Jane Grey

Chapter 39: Catherine Parr

It is now the 15th of November 2004. Just over 11 days after my last account. I almost didn't come back to this if Misa hadn't pushed me to document what happened for my own catharsis. So...here it is. How I lost everything in under one hour;

November 5th, I had woken up with guilt heaving on my heart from my fight with...with Them. I got up. I dressed myself. I didn't even take my meds, I just went on to find Gramps first before I'd look for L. It wasn't often that I could go to his office, it was kept crucially hidden from everyone and wasn't to be used at all aside from Watari himself. I made sure I wasn't followed when wondering the many halls, went to go and barge in before I paused; what kind of impressionable granddaughter just barges in to his office without knocking? So I did, I knocked a couple times, I waited, and then heard the click of the lock turn. I took a deep sigh and entered the room. I've only been inside a handful of times, it was homey enough to pass off as a study but the numerous monitors and buttons would clearly give away otherwise, yet the masses of bookshelves and small trinkets made it feel more comfortable and liveable. There stood amongst the monitors was Gramps, still breathing, in no pain.

"Did you need something, dear?" He asked, not glancing up from his monitor. I picked at the scabs on my arms, allowing anxiety to override all that I knew to be well.
"I just wanted to..." My voice cracked, "I just wanted to say I'm," He finally looked at me with a gracious smile. He knew what I was trying to say, but wasn't pushing me to say it and yet wanted me to, "I'm sorry Gramps..." My lower lip started to tremble but no tears came to be. He suddenly embraced me tightly, saying nothing but cradling my head and stroking my hair in silent reassurance. Sometimes I can still feel it lingering on each hair and thread...

He held me for a little while, pressing soft kisses to my forehead in comfort before holding me by my shoulders and telling me I should go find L. I shouldn't have left...I should've just stood there for a moment longer. Even when documenting this I'm tearing up again; As soon as the door was almost shut, I heard him fall to the floor in pain. I burst through the almost closed door, not caring for the consequences that I may face, and saw Gramps almost slouched to the floor clutching his chest. One hand was on a button but he couldn't quite reach it in time before collapsing. I raced to his limp body, knowing that by this point he may not even be mentally there to hear me. His head cradled in my lap, tears threatening to spill, and one hand on his neck searching and begging for a pulse. My own breathing became erratic when I couldn't find it, in his last breath he reached a hand up to my face...and then it fell. He was gone, gone and I couldn't do anything about it. Part of me believed it was old age catching up to him, but even L knew Gramps better than that. L would have known long before Watari even showed signs of poor health, even Watari would've known. So the only possible person it could've been was Kira. That damned hot headed bastard took my Gramps away from me! The best father figure I've had since I couldn't speak to my own. How could he do this?!

I slammed the button Watari couldn't get to, assuming it was important, and big blaring red lights started flashing alongside a siren. I kissed his forehead, growing cold and losing its warmth but no longer held pain and suffering in that face, and gently laid him to rest outside the hall. I wiped everything on the computer, locking the door behind me - nobody will ever get into that room and disturb anything so long as I can help it. Shedding my jacket, I laid it under his head as a pillow, wanting to keep him comfortable where I could even in death, and started to sprint towards the main control room. My legs screamed in pain, I was in no condition to even be running let alone barely walking, but I persisted. He had to know...

But he didn't. He didn't get to know that I was sorry. He didn't get to know how much his little sister loved him and how much she was willing to put on the line for him. No. Because when I walked into that room, he was already on the floor unmoving with Light stood over him and the remaining task force stood around him in shock. I felt my knees buckle under my own weight, my chest felt like it was caving in, my heart bleeding. I couldn't hear anything, but my throat told me that I screamed long and loud enough to be hoarse and sore. I was caught by someone, I don't know who, before I reached the ground. But I shoved them away and forced myself to my feet. I trudged towards my brother's lifeless body and shoved Light with all the force I had;

"Get the fuck away from him you jackass!" I screamed. I went to take a swing, a hit, a kick, whatever I could muster, "You don't get to touch him! You already had his last moments, don't touch him ever again!" I cried and cried in the arms of another whilst they held me back. It was no use, I let myself grow limp and was lowered down beside my L's corpse. The tears for Gramps merged with the grief for L, I examined his face for any signs of life. Any smile, any glimmer, even a muscle contraction in his pale face...but nothing.

"Come back...Come back home..." I sobbed.

How anyone could've gotten their names before me is unknown unless they got the shinigami eyes. But I fell too deep in a depression to even care. I even have the energy to attend the funeral, but Misa had hauled me out of bed with which I holed myself up in. I didn't pay attention to anything that was said, all of my energy went into holding back my grief, suppressing it like I did my trauma from last year. But when I was walking from the newly filled graves, getting ready to go home, I stopped to turn for one moment as if hoping to see them pop out with a big smile on their faces... Or even to see Spectre and Harrison safe and sound from wherever they've disappeared to. But no, what I did see...

No, what I heard was that rat bastard say; "What do you think of that L? It's my perfect victory."

All I saw was red. I didn't even take off my heels, but I bolted straight for him with bloodlust. Be damned if I join my sister in hell, but I will not let you get away with this Kira. I may have survived the onslaught of Kira, taking everything I loved so much, I may have survived an impending death, but I did not Live. Even then, whilst I was trying to claw out his face, the only thought I had was;

Come home Wammy, Lawliet...Please just come home.