I met with Inez the next day when we went to get lunch at a cafe in London.
After we ordered, I leaned back and sighed, running my hands over my face.
"Are you okay?" Inez asked with a cocked eyebrow. "You look exhausted."
"I am." I told her.
She leaned forward and rested her head in her hands as she looked at me.
"Did you not get any sleep last night?"
"Oh, no I did. It isn't just today. I've felt tired for a while." I said with a shrug. "I'm starting therapy again."
"You are?"
I nodded.
"I feel like I need it. I need to make sure that I don't end up like my mother."
Inez frowned.
"Dahlia—"
"I'm starting to feel that same kind of fear." I admitted. "I haven't been scared of it for years, but now... I just don't want to end up like her. I want to be a good mother."
"You are a good mother, Dahlia. The kids love you. They appreciate you."
"And I still loved my mother for so many years until I realised how terrible she was."
Inez reached out to grab my hand.
"Where is this coming from?" She asked. "You were doing great until Malcolm..."
"I don't know." I sighed, pulling my hand back as our food arrived. "Can we change the subject?"
She looked at me but nodded.
"Uh— Dove and I are taking in a newborn girl who needs fostering." She told me, and my eyes widened. "We'll meet her for the first time in a few weeks."
"Yeah?" I smiled. "That'll be five kids in your house."
Inez and Dove went through with IVF treatments and a few years ago after Dove carried a child for nine months, she gave birth to their small son Cree.
They had been active foster parents for many years now and they've had many children come and live with them but they've also had to say goodbye to a lot of children who either had to move to a new family or move home to their own.
It's been hard for them, but they continue because they want to help children with no home.
"One less than you." She smiled. "Oh wait... Fred's moving out soon, right?"
I sighed and leaned back.
"Don't remind me." I shook my head. "He's almost nineteen. He'll be travelling the country with his quidditch team and get to live out his dream. I'm happy for him, I'm proud of him, but I'm gonna miss him."
Inez chuckled.
"I remember when he was nine years old and you told me how George had told you that Fred didn't want to meet you because he was scared you'd take over his mother's role." She said. "Crazy to think that that's actually what ended up happening, and that he could love you as his mother."
I smiled.
"This is the worst part of parenting, you know." I said. "Them growing up. Now, it's Freddie, next it's Elsie. She turns eighteen next year."
Inez hummed as she ate some of her salad before she spoke.
"I'm glad Rosie is only fifteen. It won't be long until she leaves home but at least it isn't right now."
I pushed my fork into the chicken salad I ordered, but as I stared at the piece of chicken on my fork, I felt sick.
I put my fork down and instead brought a hand up to my mouth, swallowing harshly.
"Are you okay?" Inez asked, and I nodded.
"Yeah... I just—" I shrugged. "...I looked at the chicken and I felt nauseous."
Inez slowly put down her own fork before she leaned closer.
"Wait, Dahlia are you pregnant?"
I looked at her with a frown.
"Where the fuck did you get that from?"
She leaned back.
"Well, you being overly tired, emotional and now nausea just cos of the smell of food. You've had chicken loads of times before."
I stared at her.
"Alright, I've been pregnant like... five times before, three of which I carried to term. I think I'd know if I were pregnant." I said. "Plus, I'm almost thirty-six. Chances of me getting pregnant, isn't that high and considering that the last time, it took George and I a year, I don't think my reproductive system is that good anymore."
I tried again, moving the fork up to my mouth but I just couldn't move it into my mouth.
The smell of it made me so nauseous.
"Oh god..." I gagged and put my fork down again. "...I can't eat that."
Inez looked at me as she ate her own salad, and I sighed.
"You really think I could be?"
She nodded.
"I think you should take a test to be sure."
I looked out of the window, then shook my head.
"George and I just had sex last night for the first time in two months." I said. "If I was pregnant, I would have noticed at the start of June or... mid of June at the latest."
When we finished up at the cafe, we left, walking down the street until I broke the silence.
"I'm gonna buy a test." I said. "Just to be on the safe side. I'll take it at home, then take it from there. If it's negative, great... if it's positive... I don't know."
We ended up saying goodbye after I bought the pregnancy test. I promised her to call her later, then I went home with the test in the pocket of my jacket.
I pushed off my shoes and put them by the door before walking into the house.
The door to the garden was open and I looked outside.
The older kids were by or in the pool while George was sitting in the grass with the twins, helping them fill a canvas with their hands prints.
Amelia's hands were covered in pink paint and Liam's were covered in purple. They were laughing and having fun.
Charley was out there too, laying in the gross near them.
I walked over to the stairs and made my way upstairs.
I locked myself into the bathroom in me and George's bathroom and pulled out the tests.
It was a package with two in it.
After I peed on them, I stayed in the bathroom, nervously chewing on the nail on my thumb.
I leaned back against the wall, staring at the tests that laid on a piece of toilet paper on the sink.
If I was pregnant...
This just couldn't happen. The twins were our last. Fred almost nineteen. There would be two decades between him and this baby if there was a baby.
Plus, George was forty-three and I was almost thirty-six.
We were older than the last time.
After five minutes, I stepped forward to look at the tests, letting out a breath when I saw the results.
Oh...
