The only way to cope. Snape X reader

CHAPTER 16

CHAPTER 16

Y/N POV

I didn't leave my room for days. Too scared to see him. What if it was a mistake? I couldn't handle the rejection again, it would surely break me. I heard the door slam downstairs and decided after listening for five minutes that he had left the house. I took my opportunity and crept downstairs, I was hungry and I hadn't slept for days, staring at the ceiling or panic attacks from my nightmares had consumed me. I needed a potion. I looked through his cupboards quietly, trying to find a cauldron but didn't succeed. What potions master doesn't keep a cauldron in his home? I eyed the piano and closed my eyes. I needed something to take my mind off things. With a flick of my wand the papers stacked on top piled themselves neatly on the floor and I pulled out the stool to take a seat. I placed a single finger on a key, pleasantly surprised to see it in tune. My fingers brushed over the keys, seeming to play themselves as I struck the keys. The music calmed me. Reminded me I was good at something. I began to sing. Singing anything that came to mind and that my fingers knew how to play. I sang louder, aware that I was alone and wanted a release from my mind. A hand on my bare shoulder made me jump, hitting a key that was not part of this song. I turned, scared of who was there. It was only him, a small smile on his face.
"You're very talented." I couldn't meet his gaze. Too scared of what he was going to say.
"You look dreadful." Gee thanks, I know I hadn't been sleeping but I didn't think I looked that bad.
"I'm okay. Honest." Still not meeting his eyes I got up from the piano, picking up the papers I'd stacked on the floor.
"Sorry. I didn't realise you'd come back, I didn't mean to be rude and move anything." I mumbled and turned, wanting to get out of the situation.
"Stop." I turned slowly, cursing myself for being so awkward.
"Y/N about the other day. I'm sorry. It was unprofessional. It won't happen again." There it was. The inevitable rejection. I couldn't speak for fear that the lump in my throat would come out in a jumble of words. I simply nodded, let the tears fall silently and headed back upstairs.
"Y/N-"
"Leave me alone!" I slammed the door, and sobbed. Why did nobody want me? I took out a blade and extinguished my frustration. Again. And again. And again. I thought this was what he wanted. But yet again I was rejected. It was too much to bear, I drew silent lines across my wrist, waiting for my mind to go numb. It seemed to take forever, I couldn't get the thought of him out of my head. Eventually, when the room began to spin did my mind shut down. Focusing only on breathing. My eyes went heavy and I let the comfort of the darkness and not feeling take me......

Snapes POV

The sound of the piano and her voice together had been angelic. She was extremely talented and must of had hours and hours of lessons. She was quiet though, upset. Had I really upset her by kissing her? She looked a state. Her hair unbrushed, her collarbones sticking out from the straps of her vest and her eyes, dark and sunken. Her anger seemed to increase when I attempted to apologise, the door earning itself a slam for my words. It had been an hour since I'd spoken to her and deciding that I'd left it long enough for her to calm down I knocked on the door. Nothing.
"Y/N can I come in?" Still nothing. Was she asleep? I opened the door hesitantly. The room was dark, the lights of and curtains drawn. I switched on the lights and walked over to the window to let the light in. As I turned around to look at her, she lay in the bed, her arm hanging down the side and her pale face almost white against the sheets. The sheets were stained red and the blood from her wrist had dried with a single drop falling to hit the puddle on the floor. My heart dropped. I ran to her, placing a hand on her neck for a pulse. It was there. Faintly.
"You stupid, stupid girl." I growled at her, scooping her up and taking her downstairs, placing her on the couch. I tied a bandage tight around the top of her arm to cut off the circulation and held a thick towel over her wrist.
"Come on, you're okay, I've got you." Whether I was convincing myself or her unconscious mind I didn't know. As the bleeding stopped I rustled through my draws, finding to my surprise a blood replenishing potion. I tipped her head back and poured it down her throat. Her pulse began to beat stronger and the colour slowly returning to her cheeks. I held her close and a single tear fell from my eyes.
"You're alright, it's going to be okay." I stroked her hair before carrying her back upstairs, placing her in my bed and threw the sheets and mattress in her room away. I sat down at my desk, watching her as she breathed. Making sure she didn't stop. Making sure my second love didn't slip between my fingers.