100 Days Before I Die

D-81

August 22 Dㅡ81 Sing a song for someone's special.

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Before, it was painful.... but now? It hurts even more.

Seeing Dark Harris lying unconscious in bed, struggling to breathe, makes it even harder for me to accept everything. I don’t think I can endure this pain any longer.

Since the day I met him, I never once noticed that he was silently suffering. Paano niya nagagawang hawakan ang kamay ko gayong nahihirapan rin pala siya? Paano niya nagagawang protektahan ako gayong kailangan niya rin ng taong protektahan rin siya?

Is that why his eyes were always dark and cold... because he was hiding his pain and secret? So even though I’m just a dying girl, he chose to love me, to stay with me… because we share the same fate?

“K-Kuya Harris has h-heart failure.” Xavier said absentmindedly.

Heart failure? No… that’s life-threatening! Don’t tell me he’s dying too. I can’t imagine a world without him.... he can’t leave me, not like this.

“X-Xavier, b-bakit hindi mo agad sinabi? Bakit mo nilihim sa’kin? G-Gusto kong malaman ang lahat!” I asked, my voice breaking, my vision blurring with tears.

“K-Kuya preferred not to tell you. D-Do you still remember when you were in the treehouse? Kayong dalawa lang. Kuya wanted the girl he wished to be with for his lifetime to be the first one he brought there. And it was y-you.” Xavier chuckled softly through his tears.

So that was it? That day, he already liked me? And that was also the day I realized I had fallen for him!

“K-Kung sino man sa amin o sa mga kaibigan namin ang mangahas na umakyat at pumasok roon, kakalimutan n’ya habang buhay. See? You were already so important to him, even before he really knew you.” Xavier laughed again, though his tears betrayed him.

I glanced at Dark Harris, unable to stop my tears. Was that why Georgia gave way and let me be the one beside him.....because she knew she wasn’t the girl he truly wanted?

“I-I wanted to be there for him,” Xavier continued, “so I just built a small house under his treehouse. A place where we could stay while we kept him company.” His voice broke. Then silence. He looked at me, serious, his eyes sharp.... like he hated me the most.

“Xavier… m-masama ba ako? H-Hindi ko man lang naramdaman noon na gusto ako ng Kuya mo. G-Gusto ko pa nga s’yang takasan… gusto kong lumayo sa kaniya!” I whispered, trembling. The truth stabbed me.... I hurt him. I tortured him. And now the past came flooding back, making me realize how cruel I had been. Fvck! I can’t handle this pain any longer!

“N-Noong umalis ka patungong New Zealand… hindi nakayanan ng puso ni Kuya ang sakit. He was tired of breathing.” His cold words hit me like a dagger. My hands flew to cover my mouth as guilt consumed me.

Damn it, Britney! This is all your fault!

“I-I’m sorry! I’m really sorry!” I screamed, breaking into uncontrollable sobs. No matter what I thought of, the pain wouldn’t fade. My tears just wouldn’t stop!

“N-Nagagalit ako sa’yo, Britney… pero ayaw ni Kuya na kamuhian ko ang babaeng mahal n’ya.” Xavier whispered through his tears. Then he stood, glanced at his brother one last time, and left the room without another word.

I wheeled myself closer to Dark Harris. Did he feel the same pain I did whenever I was unconscious? How did his heart manage to endure it? Damn! Now I understand. He endured because I was with him. Because he could see me. But when I left… he didn’t know if he’d ever see me again. That was the pain his heart couldn’t take.

I held his hand tightly. Almost four days had passed, and still he hadn’t woken up. I miss him so much.

“D-Dark Harris… I need your hug! I need you! We’re going to fight together, and I don’t know how to stay calm if you’re just lying there, asleep! Paano ko kakayanin kung hindi ko maririnig ang boses mo? We’ve been through so much, and we’ve overcome it all. Now, I just want to be happy with you.” My tears spilled endlessly. My mind was filled with questions, with what-ifs, with pain I couldn’t silence.

I stayed by his side, holding his hand, letting the hours pass. This time, I won’t leave him. I’ll never leave his side again.

The personal doctor said he would wake up soon. That gave me hope.

Just then, Manang Dolores and Manang Kim entered, bringing food and medicine.

“Britney iha, kumain ka muna.” Manang Dolores said gently.

“Nakakasama sa’yo kapag hindi ka uminom ng gamot. Gusto mo bang mahilo ka?” Manang Kim added.

I shook my head but eventually gave in. With their help, I forced myself to eat and take my medicine. After Mommy allowed Manang Kim to return, she stayed with me again, continuing her work.

When they finally left, the silence made me cry once more. I held Dark Harris’s hand tighter. I am not a good singer, but I wanted to sing for him.

“Baby, life was good to me
But you just made it better
I love the way you stand by me
Through any kind of weather…”

My voice cracked. I don’t usually sing, but I often listen to this song. And even though my situation contradicts the lyrics, it felt right... because with Dark Harris, my life truly became better.

“I don’t wanna run away, just wanna make your day
When you feel the world is on your shoulders…
I don’t wanna make it worse, just wanna make us work
Baby, tell me I will do whatever…”

“B-Baby… p-please… g-gumising ka na.” I sobbed, unable to continue. My voice broke so badly, I couldn’t sing the next line. But then....I felt his fingers move.

I froze, staring at his peaceful face. My hand trembled as I caressed him, from his forehead down to his lips. He's so pale.

“B-Baby. Mister ko.” I whispered, smiling through my tears. Butterflies fluttered wildly in my stomach just from saying it.

“C-Can y-you say it again?” he uttered suddenly, his husky voice breaking the silence.

My heart leapt. I wasn’t dreaming. Slowly, he opened his eyes. Tears streamed down my face as joy overwhelmed me.....I could see his dark, cold eyes again. I missed them so much! I hugged him tightly, sobbing against his chest.

“I-I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I-I can’t live without you!” I cried.

He gently stroked my back. “I missed you.” he whispered.

“Y-Your voice is beautiful… I could listen to it again and again.” He smiled softly.

Was he awake the whole time I was singing?

“Can you say it again? Please.” he asked, smiling widely.

My cheeks burned, but I had no choice.

“Baby… I love you so much. Andito na ako. Hindi na ako aalis.” I smiled through tears.

He froze, staring at me, his face suddenly serious... like there was something he wanted to say but couldn’t.

Suddenly, I feel scared.

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listen to the song my Inkspiration! Ang ganda!

Until you
By: Shayne Ward