Behind Classroom Doors II

CXLVII- My Subconscious

After our whole debacle last night, I feel confident that Layla staying is what's best for Ty's bar. That being said, I want her to find herself and perhaps it'll come to that at a later time. For now, I'm quitting the diner and getting prepared for my internship. Tonight I'll tell Ty all about it when he comes over. "I can't believe you get to start an internship at Brier Co. I'm sleeping with the literal CEO and I can't even get that." Katie says as she eats her grilled cheese sandwich.

    I laugh, "In my defense.." I trail off because we both know who Shawn was to me.

    Katie swallows her food. "Oh shit that's right!" She pauses, "So much has happened it's kind of hard to keep track of everything."

    I steal the other half of her grilled cheese. "Tell me about it."

    "Alright hey!" Katie takes her food back, "My lunch break is over in ten minutes."

    "Why do you still work here again?" I ask.

    Katie dips her grilled cheese in her tomato soup. "Because the forensic building isn't opening their internships to sophomores. I'll have to wait until next summer to apply. Until then I like it here, I'm used to the server life." She's been working here since she was sixteen, and I worked here for a month. Katie finishes up and sets her plate aside. "Do you want to hang out next weekend? We can go to Ty's bar."

    I shake my head, "I can't we'll be in Colorado for Jenny's wedding."

    "Oh yeah!" Katie sighs. "I wish I could go but I couldn't get off work. I'll have to send them a gift card or something."

    "They don't blame you. They waited until the last minute to send the invites out so they understand that some people can't go." Katie told me that she got the invite the same day as I got mine.

    Katie checks the time and groans. "I don't want to go back."

I remember the feeling. "When do you get off?"

"I close, so basically never." She laughs even though it's the worst feeling to have to close this store. "Ciao." Katie grabs her dishes and walks to the back of the restaurant. That's my cue to leave so I head back to my apartment.

Ty meets me there, already inside by the time I get there. "I bet it felt good to quit that place." He says as I step inside and take my shoes off. 

I nod, "Uh, yeah. I stayed to talk to Katie."

"About this?" He lifts up the envelope Jack gave me for my internship orientation.

"You went through my mail?" I ask rhetorically.

Ty points to the counter. "It was right beside your wedding invitation which you didn't tell me about either." He adds.

I gross my arms over my chest, aggravated by his snooping. "I wasn't keeping them from you, I just haven't seen you since I got them."

Ty runs his hand over his head. "Okay, I'm sorry." He apologizes immediately. He stands up and walks over to me. His hands grab my arms as he looks down at me. "Are you taking the internship?"

I nod, "It's a good opportunity." I say to him.

He grabs my chin, "I want you to do whatever you want to do. If it means the internship, then I won't hold you back." His lips meet with mine in soft movements. When he pulls away we make eye contact again. "Besides, Layla is staying. That's actually what I came to tell you."

From the sound of it, she left our little conversation out of it. "Really? That's good isn't it?"

"It's great!" He confirms. His hands separate my crossed arms. He drags me over to my bed and lays me down. "I like you, but you're probably a terrible bartender."

Amusement laces his words so I playfully swat at his chest. "Hey!"

Ty grabs my hands and brings my arms up over my head. It's clear to see where this is leading. It becomes crystal clear when his smile fades and he leans down to kiss the crook of my neck. I stay still, unsure of whether or not I should let this happen. The last time I almost had sex with him, I couldn't stop comparing him to Shawn. What would happen if we tried this again? More importantly, is it even worth the risk?

My eyes flutter close as he continues kissing me. My hand wraps around his arm and I hold on. I want so badly to turn my brain off and pretend that Shawn doesn't matter to me anymore. Ty stops kissing me and calls my name. "Livia."

I open my eyes. "What?"

He laughs softly, "You're grabbing my arm pretty hard."

Realizing what I'm doing, I let go of him completely and sit up on my elbows. "I'm sorry."

Ty gets off of me. "It's fine, I just-" He stammers to put his words together. "I don't understand what I'm doing to make you feel uncomfortable."

I offer him a reassuring smile. "You're not making me uncomfortable Ty."

"No but I am. It's like when I start kissing you or getting close to you, you put up a brick wall." I look down because I know it's not fair to him. He sighs, "I'm not going to hurt you."

I meet his eyes. Somehow I wish I could tell him that it's not him I'm worried about hurting me. I'm the one that's going to end up breaking his heart because I can't get over my last boyfriend. I mean, at the end of the day, how do you get over the love of your life. As hard as I try to move on, it's as if my subconscious won't let me. When I don't respond, Ty takes my silence as confirmation to what he thinks is going on with me. "I'm not Dean."

"No, I know that." I'm quick to say. It's just that you're not Shawn either. "I just need to continue to take this slow, okay?" I have to believe that this isn't a waste of time. That I will get my shit together and be the girlfriend that Ty deserves. If not then I'll let him go and be single until I inevitably die. Okay, that's a bit of a stretch but the idea is the same.

I lay back on the bed, he lays beside me and we look at each other. "So, who's Jenny and Jake?"

    I remember that he went through my mail, "They're my best friends in Brookview."

    "Do you want some company?"

    I smile, "I would love some. The only thing is we would stay at my parents and if you're not ready to meet them then-"

    He cuts me off, "Are you kidding? Parents love me. No way am I missing the chance to meet the people who raised you, Livia." I lift my hand to touch his face. I run my fingers along his cheek and jaw line, then across his lips. Who am I to treat him this way?

    "Ty I-" He interrupts me again, leaning in and kissing me. Ty hovers over me again, grabbing my waist and pulling my body to his. His breath is hot and heavy as we makeout but that's as far as he goes at first. Soon his hands begin to roam my body and grip at my clothes. The more he works himself up, the rougher he seems to get. It seems like he's trying to coax me into sleeping with him the more he kisses me.

I try to follow his movements but he becomes sloppy and he's trying too hard. "Okay stop." I push him off of me. I can't get into this. "You can't just act understanding and sweet and then immediately try to get in my pants. Slow remember?" I'm not a prude but I know when a guy is playing me. Boyfriend or not. "I'm going to go take a shower."

Ty groans, "Wait Livia, I'm sorry." He almost had me for a second. But at the end of the day all he wants is sex.

At the end of the day, all I want is Shawn.