The only way to cope. Snape X reader

CHAPTER 15

Chapter 15

Y/N POV

Snapes house was not quite how I'd pictured it. It was big for a start. And clean. And cosy. Not at all like his dungeon at Hogwarts. He led me to a large bedroom and told me it was where I would be staying for the next six weeks. I sighed and began to unpack my bag, wishing I had something to make me feel better. I put away the rest of my school books and sat down on the bed. I was bored already. What on earth was I going to do with my time this summer? Out of all of my classes, there was only one that had set summer work. Of course he did. Despite knowing I had six weeks I couldn't think of anything better to do, pulling out my potions book and beginning my essay. A few hours passed and the sun was beginning to set. I'd declined dinner, not overly convinced that anything Snape had prepared would be entirely edible and couldn't help but wonder if he mixed loads of potions together rather than making proper food, causing a smile to break through the surface of my stony face. I got up from my desk, my neck stiff and legs numb. As I walked through the ground floor of the house looking for him, my eyes were drawn to what looked like a piano, covered in papers and a sheet. At least I may be able to practice over summer. 
I found him sat in the lounge, engrossed in a book. A small rectangular box sat on a table, never had I seen anything like it.
"What is that?" I was fascinated, pictures moved, as If you were a passerby watching something happen.
"It's a muggle device. A television I believed. Dumbledore gifted it to me a few summers back as he didn't want me to forget what a human voice sounded like." A smirk crossed his lips but he hadn't raised his head from his book.
"I was wondering if you could take a look at this?" I handed over my essay, standing awkwardly in front of him.
"This is your potions essay?" A brow arched and I could feel myself getting flustered.
"Well, yes, is it not long enough?"
"No no. It's fine. I was surprised you had done it so soon. Sit." He gestured to the space beside him and I took it gratefully, glad to not be an ornament in the middle of the room anymore. He sat up straight and began scanning my work. My eyes were heavy, although I'd slept well at my own house, the nightmares had come back, it seemed the sleep draughts were no longer having an effect. I battled with my eyes before finally succumbing to the darkness and fell asleep as the sun set slowly behind the windows.

Snapes POV

She had instantly withdrawn again the second she came away from her home. Even taking comfort in writing a potions essay. A good one at that.
"It is, as always, sufficient. Well done." When she neither answered or took the paper from my outstretched hand I looked over to see she had fallen asleep, her head resting on the arm of the couch. A small shiver kept running through her body and I suddenly became aware that the sun had gone in and the room became cold. I switched on a lamp, lit the fire and placed a woollen blanket over her. She nestled into it and I studied her face. She really was beautiful. What was I thinking? She was a student. But her patronus, my amortentia, the way she made me feel were becoming too strong to ignore. I had fallen for her. I turned away and continued my book, her breathing a warm reminder that I wouldn't have to face the next six weeks alone for a change.

An hour had passed and I acciod a teapot to the table beside me.
"Stop. I didn't mean to please dont-" the dreams had come back and her face twisted as she dreamt.
"Severus-" her face softened at my name before twisting into a grimace, her arms flew up and she turned where she lay.
"Please don't hurt me I'm so sorry-" it pained me and I grabbed her arms, holding them close to her chest in order to stop her from hurting herself. She struggled against me and woke with a scream, her breathing heavy and eyes frantic.
"You're okay, you're okay, it's just a dream." I still had hold of her arms as she realised where  she was, her eyes brimming with tears as she began to shake. I pulled her into me, burying her head into my shoulder she cried, painful sobs.
"I've told you about taking the sleeping draughts, it won't stop if you don't take them." She looked up at me, still against my chest.
"They're not working anymore. Nothing works. And it's so real. It's like I'm there again." This confused me. Why hadn't they worked? I'd spent a long time on the recipe for this potion, creating something that hadn't been done before only for them to cease working after a couple of weeks.
As if a switch had been flicked we both became aware of the position we were in. I had had her wrapped in my arms and we were staring into each others eyes. I looked away first. Entirely aware of how inappropriate it was.
"I know you don't want to. But the only way to stop these dreams now is if I teach you Occlumency." Her eyes rolled as I said it.
"I just don't get why I need to learn that. I don't want you in my head and I can't get you out, I've tried. There's no point." I could see i wasn't going to win the battle with her tonight and proceeded to pour her tea into a mug.
"Seeing as you refuse to eat what I've made you, you can at least drink." She took the cup and a small giggle escaped her lips.
"What's funny?" The laugh really was infectious and it made me smile.
"Oh nothing. I was just thinking about your cooking whilst writing my essay." I wondered what had amused her and saw her think of it again before launching into a loud, contented laugh.
"I'm so sorry, i don't know why it's funny!" It had clearly tickled her and she laughed hard, causing me to smile myself. She'd always had that smile and her laugh really was something else.
"It's late. You should go to bed." All too quickly the light dimmed in her eyes and she walked slowly up the stairs, preparing herself for the inevitable onslaught of another night of bad dreams.

