it starts and ends with the jordan's

Chapter 20

[Hero's POV]

I carried Jo up to our hotel rooms and let her sleep in my room. I sat on the couch and watched her drift off to sleep. Her lips loosely parted, cheeks rosey and plumped lips. 

How did I get so lucky? 

I am going to do every possible thing in my power to make my girl happy. How do I make her happy?

I wait for her to wake up from her nap just looking her up and down romanticizing about Jo. This girl has stole my heart and kept it safe. Little does she know how awful my past has been. I need to know what has filled her life for the past 20 years before I entered it. 

Jo starts to stir and she takes in her surroundings of my room. She slowly sits up rubbing her sleepy eyes as she looks at me. 

"Good morning love."

"Good morning." She gives me a little smile and yawns.

I move to the bed and grab her hands in mine. I caress her knuckles with my thumbs and I just stare at our interlocked fingers. 

"Hero are you okay?" I didn't realize how long I had been silent for. 

I look up at her and analyze her face before speaking. She looks worried but well rested. Calm but chaotic. I can't read her for the first time in my life. Maybe therapy is helping? Or is it making everything worse?

"I need to ask you something, but if your not ready I get it..."

"Just shoot Hero." She giggles at my rambling and shaky hands.

"I want you to tell me about your past, everything. I'll tell you about mine too. It's pretty fucked up though so I guess I'll only tell you if you want to know."

She inhales deeply and composes herself. I expect a blow up but I get the answer I was least expecting. "Sure." 

"Wait sure?"

"Yes Hero you deserve to know. Where should I start?"

"Anywhere you want love."

"Okay well, I grew up in Perth with Kat and my parents. I have always wanted to be an actress like Kat. I was born on August 18th 1997. Living in Perth was always really hard on me, everyone walked around in tiny bikinis and I hated my body up until I met you. I was bullied a lot for my mental health which made everything a lot worse. I was first brought to a therapist when I was 12 and they diagnosed me with clinical depression and anxiety disorders. Then a false bi-polar disorder when I was 14. 15 I was in grade 10 and I was dating this guy. Once he was over me he told everyone that I was bigger than you'd think when I took my clothes off. The whole school was just a toxic place for me and it drove me into a two year long eating disorder. I would eat one meal a day. It wasn't even because I was hungry, I only ate dinner because my family has always ate dinner together and if they noticed me not eating it would have led to more therapists and more rumours and more pain which I just couldn't take anymore. I tried to end everything twice. Once when I was 15 and again at 17 but I haven't tried to since Hero I swear. Once I met you everything changed in my life for the better, up until the club at least."

I can't help but feel sick at the idea of losing Jo I could never survive the pain of a break up with her never mind have to attend her wake. I am not able to survive with this women. She pushes the blood through my heart just with every smile she shows. 

"Jo listen to me carefully. No matter how bad things get you will not give up on yourself. I couldn't live without you. I need you with me to survive. You are my everything Jo and I need you here with me at all costs. Whatever you need to do to keep fighting do it! Yell at me, ignore me, punch me in the face for all I care just swear you won't try again, please!"

Jo rests her forehead against mine a whispers "I promise Hero, I'm not going anywhere."

"I wouldn't say anything to soon. You don't know my past Jo." I close my eyes and listen to the sound of my heart thump over and over.

"Hero you can tell me anything I don't care about a stupid mistake from where you came from you've clearly grown for the better." Jo is trying to reassure me but in a few moments I wouldn't be surprised if she had ran out of this room and never returned.

 "Jo you don't know what your talking about. Seriously I am warning you I was super fucked up and I wouldn't be surprised if you wanna leave me after I tell you..."

I can see the anxiety set on her face as the gears in her brain turn. Overthinking everything she ever knew about me which honestly she should. Nothing she's imagining right now could be as bad as what I did. 

"Just tell me Hero, you're freaking me out."

I sigh a deep, needed breath and start. "In London...I-uh I got a girl pregnant. I was supposed to be a father."