I couldn't breathe.
As I stepped outside on the terrace, I placed a hand against my stomach, breathing heavily.
I couldn't get enough air in. It felt like my throat was closing in.
My heart was pounding against my rib cage and I had to sit down on the chair.
I needed to focus on my breathing. I was sweating even though it was cold outside and I couldn't stop shaking.
I closed my eyes.
Deep breaths.
I hated this feeling. I had only experienced this once or twice before and it was horrible.
"Dia, please."
I shook my head, trying to shut him up. He stood in the doorway to the entrance hall, watching me.
I pulled myself up to stand and my breathing got worse. I tried to walk back inside, to walk past George, but he wrapped an arm around me and managed to spin me around, holding my back close against his chest.
"Breathe." He whispered. "Count to ten with me, alright? Can you do that?"
I nodded quickly, holding onto his arm that was wrapped around my shoulders.
"One." He whispered, waiting for me to repeat it.
I gulped, trying to control my breathing so that I could repeat it.
"...o-one."
"Two."
I kept counting with him, repeating the numbers he said and by the time we reached ten, my breathing had slowed down.
It was still quite fast and heavy but I was no longer hyperventilating.
"I'm proud of you." he whispered. "Good job, darling."
I grabbed his arm and moved it away from me so I could step away from his body.
I ran my hands over my face as I moved to sit down on the sofa. I looked out into the garden.
It was completely dark outside and the wind was making the swings on the swing set move back and forth, creaking slightly.
"I'm sorry, Dahlia."
"You know what we didn't do?" I asked. "We didn't start couples counselling again like we talked about. I want that. Tomorrow, you are booking an appointment."
"Okay."
"And I want you to stop seeing her." I said immediately, refusing to look at him.
"Dia..."
"Something is going on with her." I said. "Otherwise you wouldn't have lied."
George sighed and I could hear his footsteps as he walked over to sit opposite of me.
"I didn't cheat on you."
"Yeah?" I asked, looking at him. "I'm not sure I believe you."
"Fuck!" He exclaimed, running his hands into his hair out of frustration. "Okay, she kissed me, alright? She kissed me, but I didn't kiss back!"
"Oh my god." I cried, clamping a hand over my mouth.
"I didn't kiss her back, Dia. I'd never do that to you."
"But you didn't tell me either." I cried. "She kissed you and you didn't tell me."
"Dia—"
"I can't believe you." I covered my face with my hands.
"How is this any different from when Malcolm kissed you? I didn't get mad at you."
"Because I told you the second I got the chance to!" I yelled at him. "I was never going to try and keep that hidden from you! But you... she kissed you and you just went home and acted like nothing. You kissed me, got into bed with me and slept next to me every single night but not once did you think to tell me!"
I stared at him and he stared back at me. I loved him so much and looking at him right now broke my heart.
I loved him but I didn't want to look at him.
I didn't want him here.
"I want you to leave."
George frowned as he sat up straight, rubbing his hands along his thighs.
"What?"
"Go stay with someone else. I don't want you here right now."
"I'm not leaving." He said. "We're figuring this out like we always do. I'm not running away from our problems."
I was so tired of fighting. Why couldn't he just agree to this? I needed him to agree.
"Just go. I don't want you here."
George stood up, making his way over to me but I held up a hand to get him to stop.
"Go stay with fucking Angelina or something..."
"Nothing is going on between me and her! I shut her down the second she kissed me!"
"Yet you went back and continued to help her out."
"Because I need her to leave us alone!" He yelled. "I don't want her to show back up in Fred and Roxanne's lives and upset them! I am doing this to keep her away from them!"
"There're other things that can be done." I said, staring into the garden again. "Like, filing a report on harassment."
"Okay." George crouched down and placed a hand on my bare thigh. "We'll do that. I'll stop helping her out. I promise."
I looked away.
"But don't make me leave." He said. "Please."
"Just for the night." I breathed. "We can talk about this tomorrow."
"Dia... beautiful." He ran his hand up and down my thigh. "I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't mean to be this big of an idiot. I love you so much... I didn't mean for this to happen. I—"
"You can't be this dumb, George." I sobbed slightly. "Why would a professional Quidditch player need your help with Quidditch?"
He rested his head against my thigh and it took everything in me to not brush my fingers through his hair.
"I know." He whispered. "I should've suspected it but I didn't, and I'm sorry, but I heard what she said about Freddie and Roxi. I heard her threaten to come back and find them and I don't want them to go through the pain again. I was just trying to protect them."
I moved away from him and he looked at me in defeat, running his hand through his hair before tugging on it.
"But if you want me to go... I'll go."
I sobbed, nodding.
"I do." I cried. "Leave."
He looked at me for another moment before standing up.
"What are you going to tell the twins?"
I shrugged.
"I'll come up with something."
"Okay..." he muttered. "...I'll— I'll stay with Fred and Eloise."
I didn't answer. I continued to stare into the garden.
George didn't say anything either. He looked at me for a while before turning around and walking inside.
He took a while to pack some things and when I heard the front door slam, I broke into tears, the sobs and cries filling the air.
I slid into the seat, clamping a hand over my mouth to silence the cries.
Everything hurt.
