Jane Grey

Chapter 50: Relapse

Later that night, I was restless. Light insisted on me being as close to him as possible including sharing the same bed - without L to tell him that it was out of the question, he could do most things that he ordinarily couldn't do but wanted to when we were younger. You'd probably expect someone like Soichiro to intervene but the others doted on me too much and handed my mental state to being completely incompetent on my own. So here I was wrapped up in Light's suffocating embrace, my only saving grace was being able to wiggle ever so slightly out of the way but almost immediately afterwards he would shuffle to me or bring me closer but I digress.

There was a feeling in my gut that we were being watched and no shinigami was present at the time, perhaps it was the fact that the entire vibe of the complex had changed and I know I wasn't the only one. That feeling of being watched was entirely correct because my dearest hungover sister came tumbling out of the closet - how she got in there I have no clue. All I know is that whilst Light was sleeping like the dead and I was both comforted and suffocated with him there, Harper decided that in that exact moment it would be a great time to fall against the door and fall out.
"Damn, why the fuck you got such a high up closet?" I shushed her as much as I could, but she insisted the murderer beside me wasn't awake, "Need my help Little Lord?" I nodded but as quickly as she helped my up I found myself colder than normal and shaking, goosebumps covering my skin and the only warmth was his hand that still rested on my leg.

"Ya know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you still loved that crazy kid,"
"I spend most of my teen years with him, of course I'd still be attached to him," I folded my arms, rubbing the bare skin in hope of any warmth. Harper didn't look any warmer since she always wore bodycon dresses and she threw up on her comfy hoodie in her quest to be absolutely shit-faced on the plane, and so she sat beside me on the bed pulling part of the comforter over her legs.
"You know kid, I of all people won't blame you if you still love him,"
"I know."
"Is this going to be a problem for us later down the line like it did for me?"
I paused, the deathly silence of the night overtaking any conversation as if nothing had occurred in the first place. I took in my surroundings, the discarded clothes and the comfort of my pyjamas. The loving boyfriend at my side in spite of all of his mistakes - in any circumstance where the love of my life wasn't a serial murderer I would've thought that maybe I had made it in life, and then I remember the dream that I had while in Winchester and all of my motivation snaps back to default.

"I don't know Harp...I just want things..." I felt myself hiccup and trip, my mind warping and changing to the days I choose to forget. Noticing this, my sister grabbed my hand and put the other on my cheek stroking it with her thumb, "It's okay, take your time." The tears began pooling and my vision blurry but I couldn't scream or cry without waking Kira up, so I just allowed my breath to become jagged and irregular.
"I want things to go back to normal,"
"I know kiddo. I know. I want that for you to,"
"But this is payment for being so arrogant," every single day of my life, whether I know it or not, I regret the way I acted at school. I should have treated those around me better, I should have been a better person and none of this would have happened and I would be in college with the best boyfriend who probably wouldn't be a homicidal maniac-
"Jane no person ever deserves the hardship that befalls them," Harps interrupted my thoughts, resting her head on my forehead and training my focus to hers, "I don't care if you were a major bitch in high school or the absolute angelic princess. Either way, you don't deserve what had happened to you."  She brushed away some straggler tears, kissed my forehead, and sighed.

"Now, I don't know how I got here so can I crash here tonight?" A giggle bubbled in my chest, feeling lighter and yet just as dark. Shaking my head, I stroked some stray hair from Light's face, "Second floor, two rights and a left. Easy to sneak out in the morning,"
"Thanks kiddo, I owe you one,"
"Now get lost, Lords," She was halfway out the door before she snapped back in and asked if I had spare pyjamas to borrow, "We're not even remotely the same size, but go on knock yourself out,"
"Yeah but you're bigger than me so theres more room in your shirts to go braless."

I groaned and fell back into bed, snuggling back into the now loose grip that Light had on me. Every day felt like some new problem or some fever dream. I couldn't wait for it all to be over but at the same time if that dream meant anything then I dread the outcome. The man beside me started shuffling, pulling me close.
"What are you doing still awake,"
"I just had a bad dream, thats all..." I whispered, brushing the hair that wouldn't stop falling in his face. He asked what it was about, slowly waking up, "Just...L and Gramps. Them dying in the way that they did in pain." He showed me fake sympathy, but on some level I believed his comforting words. We laid there for a while dozing in and out until finally I at least fell asleep. My meeting with Teru Mikami was to be the next morning, so needless to say I had to ensure that Light would be out of my hair even if it means getting closer and closer to him.