Y/N POV

I couldn't let myself go to sleep. My dream earlier on had been the most real I'd felt and it had scared me. I heard Snape go to bed and crept past his door, making my way back downstairs. I sat in the same spot I had claimed earlier and pulled the blanket over me, taking out the bookmark from the novel I was reading. I sat for hours, enjoying the glow of the lamp beside me and the peacefulness of the house. I must have managed to doze off at some point as I was awoken by the door opening. Greeting me were Snapes confused eyes as he tried to understand how early I'd woken up or if I'd even gone to bed at all.
"I couldn't sleep, I thought I'd read for a little while." The book lay closed beside me, finished, closed sometime before I fell asleep.
"You know. You can't avoid going to sleep. Nor can you avoid the art of Occlumency Y/N."
His voice sent shivers down my spine and it made me uneasy.
"Will you stop going on about it! I'm done with this conversation!" As I went to shove past him he grabbed my wrist. I winced. My arms still sore from a few days ago. As he realised he removed his hand quickly, throwing it back into the air. I flinched. Not because I thought he would hit me, but out of habit. Only one person would ever raise their hand like that to me. Concern crossed his face as he looked at me, gently lowering his arm.
"What happened?" God the questions. Always with the questions.
"It's nothing I-" I turned to leave the room and he grabbed me again, this time I whimpered. I knew he wouldn't hit me but the familiarity of someone coming at me was hard to take.
All too soon I could feel him enter my mind and play my memories in front of me. My father. He'd hit me many times, broken a rib, kicked me out. The memories didn't stop there, it turned to the first time I cut myself. The first time I'd tried to throw myself out of the top windows.
"Get out!" I screamed at him. How dare he look at something so personal. There was a sadness that lingered in his eyes as my tears fell. I just wanted to feel happy. Someone to look after me. I found my feet take a step forwards towards Snape. He pulled me into his chest and I Stood there for what seemed like forever. He stroked my hair and I listened to the beating of his heart. Finally feeling safe and that I was cared for.

Snapes POV

No wonder she felt like she couldn't escape. I would never let anyone lay a finger on her again. I stood there for a lifetime with her, breathing in her scent.
"He didn't mean it. He was a good man." She mumbled into my chest. She was truly brainwashed to what scum her father was.
"You need to stop thinking like that. What father hits you? Breaks their child's ribs? Takes you out into a battle against the ministry, allows you to watch people die. These are not traits of a good man Y/N." The way I spoke to her earnt a few more tears but she knew I was right. She looked up at me, her eyes swollen but a look in her eyes id never seen. She was so beautiful, but she looked different. She'd removed the appearance charm. I took in what stood before me, scars under her left eye, a dent near her jaw. She been through the wars alright. I traced the marks with my fingers and looked into those brilliant hazel eyes. Her face was inches away from mine. Inches that seemed to be getting shorter. Our lips met delicately. Barely touching before I cupped the side of her face and pulled her closer to me. The kiss was perfect, I'd waited so long for her. All too soon it was over and she took a step back, realisation crossing her face.
"I'm so sorry Professor I didn't mean- I just I-" she fled from the room and I heard the door slam. How did I feel? Happy yes. But worried for her. How did she feel about what had just happened? I didn't dare enter her mind for she had begun to realise when I did this.