Us { A BTS FF AU } ✔️

late night reading and writing

I glanced at my soulmates, some still so focused not the screen while majority had fallen asleep. After dinner, we've cleaned the table and decided to have a movie night tonight. Guilt was eating me inside out by trying to protect them from my ugly past, but it's because we were still so new into this. I was new to the bond, and they've known each other for so long. I didn't want to break that or burden them. 

I knew it was bad. Since we are soulmates, this meant that we can talk to each other about anything and everything in the whole world. But, because of the horrors and trauma of my past, it was hard for me to open up. It took Soobin-oppa nearly 2 years to know about my past, as he saw me having a panic attack during one of my training days, a week before it was my parents' and oppa's death anniversary. It was bad. 

I sighed gently, moving in my position, trying to get a comfortable. In the corner of my eyes, I saw Jinnie-oppa move his arm, remote in his hand and turning off the TV. The living room was engulfed in darkness. Next to me, Koo turned in his sleep, his arms coming around me and securing themselves around my waist, pulling me softly to his chest, spooning me. 

Yawning, I closed my eyes, trying to go to sleep. However, my brain was still on full 100%, so I found myself untangling myself from Koo, stepping lightly on the floor and going upstairs to my room, opening the door and leaving it open behind me. 

Turning on my LED lights, I made way to my dresser desk, opening one drawer and taking out my trusty ol' diary; an A4 vintage-looking journal, one that I remember Eomma and Appa giving me for my 6th birthday. After all these years, I have kept a diary, especially after the event of Imo.  Sitting down on my chair, I opened the journal, my right hand getting a pen from my pen holder, fidgeting with it. 

It's been a while since I've written in my diary. 

I looked at my first diary entry, a sad smile on my face as I see a small polaroid picture of Eomma, Appa, Oppa and I on my 6th birthday. Despite the fact that I was only 6 years old, I remember the day; I had woken up the day after Christmas, bouncing out of my bed and running down the hallway to Oppa's room, jumping on his bed and waking him up as well. He had only grumbled at me, but gave me a huge smile and a bear hug. I had giggled and I ran out of his room and into Eomma and Appa's room. They were already awake, a small banner over their bed, saying ' HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MALLOW!' They were dressed and holding a huge cake in between them. Oppa had came in not long after I had given hugs to Eomma and Appa, with a smiling Imo after him. 

My heart clenched. It was Imo Mia who had taken this picture of us. A year before she killed my family. I remembered that she was still so happy with us, but when the New Year came, she grew bitter and visited less. 

My eyes roamed to the words under the picture. I chuckled, seeing the calligraphy-like handwriting Eomma had, handwriting that I somehow inherited from her. ' Mallow's Diary' it said. 

Turning over the pages, I saw the page that I desperately wanted to read. 2 weeks after Imo Mia landed in jail, was the heading. 

Even when I was little, my handwriting was tidy and neat, and my vocabulary was exquisite. I started reading the words that I poured into the pages. 

Dear Purple 

I don't know where to start, Purple. I've been having nightmares of Imo Mia and the actions she did on my 7th birthday. I haven't told you what she's done yet, because I haven't had the time. I'm sorry for forgetting you, Purple. It won't happen again. 

You see, Purple, I've lost the people I love. Eomma, Appa and Oppa. They are gone, Purple. On the afternoon of my 7th birthday, my Imo came to our house. Eomma and Appa had told Oppa and I to hide, so we did. Under Oppa's bed. We heard them fighting and coming up the stairs. I thought there was nothing wrong and that this was part of a small surprise for my birthday. They always do these type of things when it's my birthday, or Oppa's. But it wasn't.