Neither you nor me

Part 80

Alaska's POV
I don't know the court's decision yet but I think its on my favour. I just hope now they aren’t gonna take Eve's body out of her coffin again for autopsy.

I tried to stay as normal as possible during my visit to Spencer mansion but nothing remained the same. I felt helpless and heartbroken. Still, I have to smile and move on. That's life!

The door of the elevator opened and I stepped out. Just as my gaze went through the hollow compound, I saw Riley at the door and I froze.

Riley's POV

She is there! Right there! I got a glance of her at last after 8 days. She looks so thin and sick. What did I made my Kiddie?

Her gaze travelled from my toe to head. I'm sure she is a bit astonished but I'm also happy about that. She walked with her shaky legs and in no moment, she came near me.

I felt an overwhelming urge to jump and hug her but I felt it's better to give her space. I already fucked up so badly. I actually visited here to inform about the court's decision. She has been proved innocent. The footage was of use!

I have expected a mere hi but she turned her back and pressed the bell. Fucking Layken opened the door and I saw my lil Fin in her hands. Gosh, my heart pounded against my ribcage.

I couldn’t control myself and snatched Fin from Layken's hand. She is small but a bit of inch longer. I kissed her innumerable times in her whole face. My vision turned blurry and it was impossible for me to not cry in front of them.

"You may come in"
I looked at the cold voice of Kiddie. She is looking at the tiles ignoring my gaze. I'm thankful that she just said that. I wouldn’t bear her being so indifferent and cold. Layken is giving me the best shot of glare. I smirked while entering and she flared in anger. Alis went into her room straight. I would like to have a few words with her but her behaviour is rational. I wish she would give me a chance to talk.

I sat at the couch carefully not to hurt Fin. She is moving her hands and her eyes as per her like. I again started kissing her. I missed her. Everytime, whenever I woke up in this 8 days, Fin was the one to fly in my mind, even before Kiddie. She is the one I thought I would sold. How pathetic I was!

I couldn’t understand how she means to me when I signed the contract. I thought I might just hand my child. But an invisible bond can't be broken. I just love her.

"Keep it calm" Lake in a cold voice just as Alis walked in the drawing room changing her dress. I hadn’t noticed her. She looks so pale and shocked. Lake walked towards other direction and I came near Kiddie.

"Alis" I tried to mend my voice but guiltiness is clear.
"Yes Mr Spencer" she said in a cold tone letting out a deep sigh.

I looked at her with explosive eyes. Our feelings, relationship and the things we had that ended for her. She travelled across Riley to Mr Spencer.
"I'm sorry" I whispered
"It's okay" she said while smiling and took Fin from my hands.

Why she is smiling and not fighting with me? I need her to curse me. I need her to vent out her frustrations and anger on me. I need her to pour all the hatred that stored in her heart. I made her so broken that she is in a loss of words and there's awkwardness prevailing between us. I don't want this discomfort. I don't need her to feel unsafe around me. I'm the one to bring her on this position where she can't be same anymore but whatever happens, we promised we will start from forever.

"I need you" I hugged her gently carefully not to pressurize Fin. Fin gently pushed my shirt's button.
Gosh! Kiddie's smell. It's so nostalgic. I missed her.

I felt the desperate Alaska shaking in my arms. She let out her all pains that she had within her. That's the Alaska I want. She will cry in front of me and ask for an explanation!

I hugged her even more with all my heartily desperateness and withholding her everything for an eternal moment. I will protect her like I did for all those years. I will save her from all the odds worth fighting and I will grant her the realization about how lovely her life will be with me!

She left me after a sudden jerk. I hugged her for a minute but I couldn’t be content.
"Leave" she ordered and I looked into her teary eyes confusedly.
Wasn’t she crying in my arms some moments ago?
"I need to explain" I said
"I don't need to hear" clearly, there is a disappointment in her words.
"Listen, it wasn’t my choice. It was compulsory"
"Selling your daughter isn’t what you wanna choose! She is your blood" she yelled loudly.

Fin started crying and Alis tried to pacify her but she got the most beautiful voice. Her cries are wonderful like her. Lake stepped and took her. Surprisingly, Fin stopped as she saw Layken. They must be really close. Layken went to other direction.

Right now, it's just me and her. Today, I'm gonna say everything to her.
"I didn’t thought to sell my daughter. Finnie is mine because she is in this world. But at that moment, she wasn’t of value to me. How would a teenage boy get fatherly sentiments? I thought giving my blood away will make things more easy"

I stopped and looked guiltily at Alis. She is casting me a nappy look. I know how much I'm gonna do for her, nothing will be same again. It's true and I agree no one can think of selling their daughter.
"You didn’t even think of saying this to me when I got pregnant"
"Hell Alis, you could see all of that. But you couldn't see why I left you? when I came to know you conceived, I thought you would abort the baby if I leave you. And it would meant that our baby wouldn’t be handed over. But you chose her"
It's true! That's the sole motive of leaving her. I thought I would be the better option rather than a fertilized egg. But it happened to be the exact opposite.

"I'm happy that I chose her. Even if it meant danger, I still wouldn’t abort her"
"We would have waited" I'm somewhere agreed that keeping Finnie is on the of the best decision she ever took in her life but it all means red signal.
"That would meant losing Stem"
I'm surprised about how much she thinks of him. Stem shouldn’t be mattered here not actually in her personal happiness but she cares!

"I would have brought him to house. Nothing could go wrong" I said boldly. It's true. I never meant to give my daughter away. I decided to keep Stem with me when the tenure will end. But nothing happened as per my plan.

"That's rubbish" she tried to turn away but I clutched her shoulders and pushed my chest into hers. Her eyes are all red and swollen. There's dark circles, pimples, black spots. She is suffering! Her look made my tears to return.

"I tried to confess, when you got pregnant. But I thought you wouldn’t want me anymore" I tried to swallow my tears which created a lump in my throat and it hurts!
"Is it making a difference now? Would have been felt better if you had felt important to discuss with me. I surely would've left you, be upset with you, fight with you but at the end of the day, I would have considered coming back to you. We would surely end this problem together but now, you fucked up everything. There's no chance for forgiveness or coming back now. It's over" she took a deep breathe after ending.

I felt my heart has been boiled and the world around me has shattered. She can't leave me. She can't say it's over. She is mine. I won't let my baby and Kiddie to go far away from me. I agree that I messed up. I brought her on the verge where I destroyed her life but I can't help listen to whatever my mind said! Marshall has died but he exactly knew what my weaknesses are! Congrats, he won!

"I won't leave you. Curse me but please give me a chance" I pleaded
"You lost that right. Everything, every person that was on my life was your pre planned. You decided to control me. I feel like I have been programmed by you. You knew me for 4 years but you never came in front of me. You decided to play everything behind the curtain" she huffed

I have no words. I can't even deny her. Her every words are true. But I was helpless. I was fucking helpless. But it's true, I tried whatever I could. The bodyguards came to guard her at my orders. I wanted everybody to be safe. But at the end of everything, I'm of no value. I'm to be the blamed.

(Hey guys, how are you? Stay updated. As I have exams coming, I won't be updating for more than a month. Hope to end it soon. #RileyAlaska)