inside her head.

***So there it is! I'm really not sure if this is any good so any feedback from you guys would be much appreciated! Also if you could vote it would be greatly received 🥰***