I didn't feel anything.
The next morning, when I woke up, I didn't have one feeling in my body. I woke up next to George who was already awake, looking at me as he brushed his hand through my hair.
I looked at him, seeing him smile at me and then I turned away, my back now turned towards him.
"Dia?" He asked, running his hand down my arm. "How did you sleep?"
I sighed.
"I don't know."
"You don't know?" He asked, moving closer to me. I could feel him looking at me.
He planted a kiss on my shoulder.
"Don't!" I hissed, moving away from him.
"Dia—"
"You were so angry with me when I decided the abortion and now that I'm deciding to keep it, you're suddenly all loving again."
He sat up.
"That's not— I got my shit together before you decided to keep it... her. Before you decided to keep her."
I got out of bed and made my way towards the bathroom before I stopped up and turned around.
"What if I can't learn to love her?" I asked.
George sighed.
"You can still have that abortion."
"Have a baby sucked out of me through a tube? A baby who's now got eyes? Every single body part as well? At thirteen weeks, the baby's vocal cords are being developed. For me, it would feel like I was killing an actual baby. It would be much different if she was five weeks or even eight."
I turned around again and continued into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.
I placed myself in front of the mirror and pulled my shirt up to study my bump.
I sighed.
"How did I not notice you?" I mumbled, running my hand over my stomach.
"Mum!" I heard Leah shout and after doing my business in the bathroom, I walked out to see Leah stand in the room, her arms crossed over her arms.
George had gotten dressed and was making the bed without the use of magic.
"I had a dream." Leah said. "You were pregnant in it."
George looked at her while I sighed.
"Leah... can you please..." I sighed.
"I can't control it." She told me. "I'd rather my dreams didn't come true. So you're pregnant?"
I nodded.
"Yes."
"What? Mum!" She objected. "Well, I'm not sharing my room. I don't care what you say. My room is mine and mine only!"
"Leah, you'll be sharing when you go to Hogwarts." George said. "Go downstairs. I'll be down to make breakfast in a bit. Don't tell your siblings about this, alright?"
"Fine." Leah scoffed and turned to walk out of the room.
George looked at me, then walked over and placed his hands against my arm, wanting me to look at him, but I looked away.
"Do you want to come down for breakfast?"
I shook my head.
"Okay..." he sighed. "...I'll come up with some for you."
I didn't answer.
"I love you." He said, but I still didn't answer.
He let go of me and walked out of the room before I crawled back into bed, pulling the duvet up to my chin.
I closed my eyes.
I just needed a little more time in bed before I could get my act together and go be a parent.
I ended up falling asleep and didn't wake up again until George put a tray with food next to me in the bed, then sat on the edge of the bed and looked at me.
"You're not getting up?"
"I will." I told him. "In a minute."
I could feel his hand as he brushed my hair behind my ear, then leaned down to kiss my temple.
"Staying in bed all day will only ruin your mood more."
I turned to look at him.
"Will you please just shut up?" I asked. "Don't act like you care about how I'm feeling."
I couldn't read his face.
He just stared at me, then nodded as he stood up.
"At least eat."
Then he left the room, and I stared at the food before turning my back to it.
I fell asleep again, only waking up later in the day when I heard the door open and slam against the door.
"Shit!" I heard Fred curse.
Not my son. My brother-in-law.
He looked at me as he closed the door behind him.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to be so violent about it. Were you sleeping?"
I hummed.
"George told me what happened."
"Oh, so now he's telling people I'm pregnant without asking me first?"
Fred walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
I shook my head.
"I feel like I'm being forced into having this baby." I said. "Which isn't true at all."
"But that's how you're feeling." He nodded. "Which is understandable. My brother is an idiot, you know... for even trying to pressure you into doing something you're not comfortable with."
I sighed.
"What if this is just me doing what he wants?" I asked. "I mean, I saw how much he wants this baby. I don't know if the guilt is because of the baby or because of George."
"Well, do you feel worse with the idea of aborting the baby or upsetting George?"
I sighed again.
"Probably aborting the baby."
"There you have your answer then." He offered a soft smile. "Listen... George also told me you're considering therapy again. I think that would be a good idea. Maybe it can help you through pregnancy."
I teared up, bringing a hand up to cover my face.
"I should get to enjoy being pregnant." I cried. "But I don't even love my own baby."
Fred removed my hand form my face and wiped my cheeks away, the same smile of comfort staying on his face.
"You'll love her. Don't worry." He told me. "You just need a little time. You had your mind set on the abortion but I promise you, that with time, you will form a bond with her."
I took a deep breath to contain all the emotions I was feeling.
"And George?" I asked.
"What about him?"
"He turned into this version of him that I didn't recognise."
"I know..."
"The only guy who's ever tried to make decision on my behalf and tried to control what I did with my body, was Malcolm." I said. "And we all know how that turned out. He turned violent."
