Trustworthy help

135. Can't say.

I pace around the room.
Every step weighs more as my mind runs wild.

Work.
I can't work if I'm pregnant.
I can't leave home if I have a kid.

Work.

I enter the main building of the base and head to the desk.
'How can I help you ma'am?' The woman behind the desk says.

'I need an appointment with the general.'
She nods and starts to type, the clicking of the keys adding to my nerves.
'At 10:35 Am, or 04:12 pm.'
'Pm.'

She sends the message.

I step onto the training field and I get greeted as always.
Way to exited.

'Lieutenant!' The guys notice me 'ma'am welcome!'
Though I feel like crying, a genuine smile crosses my face.
'Anyone know where Marksen is, I need a word before I talk to you guys.'
They shake their heads, making me sigh and shake off the troubling thoughts. 'Alright. Let's get training.'

During training I'm absent, and I don't notice it when Eversman walks up.
'Ma'am, tomorrow is my last day in this group.' He reminds.

A pang of guilt hits me.

'Oh, yes, I'm sorry Eversman. Slipped my mind. I'll prepare for tomorrow, don't worry.'
He nods and slightly turns away, but steps back in place in front of me, brows knitted together.
'Is something going to happen, ma'am. You look concerned.' He says.

'It's okay, I'll come back to it to all of you later.'
He nods and walks off.

At lunch I stare into the distance, bothered by my thoughts.
I get up, leaving the table without a word and pushing through the double doors. I walk through the long hallway and up the stairs up. When I look up, I notice the one man I needed to talk to.

'Evan...'
the word leaves my lips in a whisper, but he turns around, eyebrows raised as he holds papers in his hands. 'Hey! Haven't seen you yet today.' He says cheerfully. I clench my jaw as I hold back the tears, and I walk over quickly, hugging him tightly.

'Evan-'

My voice cracks and he catches on.

'What happened?'
Concern coats the words.
'I'm pregnant.' I say quietly.

Evan freezes as his arms are wrapped around me.
I don't know what to do, and I don't know if he has advise.
The first tear slips away, and I hold him even tighter, wanting to hide from the world in his embrace.
I'm scared, terrified about what future holds.

'That's......'

He clears his throat. We've both talked about this. What would happen if one of us got a kid, and we both couldn't think of anything good. We had thought about it for hours as I tried to distract him from his mother's passing. He had laughed through his grief and tiredness about my choice of topic first, but understood the need of thinking it over.

"Nothing good will come from it."

Had been his words, and I had agreed.
Yet now we're here.

'Please help me Evan.'

He rubs my back for a while before letting me go, leading me into his office.
We sit down.

'I don't want this. I don't know how to do this, and- and.' I wipe my tears and take a deep breath. 'I can't do this.'
Evan looks at me with sorrow and sadness.
He knows this, I wouldn't have to tell him.

I remember how we joked about moving in together and maybe adopting a kid someday. "It will work out," he had said "if we both think alike." A joke then, not funny now.

I remember David, and how I accidentally got pregnant. We were happy about it, until one night sharp pain shot through me and I started to bleed. In the hospital they had given us their condolences for our loss.

I know corpse is okay with this.
So I can't say no, can I?