Bungo Stray Dogs // Incorrect Quotes

23

Atsushi: Well, Akutagawa and I finally did it!
The rest of the squad: *gasps, shocked expressions, etc.*
Atsushi: That's right... We kissed!

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Chuuya: I never said I was gonna get back together with him. But I was thinking, he's in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave him a call?
Kouyou: No. No, Chuuya, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a supervolcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Chuuya calls Dazai. Number five: Q gets eaten by a shark.
Q: I'm Q, and I approve the order of that list.

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*In the chip aisle at Walmart, doing a late-night grocery run.*
Kunikida: *Minding their own business, looking for tortilla chips.*
Kunikida: *Finds tortilla chips.*
Akutagawa, to Atsushi: See, they know what they're here for. They know what they're doing. Be more like them. Make a decision, Jinko!

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Dazai: Chuuya is playing hard to get.
Dazai: Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

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Kouyou: Dazai doesn't deserve you.
Kouyou: If they don't treat you right by now, you're gone.
Chuuya: I'm gone.
Kouyou: Now go chop his dick off.

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Atsushi: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it.
Akutagawa: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.
Atsushi: Th-that's not how that works-

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Yosano: Dom or sub?
Atsushi: I guess Domino's, since I don't go to Subway that much. Don't see why you'd put them in the same category though.

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Ranpo: I know one person who finds me funny!
Kunikida: Okay, who?... and you can't say yourself!
Ranpo: Okay then I'm out.

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Atsushi: How long do you think it'll take?
Kunikida: I don't know, three or four.
Atsushi: Three or four what? Days? Weeks? Months?
Dazai: Yeah, maybe five.
Atsushi: Five what?!

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Akutagawa: Start talking!
Higuchi: Well, I-
Akutagawa: Shut up!

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Atsushi, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.

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Ranpo: That's the key slice of truth we need to complete the entire truth pie.
Kyouka: Can we get some actual pie?
Ranpo: I like the way you think.

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Ranpo: If you water water, it grows.
Atsushi: ...What.
Dazai: They've got a point.

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Dazai: And then they ran into my knife. They ran into my knife ten times.
Chuuya: You mean you stabbed them?
Dazai: They ran into my knife.

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Dazai: The next time I open up to someone, it'll be my autopsy.

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Kyouka: Chuuya and I were crossing the street, and this man drove by and honked at us.
Kouyou: What did you do?
Kyouka: He chased him to the next red light, and reached into his window, and-
Chuuya: *walking in* Who wants a steering wheel?

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Ranpo: What's it like being tall?
Kenji: Is it nice?
Atsushi: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?
Poe: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb four chairs, two boxes, a small coffee table, and six oddly placed stools to get what they want.