Better than Words

Chapter 41

Savannah's POV 

It's been a couple weeks since the baby shower. I had an amazing time, but that dark cloud still hung above my head. I don't want to leave my child motherless. I don't want them to think that I didn't want to stay with them. If I can't be there for them, I never want them to feel lost or not good enough. I want to leave them with something from me. Harry was at work, so I got out of bed and got one of my old hat boxes from the closet. 

I looked through our room, thinking what I would want to hand down to our child. I went through my jewelry box to get a special charm bracelet. My grandmother handed this down to me when she passed, and I would want my child to have it. I put in other momentums, like my former high school diaries, pictures, my iPod, and home movies my family made with Harry, Ivy, Linc, Jess, Lily, Haley, and Nate on special moments.

I knew it was missing something though. Something authentic. Something just for them. I decided to write him/her a letter from me. I planned to do this with everyone just in case I didn't make it but this one has to be special because this might be the first and last thing I ever say to them. I could already feel the tears push through to my eyes as I grabbed a clean sheet of paper and began writing.

My dear child,

                             I'm so sorry I can't be here for you. But I will always be here for you in spirit. I never want you to feel lost or uncertain because I will always love you no matter what. There will be troubling times sometimes but never underestimate the love this family has for you. You have amazing aunts and uncles to depend on, I promise. If you ever need a proper mother father fix you'll have Haley and Nate for that, okay? If you ever need boy/ girl advice, you'll have Linc and Ivy for that, I promise. They may be chaotic sometimes but they're special. If you ever need someone to vent to or need time, you'll have Lily and Jess. I've left a box of momentums just for you. On my iPod, there's a playlist I made just for you. For the tough times, for the happy times. It's called "99 Songs to Set Your Life To." My love, you have an amazing father. I know your father won't always see open on what he's feeling but always be there for him, please. Be patient with him and never underestimate his love for the both of us. No matter what happens, I will always love you and your father and I'm so sorry that I had to put you in the position, that you can't even hear this from me. I'm sorry that I can't be here for you. I will love all of you forever.

 - Your momma 

I sealed the paper in an envelope with a special seal. I kissed it and placed it in the box. I close the box and put it back in the closet. I can't tell Harry about this because he'll be upset that I'm thinking this way and I know he needs to believe that I'll be there for him and our child, but I can't genuinely guarantee that. I get pulled out of my thoughts as I hear Harry come home. 

"Hey Sav," he says as he greets me, "What're you doing out of bed?"

"Oh, I just got a bit bored. I was just working on the last couple chapters of my book," I lie. I hate lying to him but I have to.

"You know that you don't have to work on this, ya know?" He says as he pulls me close.

"Yeah I know it keeps me busy," I chuckle.

"I love you Savannah," he says.

"I love you too Harry," I say as we snuggle in bed together.

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Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter ❤️❤️ I chose that song because I thought it fit the chapter. I might go back and add more music in the chapters that match certain scenes. Till next time xx