𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐒 | 𝐤.𝐛 ✓

um ... hello

um ... hello again

...

uh ... crap idk what to say -

...

okay! lemme start of w giving you all an explanation + insight into where i've been, where i am, why i left... y'know

...

( where i've been ! )

– okay! as most of you may know, i left this platform about... a year ago? due to some issues! however, i did make a note about it in this book to inform all of you!

– now, there's a few reasons as to why i left.

1. this app. this app is toxic asf and i just couldn't deal w it anymore. i was so on edge and had just given up. yes, i took small breaks. but obviously they weren't enough and it carried on affecting my mental health in a negative way. i already suffer w depression and many other issues, so this did not help me in the slightest.

2. lack of motivation. yes, i understand that all authors on platforms ( or in general ) suffer from lack or motivation, inspiration, and that horrible feeling of writer's block. well, i had been suffering with a lack of inspiration and writer's block for agessss but continued to write as i didn't wish to let anyone down. it was slowly draining me and i couldn't deal with it. so that was another reason.

3. the pressure of updates. all of you are absolutely amazing, and plz don't think otherwise! but omfg do you understand how stressful it is for authors when they see comments telling them to "update" or "hurry up" like? you don't know what they're going through so just let them update at their own pace! they have a life you know! i have a life, i have feelings! i'm a human who needs food, sleep and water. i'm not someone who can just whip up chapters as if they're nothing. people need to realise that chapters do actually take a long time. you gotta plan out the storyline and how it's gonna end, also, gotta take into consideration what the audience wants. how will you meet their standards?

lastly

4. my mental state. ( this is a touchy subject for me but i think you all have a right to know ! )

okay, so as some of you may have gathered ( i have also mentioned it ) i suffer from depression and anxiety. a bunch of other things too, but they're the two that stand out the most.

when i was writing... i wasn't in the best mental state. i remember i would get home from school, have a mental breakdown then try to whip up a chapter bc i felt like i had taken too long to update. it pressured me sooo much and i was really starting to get worked up over it.

it didn't help that i was in a bad mental state and that my family were also struggling. i was lost and had no idea what to do, who to turn to, what to say.

thats why i left.

i decided that enough was enough.

i had to focus more on myself, my education, exams, family and take care of everything. writing, despite how much i absolutely adored it and still do, was just getting in the way. i decided that maybe, just maybe, after i had taken care of everything, i could come back.

i'm sorry that it took so long.

...

( where i am ! )

– in my house. jk jk sorry lmao -

even tho it is true.

okay okay, a lot had changed within this year. i'm now almost at my last year of school and rlly need to knuckle down in order to produce the best results i possibly can. i haven't been doing to well in class lately, but i've been working on it so i hope it pays off!

i actually entered a few poetry competitions outside of school. guess my writing career hasn't completely gone down hill anyway.

i see a therapist and doctor now! so ig that's good. they help me out a lot and it's another way i can express all my bottled up emotions that i don't need. although i do still get rlly low days, but then again, doesn't everyone?

i haven't rlly been online much bc of school. but when i get some free time, i check back in here and then you know :)

...

i've realised over this past year ig that... i really do miss writing. i miss writing for all of you as well as myself, i really do. i've actually put a lot of thought into this.

so

i think i'm gonna come back :) i don't know how many people will see this, but i'm happy if it's even a few <3

i am not going to continue this book. that's a definite choice. or any of my other books bc ew. however, i am leaving them up for ppl to read.

i'm gonna start new. a new me. new books. a new writing style. i hope i can do it!

everything is in the past now, it's my time to change the future.

i hope all of you can forgive me but i hope you understand my reasoning behind this.

thank you all for the endless support you have all given me. i cannot thank you enough and i love each and every one of you.

i promise to see you very soon with brand new books and a brand new me.

see you!

– charlie <3