Jane Grey

Chapter 54: Memento Mori

The next morning, I was feeling much better compared to normal and therefore would be alright to resume my normal routine. However, a certain someone was dead set on me staying in bed as if I was in comatose,
"Come on Light! It's been over a week," More like three weeks unfortunately. My phone had 'mysteriously' gone missing and all I had to accompany me was the books that were nearby and the odd time that Light left his laptop in the room. So my information on the case so far is very limited and it isn't as if the boys could get in contact. I can say this though; About a week ago, Light came into the room looking beyond frustrated. I had asked what had happened and he wouldn't divulge any information aside from the fact that someone attempted to break into the complex - my only assumption is that someone I know tried to break in and see if I was okay, though that is only wishful thinking.

"My love, I just don't want you to go out and hurt yourself like you did before," his tone of voice was full of seemingly genuine concern and compassion, I couldn't help but feel warm and fuzzy at this.
"I promise I wont, I'll stay nearby if I have to. I just want to go outside and get some fresh air!" Aside from the obvious reason, if I go outside then it is more likely that even Spectre will find me. Though there is always the risk that Light could see, unless Spec contacts Harry or Harps before he can be caught?
"We'll go to the roof to get some fresh air,"
"But I want to go and walk around town!"
"If you don't accept my offer to walk around the roof, then you aren't going to go out at all!" I had to keep in mind that this was all for my 'protection'. After the incident of a few weeks ago I was no longer considered an independent person who so happened to be immobile sometimes - rather I was thought of as a delicate doll that needed to be kept on a shelf behind glass with a 'don't touch' sign plastered everywhere. I sighed and took his offer. If you thought I'd be allowed to even walk on my own whilst in the great Kira's presence? You'd be sorely mistaken because he picked me up like a newlywed bride and carried me off to the roof.

Nobody dared to interject in regards to my own thoughts, either they were on some level afraid of what he might do - after all Light has known me the longest and apparently that means he knows my illnesses the most, even though that is not how that works - or that the though of me in that same regard. Honestly, I didn't know which option was more depressing. Just feeling the sun on my skin properly and the fresh wind of the evening twirl in the air brought a new lease of life into my heart. Being locked away with little to nothing to occupy my mind left me feeling numb and exhausted almost all the time; in a way Light was creating what he had described with the intention of keeping me alive for as long as possible when in actuality he was crushing my mind and body one day at a time. We were sat on the edge of the roof, he had one hand tightly around my waist and the other was practically crushing my hand and yet the sweet kisses on my head told me it was all out of love. In my mind I knew this was all manipulation...and yet my gut instinct was to reel in the love and comfort that I so desperately craved - I had no desire to seek a romantic relationship not a sexual relationship, in fact I haven't in such a long time, but it was the intimacy of a hug in the most platonic way was what made me feel happy. I was chasing something I had missed but misinterpreted the intentions for what I wanted them to be.

We sat like that for a while, the fresh air cleaning out the stuffy warm air that sat in my lungs. All of a sudden, a thought came into my head. It completely relied on faith and trust and yet do I have any of that? Barely if any. If I had any belief in my family motto, then there is no way that I would suffer from the consequences of the fall. Perhaps...

I edged closer to nothingness, discreet enough that the man next to me wouldn't notice but just enough for me to comprehend my ever speeding heart rate. Just a little closer and maybe someone will catch me... Then all of a sudden there was nothing below me except for air, I was expecting a longer fall than what had actually occurred and yet my arm was jolted upwards. The fear in Light's eyes was unlike anything I had ever seen, even tears were pooling in the corners of his eyes whilst he tried so hard to pull me back up to him, "Don't you dare let go Jane," but I didn't even try to hold on, all of my weight was being held up by him and in that exact moment between life and death I felt that same fear as over a year ago. That fear of death. I was going to die based on blind faith for a creature that didn't even exist in my mind until recently, how stupid was that?

Light hauled me back up and pulled me close, mumbling asking what I was thinking and sweet nothings. His grip was looser this time, shaking with fear and I can't deny the idea that I felt the same. I was isolated from everyone - the task force barely spoke to me, my own blood family wasn't able to reach me, my colleagues couldn't reach me, those who loved and cared for me were dead. The only person that I had left in this world was my king.

So if L was to ask me again where my priorities where, would I side with the Red King? Or would I side with the Blue Justice? Nowadays I genuinely don't know, before I used to have an idea of where I would stand. Yet after feeling the chains of death that once protected me completely snap and leave me vulnerable to its embrace, I no longer feel Protected By Death.