100 Days Before I Die

D- 1

June 4 D-1 Escaped from hell (I mean, the hospital), found a place to stay, and watched the sunset from there.

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My life feels like hell.... still breathing, but slowly dying. I can’t stay here any longer.

Day 1. I need to escape this prison. Pagod na ako, pero kakayanin ko ito. I don’t need endless treatments. I feel helpless, hopeless. My chronic myelogenous leukemia is too severe to be cured.

I grabbed my suitcase and started packing my clothes and personal things. Gusto ko nang maging malaya. Tears welled up as I stared at my clothes.

I stripped off the hospital gown. I actually have plenty of clothes here, some even brought by Mom and Dad. But anger burned inside me. I begged them to set me free from this hospital inferno, yet they turned a deaf ear. I despise them with every fiber of my being.

I slipped into a red dress that fell just above my knees, with long sleeves to cover me. At least my legs looked normal.... no bruises or red spots. Most of them are hidden on my chest, stomach, and back.

Damn, I’m short of breath again. Pero ayos lang, I told myself. I’ll escape soon.... nothing can stop me. I’ll make sure the doctors and nurses won’t recognize me. I left my long hair down. I never learned how to tie it anyway. Dressing up feels foreign to me too.... years of wearing only hospital gowns made me forget.

My skin is pale, almost ghostly white from 14 years inside this place. I was fair-skinned since childhood, but now it’s unnatural... made paler by sickness. Still, the red spots and bruises covering me can be hidden.

Kailangan ko nang umalis. I don’t want to waste any more of my time. I gave one last glance at my hellish room... the hospital bed now empty. I swear I will never go back there again. This white room was nothing but torment. All I could hear were my own cries, begging for freedom. Gusto ko lang maging malaya. This time, I want to taste freedom.

Goodbye, my hellish room. I am Pein Claire Clifford, the girl who endured this torment. But from now on, I will run away and never look back. I will live as if I’m just a normal woman. I am not dying, I am living.

Tears streamed down my face as I walked away. My head remained bowed while I dragged my suitcase behind me. In just a minute, they would discover that I had escaped. But I’ll make sure they can’t find me.

I slipped through the back of the hospital. I knew every corner of that place, so escaping wasn’t hard. I had never set foot outside its walls before.... I never dared, because I still had hope back then. For years, I only admired the world from the window of my room. My body ached, every movement heavy, but I didn’t care. All I wanted was to escape.

Step after step, I walked farther and farther away. I never looked back, because the only thing waiting there was my suffering. Of course, I was already suffering from my deadly disease, but being inside the hospital only made it worse. My excitement carried me forward.... I almost ran, ignoring the pain in my body, just to feel the thrill of finally breaking free.

I noticed people glancing at me, but I didn’t care. I didn’t know how to act around them anyway. Yes, I was afraid..... but all I wanted was solitude, a quiet place of my own.

I kept walking, unaware of how much time had passed, until exhaustion settled deep in my body. Then, in the distance, I spotted an abandoned park. Bagay ako sa lugar na iyon. To me, it looked beautiful.... broken, forgotten, yet strangely perfect.

I quickened my pace, running too fast, almost tripping as my suitcase snagged on the ground. But when I finally arrived, the cool breeze touched my skin, whispering freedom into my ears. So this is what it feels like to be free. It was bliss.