Jane Grey

Chapter 26: Execution

These next entries will be quite reliant on my past, emphasising how it has impacted the way I work and how I will further to influence L in his treatment of Misa. I guess in that sense then there is no hiding or running from what has happened to me and it would just be ignoring what happened in favour of my new identity. In the year and a half that I have been free not once had I spoken about it with L or Watari or even my therapist; at most I would mention small details that may have relevance to the case but even then never divulged in the full story...so here it is.

January 8th 2006, the night before everything had happened and the night before my seventeenth birthday. My school day was the same as any other - I was praised and worshipped by my male classmates, envied by my female classmates, and still managed to excel in all of my classes (Though nowhere near as well as Light). Like normal, Light walked me home and I greeted my parents in the normal routine; I'd shout that I was home, I'd get a brief scolding for yelling inside the house, my father would ask about my day, we'd have dinner, they'd watch TV while I did homework, and then I'd go to bed. Same as every other day I guess. Before going to sleep, normally I would grab this little shoebox that my mom hid in the back of her closet and sort through the little photographs they kept of me as a baby. A few stragglers of me with my biological parents as if it would really matter - I would've cherished them more if I had my sister and brother (Who I still have yet to meet) in them but I digress. I had received a text from light at around 1am, stirring me from my sleep, and it had read;

'I've got a surprise for your birthday and it can't wait until morning.'

And so, with that, I snuck out of the house now dressed in something cute that I grabbed from my drawers - a red dress plus a leather jacket alongside some heels. That dress did not fit me properly but it was worth the suffocation to look cute. After meeting with Light, at around 3am I made sure to leave in order to get even a shred of sleep before school in the proper morning and as I walked the dimly lit streets there was a group of men who were seemingly drunk walking the opposite way. One of them whistled at me, to which I scoffed and thought nothing of it. He persisted anyways but didn't have the mind to even lay a hand on me.

"I don't have time to deal with you idiots anyway, I've got better things to do," I cringe even now to think that I had said such words. They were not pleased with my response. I was on my street when I noticed them trailing sluggishly behind me - in essence though this must have been an act because there is no way that they could have done what they did with a drunkard mind. I jumped the fence, climbed to my window and snuggled down into bed with my pride soaring high and my heard fluttering like a butterfly.

One of those men, the one that whistled to me, had seen my route and followed me. From what I could tell, he pried used his friends as step-stools to pry my window open and sneak inside. He drugged me and dragged me out. His friend climbed into my room and smashed my phone and anything that made them mad. The events were blurry to me, the chloroform hadn't fully kicked in but I know for sure I was dragged. Due to the lack of evidence like CCTV, I inferred that his friends had either planned the route or something because I had never seen them again after that.

This is where my experience holds importance to the confinement of Misa;

My kidnapper, I never bothered to learn his name no matter what he said, had tied me to a chair in his basement and hadn't untied me at all in the entire time. I was sat for the whole time and so naturally all feeling in my legs was very much lacking. He had me blindfolded for the first month, only taking it off to force me to look at the articles that were made of me - he would cry and slobber about how I was 'ruining his life and he can never face his wife again'. The meals I was given were scarce bringing me down to skin and bones and I was severely dehydrated but there wasn't much I could do about that

By the fourth month, I was crying every single day and begging him to kill me. He almost did. He grew angry over my sobs and one day put a gun to my temple and tightened the ropes on my ankles and wrists causing them to cut after my struggles. I was blindfolded that night and gagged, salty tears soaking both. The click of the barrel echoed in my ear, hinting that the bullet was jammed and yet the smoke was hot against me. Seeing this, my kidnapper screamed bloody-murder and cried in my lap, his disgusting face buried in my lap begging to be killed alongside me. Baring in mind I was still dressed in that small dress from before and so his tears and snot got all over me and there were rips and tears all over me from my own struggle.

The night before L found me, a similar situation had occurred once again but six months later. Only this time it was almost successful. He had gotten drunk, found a knife, and recognised my dress and made some pretty pathetic stabs at my already breaking skin. They weren't deep enough to kill me nor had they hit anywhere important but I knew that given my poor hygiene those cuts would infect and eventually destroy me. Even the cuts around my mouth from the gags and the my wrists from poor circulation could kill me at any moment.

So when it comes to now, with Misa being in confinement, I knew exactly what it felt like to be in her situation. I couldn't brush away her own treatment of me nor can I condone it, but I now how it feels to be so alone and not even know where you are - and yet you know exactly why you may deserve it.

"Kill me...Please...Just kill me," when those words left her mouth, those tears poured from her eyes...I shed a few myself  and begged at the knees of L to let her go. He didn't. But what he did do even before it got to this point was ensure that she was treated better than I ever was even though he was definitely violating a few human rights laws. I made sure she got to bathe, have her wounds treated, fed proper food and given clean water to drink, get exercise and a chance away from her bounds to keep her circulation going. L's not an idiot, I'm sure he would've done this anyway in order to maximise her usefulness, but I wanted to do this myself. I offered up to bathe her properly and treat her wounds. Even on my off days I still did it. I made sure she ate even if she attempted a hunger strike. All of these things because I had been in the same position.

I had never shared this story in the presence of the others, but know that I had cried out once more and let my weak little heart bleed for the idol who reflected my life in more ways than I cared to admit in my room. But in the presence of Light? I couldn't have cared less. Even though he was the one who thrusted me into the executioners arms, I could never let him know that that was the truth. If those men, no...that man, if he is still out there then he is the only person I would ever wish for Kira to choke out and make him suffer like I did. I had attempted to command the shinigami's to do just that but they disregarded any order I may have given. The executioner's axe...seems to be a Moreaux family tradition to get ourselves in the worst situations possible and potentially killed.