Jane Grey

Chapter 17: Rotten World

The way I woke up the next morning felt like a fairytale. Light had woken up before me and kissed me softly. Feeling like a princess, I woke up with a blissful smile as if there was no harm in the world and everything was right. He had played with my hair and whispered sweet nothings whilst I came to, things like "I love you," and "I would die for you," cheesy things that would make an anti-romantic want to vomit.

"My love, I need to get out of this house," I confessed, still relishing in every ounce of love and appreciation that I was being shown.

"You're not happy here?"

"Don't be silly, I'm more than happy to be here. You're my boyfriend after all. But I need to go out and do things other than just sit here all day," I chuckled. He saw some logic in my reasoning and reluctantly let me go, though he didn't waste a single second to tell me how much he loved me or kiss me or even just to put his hands on me. It was sweet on some level, though I won't deny that sometime I just wanted him to let me go for a minute to breathe.

I left through the window like always, and for some reason he trusted me enough to let me go on my own. From what we had discussed, he was planning to play tennis in a few days with L (at the time he knew him to be Ryuga) and therefore we had time to kill until then. I kept an eye on the news and people were still dying, though the influx had suddenly depleted since I had arrived - potentially there was less time alone for Light to kill people however he does it - though I had no way to prove that it is Light without looking insane. L thinks I'm crazy enough with my Shinigami theory, it's highly unlikely that anyone else would even consider it a theory. Walking down the street, a car had pulled up beside me and I felt my heart drop but to my pleasant surprise it was the lovely Watari who had come to see me. He had a soft smile to greet me and the hug he gave me told me that he was beyond relieved to see me alive and seemingly unscathed.

"It's one thing to see it on camera, it's completely different to see you in real life," I laughed and hugged him tighter, that hug feeling like a grandpa holding his granddaughter rather than a caretaker and his charge. It made me miss my own father, but in the interests of safety I had to forget about him and my mom. That didn't mean I didn't grieve for them when I had to abandon them, but it was within their interests.

Watari walked with me down town, happy to see that I seemed physically healthier and mentally happier. I had told him that suppressing my flashbacks and discomfort was going to ruin me eventually, but for now I was just living out the fantasy of what I want. He smiled at me, but gave me a further warning about what I was doing. To which I stopped in front of him and looked at him dead seriously, the conversation I had with Soichiro (Mr Yagami) coming back like a bomb "Watari, all I wanted in life was to be successful and to be happy" I started, he seemed taken aback by my serious tone.

"This past year, I wanted nothing more than to be a daughter and a girlfriend again. I want to be a wife, a mother, a successful criminologist. I want to be HAPPY Watari. This is where I'm happy."

He in turn became serious, acknowledging what I wanted but also refuting it with facts "I understand that is what you want, my dear, but you will never be back to what you desire. In this life, you won't get to have a quiet life, rarely ever a happy life-"

"You don't think I know that?! I've only been with you and Ryu for a few months and already I could see the amount of shit that you both have to hold back from just for the sake of a goddamn case!"
"Watch your tone young lady-" I cut him off in a fit of anger

"No! Okay? I'm done. I never asked to be apart of this. Just let me go!" I started to run away, ignoring his pleas to come back. It was a dumb decision but I was sick of being treated like a stoic robot who would work around the clock to do what they wanted. Even so, it was a life I refused to live now. I do regret yelling at him though, he did nothing wrong in his life to be yelled at by a dumb kid, but I guess the euphoria of being given everything I wanted after having literally nothing to my name got to my head. The Queen Bee mindset returning to me once again mixing with trauma and desire for revenge. I could see why Light would be a killer now and I wanted nothing more than to put on a pair of rose-coloured glasses to hide those red-flags but until then I would gladly let him kill for me for the sake of being the Queen again... even if it is only for nine extra days until his attention would be turned to a Second Kira. An infinitely more powerful Kira, where I as Queen Jane Grey would not be the object of their affections and rather MY Light would be theirs. Would I return to L once that crown is stripped from me once more? I have no idea, at the present time the only thing I can see is a prosperous kingdom with a future beyond anything I could have ever imagined just a year before.

"Queen Jane," he whispered against my lips, and so I would reply to my Light that this world is rotten. Though unlike what he believed, it was what shaped me and humbled me. This Rotten World? I loved it.